


Monsters Are to Be Loved

by Rison_Iinekin_Tyaedairgue (Lack_of_Common_Sense)



Series: Monster Love [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blackmail, Developing Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sorry Not Sorry, Transvestite, creep-o-factor 7/10, he's too fukken girly for a guy, i have almost no idea where I'm going with this, the order of names is important in gay pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-11 05:58:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 59,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7031881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lack_of_Common_Sense/pseuds/Rison_Iinekin_Tyaedairgue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata is a cop and secretly a transvestite. Gintoki is a newbie who is attracted to him and Hijikata's brain just can't comprehend why. The permhead is being a real pain because he starts being possessive right off the bat and is generally not nice to Hijikata. Toshi, whose career takes a sharp, unpleasant turn, doesn't want to deal with Gintoki. It's the last thing he'd want to do, actually, since he hates that guy. And it would help if Gintoki stopped being decent in the weirdest moments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prelude to the Worst

My name is Hijikata Toshiro. I am a plain, uninteresting man who joined the police just to be a part of the office team. Paperwork all day long, overtime even, but I don’t mind. I’m a workaholic, so I can work overtime without thinking too much of it. Whenever this happens, I just make myself a strong, black coffee and a mayo sandwich and I sit down to get work done. I am a heavy smoker, but smoking in the office is strictly forbidden and I’ve always followed the rules. I don’t like loud people and places, after work I just go home, watch the news and go to bed, then wake up, make myself a morning cup of coffee, then go to work again. My life’s rather stereotypical, but I like that. I have my own pace and the circle I live in never changes, it goes on without disruptions.

 _Or it used to. I don’t like changes,_ was what I thought when I looked up.

“Everyone, a little attention, please.” Our department’s boss, Kondo-san, was standing there with a happy, cheerful smile on his face, his hand placed on a shoulder that belonged to someone I’ve never seen before.

“This lad, Sakata-san, will be your colleague starting today. He’s filling the gap after Hasegawa-san, who, unfortunately, got fired by the higher-ups. Be nice to him, okay?”

Everyone’s eyes turned to that guy. He was _weird_ , not cut out for office work at all. His hair was permy and white, his eyes were freaking red and he looked way too muscular to be able to handle paperwork correctly.

“The name’s Sakata Gintoki. Yes, this is my natural hair, yes, I do some workout. I like sweet food. And there’s one thing y’all need to know about. I’m bi and I left my previous place ‘cause people were awkward around me after they found out, since I didn’t tell them. So if any of you feels like I’m hitting on you and you don’t like it, be sure to tell me to back off. That’s all. Please, take care of me~”

As he made his way to his desk, everyone kept staring at him. Despite I understood that he didn’t like the weirdness at his previous workplace, what kind of introduction was that? Shouldn’t he keep that fact for himself, since people were bothered by it?

And the worst thing was, his desk was the closest to mine.

Just by looking at him I could immediately tell that he’s exactly the type of a person I dislike. Not as much as outgoing, more like rowdy and preposterous, and yet, the one to be soon liked by everyone. Slowly I began realising that he probably said the thing about his bisexuality because he wanted us all to think he’s straightforward and honest. Which made me think he’s rather suspicious.

Or maybe he made me feel self-conscious because I am gay. Nobody knows, nobody at all, not even my family. I’ve been thinking of it as of a nuisance, my sexuality as such was something I tried not to care about. I dated a few girls in college just to make my family feel like I’m normal, but ever since I cut ties with them, I gave up on that. I never intended to go searching for partners, not even for one-night stands, I’m not really into that. Not to mention it’s hard to find someone who’d look appealing.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I _wasn’t_ staring at you,” I retorted immediately.

“You were, you were, Oogushi-kun,” he laughed. “In fact, you were glaring at me.”

“My name’s not Oogushi and _yes,_ I was glaring at you. I can’t stand people like you.”

“Ooh, what are you, homophobic?”

“No!” I yelled, then I twitched, realising I was suddenly losing my usual cool. “You aren’t a homo, you said so yourself. I just hate your personality, I couldn’t care less about anyone’s sexual preferences.”

“Yeah,” he turned his chair to face me, “I don’t like you, too. You totally look like you married your job.”

“What’s wrong with being a workaholic?” I hissed, then I looked down at my hands and sighed. I just broke my favourite pencil in half. This sucked.

Later that day, at lunch break, I went to the smoking area so that I would regain my calm. Through the canteen window, I could see that Sakata guy chatting with other people. As I thought, he was the complete opposite of me, friendly and fun, which were both things I definitely lacked. For some unknown reason, I couldn’t stop comparing myself to him.

And when I say unknown, I mean known. It was obviously because he didn’t feel ashamed about _that_. And I did. I was so ashamed that I was even trying to convince myself that I’m not into guys, that I just haven’t met the right woman yet. But even so, I knew I was batting for the other team and that was mind-wrecking.

It was the worst Monday in my life. In the end, I was unable to work properly, either I was busy thinking about Gintoki’s appearance, or the fact he acted like an idiot, or he was so noisy I couldn’t focus at all. He was just so _stupid_ , everything he did was _stupid_ and even the fact that he was breathing air was _stupid_ and that I had to inhale what he exhaled when we were together in a crammed lift was also _stupid_. I was on my way home, that _stupid_ perm-head went a few blocks the same route as I did and that was _stupid_ , too, because he kept trying to make me talk.

“So where’s your flat?”

“Why the hell should I tell you?”

“Oogushi’s stingy. I would not want a boyfriend like that.”

“Who the hell would want to date you?”

“You sure like the word ‘hell’. You keep repeating it.”

“Shut the hell up!”

“See, told you.”

“What the fuck’s your problem?”

“Ooh, that’s new. You are very rude, Oogushi-kun.”

“That’s none of your fucking business!”

“But we’re in the same office, Oogushi-kun. If it’s your business, it’s also mine.”

“For fuck’s sake, shut the hell up, alright? You’re pissin’ me off! And my name’s not Oogushi!” I turned around and yelled at him; I was really cross at that moment.

“Toshi?”

I paused in the middle of going back. Under the lamp post, there was a figure standing, and I knew who it was. “Tamegoro? What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.” My brother was looking at me with a serious expression. “None of us has seen you for a few years, you know. You should at least show up at home when mom and dad have their birthdays.”

“Are you two going out? Are you actually gay, Oogushi-kun?” Gintoki leaned forward. Because he was so close, I could elbow him in the stomach. I have to admit it was quite satisfactory; maybe I should do that more often. “Where did you even get that idea, idiot? He’s my brother!”

“So it’s a brother complex then?” Gintoki wheezed, but it sounded like he’s about to burst in laughter.

Goosebumps appeared all over my body. To think of Tamegoro in that way? Hhhuu, never. “Don’t be gross! Anyway, train station is over there, so get lost!”

“Hai, hai~” he said and turned to leave. “See you tomorrow, Oogushi-kun.”

“I’ll make sure not to look at your stupid ugly mug at all, bastard!” Staring at his _stupid_ wide back disappearing in the dark, I exhaled. Then I looked at my brother. “Sorry. He’s been pissing me off the whole day.”

“Who was that?”

“A newbie at our work. Met him today.”

“Ah.” Tamegoro was looking at me, it was a long stare, and I knew what he was going to say. “Why did you leave back then? Without saying a word of explanation?”

Yes. I expected that question. But I was not ready to answer it. “Uh… do you want to come to my place, have some tea and talk?” I said despite not wanting this.

“Sure,” he nodded. I reached into my pocket for my keys and went to the closest block of flats – we were standing just a few steps from the entrance. “I live here now. Thanks for coming, I wouldn’t want that guy to know where I live.”

Tamegoro didn’t answer, he only followed me like a ghost and until we were sitting in my living room, he kept silent.

“I thought it was just us,” he said thoughtfully, looking at his cup of tea, “but in fact you are hiding from the whole world, aren’t you?”

I shrugged my shoulders, I really didn’t have anything to say to that. He was right, of course. This elder brother of mine was always right about me.

“Don’t do that. Tell me, why did you run away? Why do you keep the world behind the closed door?” he asked again.

I sighed. “Alright, I’ll tell you, but you will have to leave right away. I don’t want to talk about it. So, drink your tea, then take your jacket and shoes. I’ll tell you after you are out of my flat.”

I got up, grabbed my own empty cup and went to wash it. It hurt to act like that towards my brother, but it was not like I could help it. I heard a click of the cup on the table, then I listened to his footsteps nearing the doorstep. When the door finally creaked open, I turned around and went to see him off.

“Brother, promise me you’ll leave right away,” I said. “I don’t want to have to know what you think of me after you learn the truth.”

“If that’s what you want, then I don’t have a choice,” he responded and took the final step to leave my place. Then he turned around and looked at me, expecting an answer.

“I’m gay,” I said and closed the door, locking it.


	2. What Happens in Rengokukan Should Stay There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was on the very next day, that Hijikata went to blow off some steam... and then, the unexpected happened.

Even though I am a policeman and as such I should serve as a good example to the civilians, there are many things that I do, despite I… shouldn’t. Call them bad habits or wrong choice of hobbies, but I’ve never said I am a saint.

And at the moment, I was doing it again. I knew I was in no way supposed to do that, but I needed a freaking breather. Haven’t had one in ages; I didn’t even remember the last time.

I was leaning on the railing and looking downwards. My eyes were locked on the very centre of an (obviously) illegal arena, Rengokukan, watching two men duelling. This place was a part of a huge gambling house hidden somewhere in an underground of Kabuki-chou. I was standing there, dressed as a bloody transvestite. I had a wig matching my natural hair colour, I was wearing a make-up and I had a tight-fitting dress on. People who think I would look horrible in mentioned getup should actually see me in that. I had always been one of those people whose personality changed with their clothes, and when my personality changes, the vibe I usually give off does a total 180. From a cranky and permanently frowning copper I transform into an attractive tranny. It always amazes me, and I still don’t know how’s that possible.

Considering that my face was not very well known, since I was an office worker, glued to the desk most of my life, and given my well-made outfit – even if I say so myself – nobody would ever connect the me at work to the me here. My identity, the underworld identity, was mostly made up by people who tried to learn to know me. I haven’t told them a single thing about myself, yet they decided on lots of stuff for me (which I am grateful for, I wouldn’t want to make lies up myself). They started to call me Toshiko-chan, and I left it at that.

I also discovered something great about this place: against all my expectations, nobody there picked on homosexuals. Partly it might have been because many of the _important_ people there were either gay, lesbians or at least bi, partly because sexual orientation was not one of the things that really mattered. What _did_ count was either money, looks or skills.

“Hello, Toshiko-chan,” I heard one of the few voices that became familiar over time. “Long time no see.”

“Hirotan,” I smiled at him, realising I should come to that place more often. My facial muscles weren’t used to smiles any more.

“Have you been busy?” he asked, leaning on the railing next to me.

“Yeah, kind of. Haven’t had the time to come and play.” By playing, I of course meant gambling, not fooling around with men. As mentioned sometime before, I’ve never felt the need to go searching for one-night stands.

“Won’t you play with me?” he asked, and he of course _did_ mean the opposite of what I was saying. I shook my head. “Forget it. And stop coming onto me if you are actually straight.”

“Sharp as ever, I see,” he chuckled. “But you make such a fine woman, Toshiko-chan.” He patted my shoulder. “This dress really suits you. You look very feminine in that,” he narrowed his eyes.

“Well, I think the skirt could be a tad longer,” I answered, but I was already looking at the fighters in the arena again.

“So what do you think?” he asked. “Who’ll win?”

“I’m not an expert, unlike you, Hirotan.” I waved my hand nonchalantly.

“Still, answer me,” he said with a soft laugh.

I shot a short glance at his face. Knowing what kind of place we were at, I had to admit he was one of the most normal people I’ve ever encountered there. He was quite pleasant to talk to, too. I shrugged my shoulders: “I suppose that guy with the mohawk will lose. At first he seemed stronger, but he doesn’t have enough stamina.”

“Not an expert my ass,” Hiroki muttered. After a short pause, he said: “You know either of them?”

“No,” I shook my head. “Last time I was here, there were completely different champions.”

“Ah. I see.” Another pause, as we both looked at the fight down there again. “You were right, he’s definitely gonna lose.”

“Mhm.”

“You know,” he scratched his head, “circa a month ago, there have been some serious changes in the arena championship.”

“Hmm? Tell me more,” I enquired, tilting my head and smiling. These fights were my greatest enjoyment there, they were often very thrilling – when the fighters didn’t resort to brute strength only.

“Next up is a guy who’s called the Shiroyasha. He was the reason for the changes in the system. He turned it upside down.”

“Never heard of him, maybe I should come here more often,” I responded thoughtfully.

“You’re going to love that fight. He’s a sly, cruel beast and it really shows when he fights.”

“Oh?” I said. “Looking forward to it.”

“Did you know he’s going to fight against Kisei?”

I paused and looked at Hiroki. “Really?”

“Yeah. So many people are going to bet on Kisei’s victory, just out of habit, but I think Kisei doesn’t stand much of a chance.”

“Really.” I smirked. “Then I should trust your personal opinion and bet my money on Shiroyasha.”

“You really hate Kisei, don’t you?” he said with a sigh, but there was a spark in his eyes, he seemed amused. “I wouldn’t want you to hate me the way you hate him.”

“Oh, that can hardly happen,” I smiled. “You coming with me? I’m going to put my money to some good use.”

“Sure.”

We walked down the stairs and went straight to the room with the betting table. It was, in fact, more like a big hall where all the gamblers gathered to drink and talk. A tiny Las Vegas in the heart of Kabuki-chou.

When I entered the room, I could see some familiar faces around. Most of them were never really worth mentioning, not when there was Kisei, too. “Yooo, Toshiko-chan,” he said cheerfully, reaching his hand out to greet me. I didn’t spare him a single glance, saying: “You’ll as much as touch me and I’ll castrate you.”

Somebody else at the table chuckled. “He’d let you.”

I leaned towards the bettor. “I’d like to bet on the next fight in the arena.”

Everyone at the table looked at me. “Huh?”

“Oh? That’s unusual. I hope you I am your champion,” I heard Kisei’s voice. Finally, I turned my head to look him in the eye. He was sitting in his chair – a chair that belonged to the best of the duellists. To put it simply, he was gay, just like me – no, wait, not like me. Even at that moment, while he was flirting with me, he had his arm wrapped around a younger man’s waist. Among all the people I knew here, he was the lowest. And disgusting.

“Fortunately, I’d never fall that low,” I gave him the deadliest smile I was capable of. “I’m going to bet that you’ll lose the next fight.”

“Eh? That’s rough! Why?”

“Because if I do so, you’ll surely get beaten up,” I flashed another smile, almost an angelic one this time. I gave the bettor some of my money and received a ticket.

“There aren’t many people to bet on the White Demon,” Hiroki said. I hadn’t noticed that he left, but he was holding a beer.

“Well, o’course. It’s ‘cause he’s gonna fight against _me_ ,” Kisei smirked confidently.

My friend was about to retort something, but I stopped him. “Let’s go, Hirotan. And Kisei,” I looked at the latter, “my betting on your opponent is your own fault for being persistent and still hitting on me in such a disgusting manner.”

I turned to leave. Hiroki caught up to me almost immediately, saying: “You know, most of the gay – or bi – people here wouldn’t waste their chance to hit on you.”

“Weird, isn’t it?”

“Not at all. Firstly, the way you act is something that attracts them to you. Compared to them, you talk much nicer than they do, and you even change your voice to be more feminine. Your body is slender and you choose dresses that would turn on even a straight guy. And secondly, I think you are a challenge for them.”

“Huh? A challenge? _Me?_ ” I shook my head in disbelief. Such a thought had never appeared in my brain before.

“Well, though you are clearly one of them, you’ve never let any of them even touch you.”

“I just don’t intend to sell myself cheap,” I responded.

“You know,” he said after a short pause, “there’s a rumour that you are impotent, Toshiko-chan.”

I smiled softly. “I guess such nonsense was bound to appear sooner or later.”

“So you are not impotent, then?”

My eyebrow twitched. “What, are you the one spreading that rumour? I’ll have you know I can and do take care of myself when I feel like it.”

“My last woman left me because of you. She said I am not manly enough. That one’s got to be a real man to wear tights.” He chuckled bitterly. “Which was, of course, the most stupid excuse to dump me.”

“Suppose so,” I nodded, the corners of my mouth twitching. “Oh, it’s starting,” I added when I noticed an announcer walked up into the middle of the arena and started talking. “Let’s find a better place to watch.”

“Look, over there. It’s pretty close, we’ll be able to see everything.”

We sat down. Hiroki really chose a good place, we had a great view.

A gong echoed through the hall and Kisei appeared at the arena door. He was shirtless and unarmed, his arms and chest were slick with oil, his muscles shining. He was a personified brutality, as straightforward and stupid as a bull. The crowd was cheering loudly. Even though Kisei’s opponent didn’t appear yet, nobody – almost nobody – doubted Kisei’s victory. After all, he’s been the top champion for quite a few years that was really something down here. He was also one of the main reasons nobody picked on homosexuals. That guy was a freaking mountain gorilla mixed with a hippo, I could hardly imagine anyone willing – not to mention wanting – to take him on.

Suddenly, probably on instinct, Kisei turned around. Silence fell on the whole place like a heavy blanket.

“Oh fuck, what in the fucking hell,” I said in my normal voice and way of speaking, being unable to stop myself. My face turned pale and my stomach clenched, it felt like my whole body is being crushed in an invisible grip of shock and fear.

“What’s wrong? Oh, you know him or something?”

“Y-Yeah, sorta,” I answered Hiroki’s question, nodding slowly.

At the entrance, also shirtless, was standing Sakata Gintoki, his arms folded on his chest. He eyed the audience and then his gaze stopped on my face.


	3. What Looks Terrible At First Turns Out To Be Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bad luck of the poor Hijikata continues. After he met Gintoki at a totally unexpected place, he has to face the consequences.

That was on Saturday night. I spent the whole Sunday in my flat, since I had a day off, mulling over the things that happened.

I didn’t want to go to work on Monday – which is today. I was pretty sure that Gintoki recognized me, even though I was dressed up, and that he was going to take advantage of it. I was not sure how, since if he exposed my secret, I would reveal his in return, but that guy was unpredictable and in the three days I have known him I noticed that he is way smarter than he looks like.

That’s right. We freaking met only three days ago, for fuck’s sake!

And yet… we’ve learned much more about each other than we could have expected. None of the people in our lives knew the both sides of ours, we both were two-faced liars, and so, this kind of thing was terrifying. Blindly believing myself, it never occurred to me that I might ever meet somebody who would live in the same worlds as I did.

Sighing, I shifted in my chair and reached for my mug. “Oh fuck… it is empty…”

“I’m going to make coffee,” Gintoki got up and I heard him walking over to me. “Do you want some, too?”

“Ah… s-sure.” I nodded. “B-But don’t add sugar. I don’t like sweet things.”

“Hai~,” he nodded and slowly left our booth. I clenched my teeth; even though I was not convinced about it, there was a slight possibility that I was wrong. That he might let it slide and not talk about it at all. It would be the most reasonable thing to do, but the problem with us was that neither of us was reasonable. Reasonable, logically thinking people would never indulge themselves in the dangerous allurement of the night. Not to mention that his face at that time when he was fighting had a certain kind of expression. He’s one to control others. It would be weird if he didn’t try to bind me to his command, as well.

The fact that it was already about time to go home and he still hadn’t done anything to confront me was unsettling. It was almost like he knew about my inner turmoil and was purposely dragging it out.

“Here’s your coffee, Oogushi-kun,” he said and my eyebrow cocked; I turned around on my chair to give him an earful – and I freaking bit my tongue, because he was standing close and was bent over, so his face was nearly on the same level as mine. _Too_ close. Too freaking close to breathe. My face turned visibly pale and I tried to jerk back, but he grabbed my shoulder. Leaning closer, he whispered: “Stay a little bit longer after work.” Then, like nothing happened, he put my coffee on the desk and walked to his own, sitting down.

Yeah, sure. Like I’d do that. I had no reason to stay here, in fact, I wanted to be home as soon as possible. There was no way I would let him ruin my routine. Even though I didn’t have to work overtime this time. That only meant I was going to be home sooner. I exhaled. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“No probs, senpai~,” he answered quite normally, but there was something weird in his tone. Something… hidden underneath. I shuddered, it was… it was like he was feeling me up just by his stare.

There was no way I could’ve stayed after work.

And so, after everyone started leaving, I gave Gintoki the slip, using the back door to leave.

I was walking quickly down the street to my flat, looking over my shoulder from time to time. He was nowhere to be seen, which was good, uncomfortable nonetheless. It seemed like he hadn’t noticed that I left. It was possible that he was still waiting for me to appear, or maybe looking for me, but I had no intention of letting him know where I was.

Still, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was odd.

Rummaging through my pocket, I found my keys. When I turned them so that the door would unlock, it opened instead. “That’s weird,” I muttered under my breath. “Did I forget to lock?”

Then, however, I entered my place and immediately understood.

Someone else has been there. Maybe even still was.

So many people have gotten themselves injured or killed just because they forgot to mind the smell. I never smoked in my flat, so that whole place was filled by mild scent of the soap powder I was using, and a hint of my own smell, probably, but mostly the soap, since I haven’t been using my flat for more than sleeping and eating. It’s never been like I could smell myself, but I could always tell when I was _unable_ to smell myself. Such as at that moment. The intruder was probably a man, it was a full, heavy odour with a hint of something sweet, weirdly overbearing. A woman would smell tenderer.

“Yo, Toshiko _-chan._ ”

I knew it.

It was obvious that he’d never let me off just like that.

“What the hell do you want, Gintoki?” I said, not bothering to hide how pissed I was. I switched the light on so that we could see each other. He was sitting on my couch. “This is trespassing, by the way. How did you get in?”

“Oh, I made myself a spare key at lunch break today. I gave you your keys back, so you haven’t noticed.” He smirked, got up and walked closer to me. “You know, Toshiko-chan,” he grabbed my chin and I had to resist the urge to swat his hand away, “we need to make an agreement.”

“An agreement?” I said, slowly grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand away from my face.

“Yup, yup. We both have unsightly hobbies and we both can’t let others know. However, we both also have ways to give the other a slip when it comes to blaming each other.”

“So?”

“So,” he said, his eyes narrowing, “here’s the deal: we’ll both keep quiet about this at work. Neither of us will let the police know.”

“That’s fine by me,” I nodded. I never expected things to go this smoothly.

“But,” he said and I flinched when he took another step and backed me against the wall, “that’s not all.”

I gave him a stare, not filling the silence that fell on the room, just waiting for him to continue.

“If you don’t want me to tell your brother,” he purred, “get in bed with me.”

“WHAT?” I yelled, pushing him away – or at least, I tried to. But he didn’t budge a bit, he was stronger than I originally thought. I mean, I have seen him fight, but he was not really using strength as much as dexterity that time, so I thought he’d be as strong as I was.

Oh how deeply I was mistaken.

He grabbed my shoulders firmly. “You can’t possibly have a way to contact him,” I struggled, but to no avail. “You’ve met him for, like, two minutes.”

“We met again at the train station after you threw him out,” Gintoki explained with a smile. The scariest smile I’ve ever seen besides my own. “And I thought I should help him, since he’s such a kind, caring brother. In order to achieve that, I have gotten myself his phone number,” he smirked.

“Lies, all lies!” I finally managed to free myself. The places where his grip imprinted into my skin, they hurt. More than I would ever show on my face.

“Oh? Then perhaps if I call him right now and let you listen to his voice, then you’ll believe me?” he smiled.

“Sure, do it,” I frowned. I didn’t believe the things he said, it would be careless for my brother to give somebody unknown his number… but this certainty faded once he reached to his pocket for his phone and dialled. Then, without saying anything, he held out his hand so that I could take his phone. My fingers were shaking, but despite that, I took it from him and put it to my ear.

_“Hello, Sakata-san?”_ I heard and my heart skipped a beat because it was really his voice.

“Hey, Tamegoro,” I whispered. “It’s me.”

_“Toshi,”_ he blurted out and just now it hit me how happy he sounded to hear me. Just that thought alone was painful.

“I just wanted to say…” I took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, nii-san.” Then, before he could answer, I ended the call and gave the phone back to Gintoki. “So, I’ll sleep with you and you won’t tell him anything, alright?” I said, my stomach clenching and my heart heavy.

“Yes, though you seem to be misunderstanding a certain thing,” he nodded.

“What else is there?” I groaned.

“Not just once. When I ask you to. Not whenever, it’s not like I’d want you to let me do you at work, but out of work hours you won’t have the right to refuse me.”

“So I’ll be your,” and I took a short pause before spitting out bitterly, “ _whore_ and you won’t tell my brother. Not now, not once, not ever. Is that right?”

“Oh, come on, Oogushi-kun,” Gintoki chuckled, “I have no intention of making you something like that. More like a sex partner, that sounds better, no?”

“It _does_ sound better,” I retorted, “but this is not the case, is it? I’m being blackmailed into having sex with you.” The worst thing was, I could feel my face heating up. I was nervous and mortified, this whole situation was humiliating and it was obvious that Gintoki was having fun doing this to me.

“Then make some rules that I should follow if it makes you feel better,” he shrugged his shoulders.

“I haven’t agreed to it yet!” I snapped at him. He leaned forward, grabbing my chin again. “But it’s not like you can refuse,” he said. “So tell me the rules. After you do, I’ll tell you mine.”

“A-Ah. Arrgh, you _know_ how to be annoying,” I groaned once more, just as desperately as before. “Fine.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard, putting into it as much force as I could, enough to crush a normal person’s bones. “We will _always_ use a condom. No exceptions. No protection, no sex, get it? Also, if it just so happens and my brother will talk to you, you won’t tell him we’re sleeping together. Under any circumstances. And the same goes for all the other people. And… I don’t want you to sleep with anybody else if you want me to have sex with you.”

“That’s all?” he asked, and I nodded. “That’s all.”

“Fine. My rules are just as simple. No sleeping with other people, wearing a condom, hiding our relationship, that’s fine. I’ll just add this – no inviting people to come over if I ask you to have sex with me. Also, no inviting people to have a threesome.”

“What?!” I nearly keeled over. “Like I’d ever do that, dumbass!”

“Okay, okay, sorry. I used to date many kinds of people, you know.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah.”

There was a pause in which I was gathering the power to say it. “Then why me?” I asked eventually, my fists clenched.

“Oh? That’s obvious.” He got up and grabbed my waist, shoving me on the sofa. “To have the ice queen Toshiko-chan all for myself, of course.”

When he kneeled over me, he paused. “Oh, one last rule,” he said. “No kissing, Toshiko-chan.”

My eyebrow cocked and I mustered all my strength I currently had to push him off me. “And sorry, but no sex, just this time,” I said. “I was up all night yesterday doing paperwork that was left from the previous week, so unless you want me to faint halfway through, I suggest we stop right here for tonight.”

He frowned a bit, but then he nodded. “Okay, I understand. However, you have to make it up to me. Next time you’d better be super-hot. Maybe dress up as Toshiko. I’d love that.”

“Okay, whatever,” I grumbled and got off the couch so that I could go and brush my teeth. He was about to leave, but then he stopped and looked at me: “Also, I talked to Kondo-san. He gave you a day off tomorrow, so be mentally prepared. I’ll stop by.”

“You mean you’re making me slack off?” I hissed at him.

“No, I’m making you rest a bit. You were up the whole Friday, the whole Saturday and the whole Sunday, too. You need to get some sleep, no matter how you look at it. I took a day off while I was at it, too. Nobody is slacking off. And I can’t have you getting sick, can I?” he smirked and finally, he left.

Well…

Fuck.


	4. I Would Have Been Better off if I Left the Deflowering to some Gardener

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what happened, the bastard Hijikata just cannot deal with managed to have his way with the poor Toshi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm deeply sorry for I am a stupid idiot and accidentaly deleted the original version of the story, and have only a SFW one. That means I have to write the… interesting… parts again to a certain point, which means that if you've read this story before, you'll find they are different. I partly remember how some of them went, but I can't recall absolutely everything.  
> That's also why I haven't updated for so long (was not in the right mood to write back the smutty content).  
> Please bear with me.  
> Thanks for reading this.

The world is becoming selfish. So many people are turning their back to others. They don’t care about others or their feelings, they only go after their personal gain. They want to achieve happiness, but they don’t intend to share it with anyone. For their own satisfaction, they are ready to rip apart the worlds of other people, shred them to pieces and take the good bits for themselves. From the destroyed walls of one’s protection, they make new, stronger walls of their own. They don’t intend to care. Caring hurts.

I ran away from my family because I cared and I never wanted to make them care about me. Caring is painful. It can destroy freedom, happiness and lives. Being the failure of a family member I was, I didn’t want to bring them pain, so I left them, knowing it will hurt less that way. I left and made a decision not to get too close with anyone. Relationships were and had always been a bother. I thought I successfully made myself unapproachable. Nobody ever asked me if I was okay, they just assumed I’m always cranky, but overall, fine. And to be honest, I thought the same.

At the moment, though, I felt absolutely like the shittiest shit in the universe. I woke up like usual and was about to get ready for work, then I realised there’s no point in going there. For the first time in a few years, I suddenly had a day off. Because of stupid Gintoki.

And just when I thought I might at least go and make myself a breakfast, a real one for once, the door of my kitchen opened and he was standing there with a complete poker face, a mug of coffee in his hand.

 _My favourite_ _mug_.

“What are you doing here,” I growled at him angrily; I knew he was going to appear today, but I expected him to come after lunch or so.

“I allowed myself in,” he smiled and raised his mug. “Want some? It’s sweet, though. Oh, and good morning.”

“I can see that. And no, I don’t want your shitty coffee,” I retorted and turned away to go and wash my face. I decided to ignore him as long as possible, there was a chance he’ll leave sooner or later.

“By the way,” his head appeared in the bathroom door, “I borrowed your phone for a bit.”

“What the hell, do you think that if you can fuck me, everything that’s mine is yours?” I hissed, reaching for my towel.

“What?” he looked at me, then at the mug in his hand. “Ah. Sorry for that. I’ll bring mine next time, is that better?”

How the fuck he understood so quickly, I had no idea. “It… is a bit better, yeah. But,” I dried off my face and gave him a glare, “the mug is all you’ll ever have here. Is that clear?”

“Sure,” he shrugged his shoulders. “That and a toothbrush.”

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes, “a mug and a toothbrush. I find anything else here and it goes into a trash bin.” I pushed him from the door so that I could go through. “So,” I asked on my way to the kitchen, knowing that he was following me, “what did you need my phone for?”

“I copied your number into my phone. And added your bro into your contact list.”

There was a pause in which I turned to face him and stare for a while. “Why?” I asked after a few seconds.

“Because I need to contact you when I want to have sex.”

“What? Uh… not that. Why did you add Tamegoro into my contacts?”

“Huh?” he gave me a genuinely confused look. “You guys are brothers, so I thought you should keep in touch.”

I raised my eyebrow. He was weird, I knew that already, but I was still unable to understand what he was thinking. First he blackmailed me, then he helped me. He hadn’t made a real move on me so far, even though he wanted to have me. And also, there was this not kissing thing.

“What exactly do you want from me?” I sighed.

His eyes darkened a bit and he stepped towards me, grabbing my chin. “I told you yesterday. I want you to be mine alone.”

As he was staring me down, my whole body was tense. “D-Do you have a split personality or something?” I gasped, realising that he made me back down and now my back was touching the wall.

“Who knows,” he chuckled quietly and pulled my sleep shirt away to reveal my shoulder. His fingers were clutching my arm strongly and he was standing just right to have me unable to free myself. I closed my eyes just a glimpse before I felt his breath on my neck, clenching my teeth to prevent myself from crying out in pain when he sank his teeth into my skin. It hurt, and what was worse, it made weird thoughts creep into my mind. It made me realise I was afraid of him.

I had been in a few relationships before, but we’d never gotten very far and there’d already been a breakup. Hence, my experience was very… limited. I have read some things regarding sex, but in reality, I have never gotten past handjobs.

To put it bluntly, I was a bloody virgin, both my front and my rear were intact. And now I was at Gintoki’s mercy.

But there was no way in hell I’d let him know. Not a frivolous, selfish guy like that. He wanted to use me, fine, I was going to let him. If I remain as passive and stoic as possible, he’ll get tired of me eventually – that was what I believed.

His hand slid from my shoulder down my chest and slipped under my shirt, then went up again, brushing over my skin, stopping exactly at the right place to feel my already so frantic heartbeat. I clenched my teeth when his other hand went into my pyjama pants and started feeling up my thigh.

“No way,” he snickered, “you actually shave your legs? I wonder, what about your armpits and between your legs? Do you shave everywhere?”

“Fuck the fuck off,” I finally couldn’t stand it and pushed him away – and I’m ashamed to say that I had to use all my might. “It’s way too early in the morning!”

“Does it matter?” he tilted his head to the right. He didn’t try to approach me again, though; he took a few steps back and leaned on the opposite wall, hands in his pockets.

“Of course it does! I… haven’t had time to… get ready…” my voice gradually quieted down. It was so embarrassing, to say something like that! I mean, it was beyond obvious that I was the one who was going to be held, not him, and so I had to do some preparations. There wasn’t much to do, but cleaning myself back there was only one of the things that _had_ to be done. Also, even though he just mocked me about it, I wanted to shave, well, all of my lower body. And the armpits, of course. I was used to it and was doing it almost every day, because I hated the feeling of being hairy. Somehow, it felt unbelievably dirty.

“Okay, I get it,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll come later, in, like, three hours or so. But,” he said as he passed by me on his way to the exit, “I want you to dress up like Toshiko.”

The door clicked shut and I slid to the ground, as my knees finally gave in.

Obnoxious.

Overbearing.

Preposterous.

Tiresome.

Arrogant.

Haughty.

Irritating.

And even though I didn’t think he was really a bad guy – within the possibilities – I knew there was no way I could get along with him. Especially when I remembered the occasional looks he was giving me when he knew nobody else was looking. A part of his personality was dangerous, dreadful, and I had no chance of escaping from his grip. I was scared, scared like never before, pure horror started to creep through my veins. He was selfish, just like everyone else, and he made me a part of his life against my will. He was obviously going to break the walls I have built over all the years of solitude, he wanted to destroy them and then, after stepping over their crumbling remains, devour me in one bite. Maybe he hadn’t realised it so far, but he had already won that battle, I was destined to lose from the very start. Even though I had no intention of giving in to him, I had no other option, he didn’t leave me a single way out of it.

With my legs shivering, I got up, and leaning on the wall, I slowly staggered to the bathroom. When I took my shirt off and looked at my own reflection in the mirror, I sighed bitterly. His teeth imprinted into my skin like a seal; the mark was red and it was really painful, he bit me way harder than he had to. With just that, it felt like I became his possession.

Yeah.

That was it.

I was his to play with. To have me, to own me, to make me fall apart, that was what he wanted. Because he heard about Toshiko. The Toshiko that’d always been hard to get. He decided to do this because he wanted to feel superior to all of the others in that arena. Truth to be told, there have been many guys to hit on me just because they thought they could have me, and were unpleasantly surprised when they ended up with my knee crushing their family jewels. But Gintoki was different. Even though he was all over me before, he hadn’t lowered his guard at all; he made sure to make me unable to really fight him. Plus, even though I was quite strong and probably could have defeated most of the people hitting on me if it ever came to it, I knew there was no way I could ever take on someone like him. He lived up to his name, he was a demon.

Warm water hit my face as I leaned my back on the cold tiles, hoping to cool off a bit. I exhaled and grabbed a razor to shave my legs. My skin was starting to get prickly again, it was annoying, but I was not going to wax my legs – or anywhere else.

All in all, it took me over an hour and half to finish all the… the bathroom preparations, and I was getting hungry. The problem was, there was almost nothing at my house.

Well, not like I had the time to eat anyway. For a girl, it’s normal to take an hour or so when choosing the right dress and makeup, but it’s much harder for a guy. I was kind of short on time already.

All of Toshiko’s dresses have been chosen according to a few rules. The dress had to make my hips look a bit wider, my waist a little slenderer, my legs longer and it had to hide my chest. It didn’t matter if the dress was revealing my shoulders or not, but my chest was more masculine in a dress with a V-neck, so I had mostly Chinese-styled dresses with a turtleneck. I don’t want to brag, but this style also made my butt look _fine_. Normally, it would be a disadvantage for a guy to have a round ass, but as for me, I was glad. What my work clothes were hiding perfectly, the dress made more visible and, well, really attractive. Even if I said so myself.

Funny thing was, such thoughts always appeared on my mind only when I changed my clothes and my personality changed from the cranky Hijikata to the girly Toshiko.

I checked myself out in the mirror and nodded in approval. _This should take his breath away for a while,_ I thought with a slight smirk. The greyish blue dress I was wearing really suited me, it was ideal. The last thing I had to put on was the mascara and maybe, just maybe a touch of lip gloss.

I nearly poked my eye out when I heard the sound of my door being unlocked. The only one except me to have keys was Gintoki, and knowing it startled me.

No lip gloss then.

I finished my eye and left the bathroom; he was nowhere to be seen, but when I entered the living room, he was sitting there, waiting.

“Something like this?” I said, leaning on the door frame.

“Wow, this sure is good,” he purred, his eyes narrowing. “Come here, Toshiko-chan. Your man has come home.”

“That was the cheesiest line I’ve ever heard,” I scoffed, but I followed his command. Stopping next to him, I asked: “So, what do you want me to do now?”

“Sit down,” he said.

I obeyed, sitting onto the couch next to him, not entirely sure what to expect. Almost immediately, he pulled me into his lap, his hands grabbing my hips strongly. “I like this,” he chuckled, his palms sliding up my sides. “I hope you didn’t bother with underwear,” he nosed at my neck.

“C-check for yourself,” I muttered, looking away. Right after I said so, there were fingers sliding up my thigh underneath my skirt, and I clenched my teeth.

“Nice.” Gintoki unzipped the dress all the way down, revealing my back. Both his hands were now under the fabric of my clothes, groping shamelessly every part of me, as I leaned onto him subconsciously. I felt my heartbeat speed up and I was sure my face started turning reddish.

“You smell nice.”

“W-Well obviously, I just had a shower,” I breathed out through clenched teeth.

“No, I mean, I like the way you smell.” Gintoki’s hands were both feeling up my thighs at the moment, and there was something slowly growing hard under me. I gasped when he rolled up my skirt a bit and explored the small space left underneath.

“W-Wait…” I pleaded silently.

“Yeah, right. Dream on.” With that response, his breath tickled me and I could feel his touch on my clean-shaven skin, teasingly brushing all over my crotch area and along my length. “How about you suck me off?” he said and my heart skipped a beat at such a request.

“I-I…” I turned my face away again and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to do such a dirty thing with that bastard, yet at the same time, I was very curious about it, what it would feel like, what it would taste like. I was beyond saving, and we both knew that.

“Oh well. Some other time, then,” he chuckled lightly and patted my thighs. “Get up, Toshiko-chan.”

I slowly did so; it turned out my legs were shakier than I thought, it was difficult for me not to fall right back into his lap. “W-What do you want me to do?” I glanced at his face to be shocked yet again by his expression. There was so much lust in his gaze it made me feel sick to my stomach; it wasn’t like no-one’d ever looked at me that way before, but I had never allowed it to go as far as for them to touch me.

“Could it be this is actually your first time doing this with a man?” he eyed me with an overconfident smirk and I could swear I saw him lick his lips.

“S-So what if it is?” I retorted, because that was better than admitting to the fact I had no experience whatsoever.

“I’m not complaining,” Gintoki smiled, spreading his legs slightly wider. “But you can do it by hand, right? I need to be fully erect if I want to put a condom on and fuck you.”

Blood rushed to both my face and my dick; just how could he put it so bluntly? Glaring at him, I knelt between his knees and with my hands trembling, I reached out for his belt. I was afraid to look up; even without doing so, I could feel him staring holes through me. Unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants, I did my best to ignore the pink boxers with a strawberry pattern. His penis felt hot to the touch, and the thought of him ramming this into me made a chill run down my spine; I didn’t think the opening down there would be able to stretch so much as to take him in.

For a moment, I just stared at it with fascination – for the first time in my life, I was holding another’s cock in my hands. I started moving my hands, making sure he’d get as hard as possible. Suddenly, his foot somehow got between my thighs and he pressed hard down on my erection. “Nnh…!” I shuddered helplessly and my body curled up against my will, my forehead resting right next to the raging hard-on I was holding. Some pre-cum dribbled over my fingers and got on my face. “Sh-shit, b-bastard,” I breathed out.

“Does that turn you on?” he smirked, and I looked away. “Oi, get on the couch,” he commanded suddenly.

“I-… W-What?” I asked, but he just grabbed me and flopped me onto the couch on my back. Then, something rustled and he came to the field of my vision with a rubber and a bottle of lube. “Look,” he grinned. The couch creaked silently when he knelt over my head with his dick dangling into my face. Grabbing one of my knees, he pushed it up so he could access my ass easily, saying: “I’m really growing impatient, so let’s do it like this. Don’t neglect me, okay?” and with that, I felt my skirt being pushed out of the way. Something cold dribbled over my cock and ass, and I just then realised I forgot to breathe; gasping, I shakily reached out to his cock once again.

It was like a state of hypnosis. I stared at the glassy pearl of pre-cum at his tip, as it trembled with the movement of my hand, and then it fell, hitting my face. He was stroking me in a similar way, but one of his hands was rubbing my hole as well, occasionally probing shallowly at the entrance. I was breathing heavily; a part of me wondered what would happen if some of the pre-cum dripped onto my tongue and Gintoki found out about it. I figured he would laugh at me, but I didn’t close my mouth.

“Agh!” I groaned when, unexpectedly, he slipped his finger deep inside me. “Y-You! You gotta warn me before you… uhn!”

I heard a silent chuckle from him. “Hey, your hands have stopped,” he said, moving his hips so low the tip actually grazed my lips. I renewed my effort and he lifted his hips again. Out of sheer curiosity, I ran my tongue over where his dick touched my mouth.

It was devastating that the taste was something I did not dislike.

“Ah! Wait…!” I yelped when he crammed more fingers inside all of a sudden. It felt weird and my ass hurt, but… even though I realised it only then, he stopped touching my front at some point, yet I was still hard. With his fingers thrusting into me, it was like I was on fire, and I honestly feared the irresistible lust I felt, because somehow I was sure that if I was swept away by that, it must have had been much worse with Gintoki.

“This is so hot,” he said, moving his hand in a different way with a wet squelch of the lube.

“U-ah!” The sound that escaped my throat was much more high-pithed and louder than I’d expected. Whatever he just hit in there, it made me feel hot… and weak.

“Oh?” he chuckled. “I guess this should be enough, right? Any more than this and you’ll come.” Swiftly, he got off me and opened the rubber package, putting the condom on his erection. I watched him do so, just closing my eyes when he lined up with me. For a few moments, nothing was happening, then he muttered: “I’m turning you over, okay?”

“Gin—” I didn’t even get to say anything when pushed my face into the couch, my butt high in the air in front of him for display. His hands squeezed my ass cheeks and spread them, and before I could utter a word of protest, he pushed his way in. My back arched so hard it hurt, and tears welled up in my eyes on their own. “Ah!” I clenched my fists, trying to get some air into my lungs. “It… hurts, you idi…”

“But you like it anyway, don’t you?” he breathed out. “And when I do this,” his hips shifted in a different way and he hit _that_ spot once more, making me moan loudly, “it excites you, right?” I shuddered as he ran one of his hands down my spine. “Your back is beautiful.”

“Stop… talkin’ shit. Hurry up an’ come, bastard,” I glared at him, saying it in between my gasps.

“You’re _so_ not honest,” he loomed over me and ground his dick against that spot again. “Even though your face is all red and sloppy with drool and tears. You’re not fooling anyone with those uncute lies.”

I groaned in frustration. “W-Whatever,” I clenched my insides as much as I could. “Don’t waste time an’ do it already.”

“Okay,” he laughed and grabbed my hips so hard I was surely going to get bruises. His dick started ramming into me and he picked up a quick pace right away, and I could hardly do anything but hold onto the couch for dear life. I felt dizzier and dizzier with each thrust, I wanted him to stop, but more than anything, I just wanted to come.

“Don’t hold back your voice,” he commanded, making me cry out when his hand reached to my front and gave my thing a squeeze. However hard I tried to remain silent, I couldn’t; his jerking me off was the last drop and soon, I came, staining my couch with semen. Some of it got onto his hand, and he brought it up to his face, licking it off his fingers. “It’s thick,” he leered at me. Then, with his dick still inside me, he half-turned me, throwing one of my legs over his shoulder. “Don’t think we’re done,” he gave me a wolf smile and thrusted his rod deep into me.

“No…! I just came, you…!” I protested, grabbing onto the couch again.

“Yeah, so? I didn’t yet,” he didn’t even consider stopping. “I want to come while looking at your face.”

“Perv… pervert,” I let out between suppressed moans.

“Yup, that’s me,” his hands held me tighter as he sped up even more. “As are you, you’re hard again.” I didn’t say a word to that, mostly because I couldn’t keep up, and all I could do was to clutch the couch desperately. When I came to a point where I thought that I was going to faint, he buried himself as deep inside me as he could and he came, shuddering.

For a moment, we were like an obscene statue, only our chests rising and falling rapidly. Then, he pulled out, took the rubber off and tied a knot on it, dropping it onto the ground. Fixing his pants, he started humming a melody which my half-dead brain eventually recognised as a Doraemon theme.

“Well, I guess I’ll take my leave for now,” he said, looking at me; I was lying exhausted on the couch, covered in sweat, lube and my own cum, with my dick still hard and wet because I didn’t get to come the second time. “Don’t stay like that for too long. You’ll catch a cold. Thanks for the meal.”

“You dick,” I threw at his back. After the door clicked, I tried to sit up, but I couldn’t. It had been way too intense.

Obnoxious.

Overbearing.

Preposterous.

Tiresome.

Arrogant.

Haughty.

Irritating.

Not leaving me any space to breathe.

Filling me up, both I and my flat were full of his scent.

The thought of having to see him tomorrow was terrifying. _How the hell should I face him?_ I thought, covering my eyes.

What a nightmare.


	5. Be Careful Around Injured People (They're Dangerous)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling angry and used, Hijikata goes to work only to find out Gintoki called in sick. For reasons unknown even to himself, he decides to go and visit Gintoki with some get-well gifts.  
> Warning: more loveless fuc- eh, sex. Also, pain and getting off on it.

The day before, he left and never showed his face. And the next day, he called in sick, despite that when he was ploughing my ass, he seemed totally fine.

That bastard. How dared he.

He didn’t show up at work the day after, nor on Thursday, either. And when Friday came and he was still nowhere to be seen, I finally snapped. I highly doubted he’d done that out of consideration. Towards me, he had no such feelings, of course. Sure, it would be hard for me to face him, but if I really hate something, it’s half-assed work. He got into our office a week ago, and then he disappeared for five days? Talk about slacking off.

At the end of the day, I asked Kondo-san about Gintoki’s address. And even though I hated myself for doing it, I went to his place immediately after work, I didn’t even stop at home. I only went to the convenience store and bought some stuff that might be useful. He hadn’t told Kondo-san what was wrong with him, so I couldn’t get any medicine, but I wouldn’t do that anyways… probably.

I was not even sure why I’d gone and bought those things. I even remembered that he had a sweet tooth and bought some strawberry milk for him, although I’ve never tried it myself.

And heck if I knew why I did that.

It was on a whim, I supposed. Except… I was never one to have whims.

Gritting my teeth, I clutched the plastic bag I was holding and I rang the doorbell of Gintoki’s flat. To tell the truth, that place was so run-down I wondered if people really lived there, but I have noticed that the shop downstairs was open, so I walked up the stairs and found that door.

The door slid open and there was a small girl standing, her hair orange and eyes blue. I stepped back in shock, but she, thankfully, hadn’t noticed, because she turned her head to look into the flat and called out: “Gin-chan! Some weirdo’s come to visit you!”

I bit my tongue to prevent myself from cussing. Who the weird among the two of us was, anyone could see.

“What weirdo? I was sure nobody knew I…” he appeared in the hallway. “Ah. Why hello, Oogushi-kun. What are you doing here?” he asked, leaning on the wall. I couldn’t see his face clearly; it was dark in there.

“Kondo-san told me that you sounded really worn out on the phone, but you seem just fine to me. What are you doing, slacking off like this? I was made to do your part both yesterday and today, you know.”

There was a pause, then he turned to that orange-haired girl and said: “Sorry, Kagura, this is too sudden, but could you take Sadaharu and go to Shinpachi’s for today?”

“Uh? Sure, but why?”

“This is my co-worker. Knowing him, he came here because there’s something he needs to discuss with me. It might disturb us, your running all over the place and playing with your dog.”

“Ah, I see. Adult matters,” she nodded seriously, then she whistled. “Sadaharu! Come, we’re going out!”

There was a stomping and then a huge white… thing… sort of dog-like, but not really, appeared and ran past me. That Kagura girl followed it, waving: “Bye-bye, Gin-chan! Bye-bye, Gin-chan’s weird friend!”

Gritting my teeth, I looked into the darkness of Gintoki’s flat. That perm-head was nowhere to be seen, but he left the door open, and so, after some hesitating, I invited myself in, closing the door as I went. My footsteps echoed weirdly through the hallway as I went, it was too silent. That guy had closed his blinds, so it was dark in the whole place, and there was a smell of sweat lingering, like he never aired it, as if…

Suddenly, I got grabbed by the throat and thrown backwards. I closed my eyes, expecting to hit the ground hard, but I was surprised to have landed on a futon. “What’re you...?” I hissed, ready to punch him straight in the gut. He didn’t answer and sat on my thighs, then he started untying the obi of his yukata. “This is very convenient,” he said. “I’ve been itching to touch someone, but I can’t really go out like this.”

“What do you me…?” I asked, but I stopped mid-sentence when he threw his yukata aside. His chest and stomach were covered in bandages. The moment I was actually glad I didn’t punch him when I felt like it, because that might as well have been the end of him. “What did you do?” I asked, staring at him through the dark.

“Are you worried about me?” he chuckled.

“Bullshit.” I shook my head. “Seriously though, what did you do?”

“Nothing much. Some problems with drug dealing.” He leaned forward and loosened my tie, then he started unbuttoning my shirt.

“You… you are involved in that kind of shit?” I struggled, trying to push him away, but he was holding me strongly. Getting up on his knees, he swiftly turned me onto my stomach. “Hush now.” Quickly, he pinned my arms together behind my back.

My pants got tugged down along with my underwear. His one free hand squeezed my ass, pulling my cheeks apart. “Wait!” I attempted to fight him. “I’m not ready…!”

“Oh?” I gritted my teeth when he pushed one finger deep into me. It slid right in, he must have licked it beforehand. “Seems like you’re clean inside, though.”

“W-Well, not like I had any other option, right? If you were to stop by unexpectedly… nh!” I muttered into the futon through my clenched teeth, ending my sentence with a moan when he pulled out his finger unexpectedly. He didn’t get off me and something rustled; I tried to turn my head to look at what he was doing, and caught a glimpse of him putting a condom on. While I appreciated it, things were happening way too quickly! “… Why are you already hard?”

“With an ass like this in front of me, why wouldn’t I be? I’m glad to hear you’re always ready for me, though,” he leaned forward and his tip poked my butt.

“Don’t joke around, you can’t just shove it— Aaarrgh!” I didn’t get to finish what I was saying. It hurt like _fuck_ , he didn’t even make any effort for me to get used to it first, and holding me pinned down onto the futon, he slammed himself all the way in. “Ngh…!” I bit down onto the sheet, tears of pain rolling down my cheeks as he started moving. I felt faint; because I was gnawing at the beddings with all my might so that I wouldn’t cry out, I had a hard time breathing, and my head was spinning like crazy.

The worst part was that I actually got hard under such circumstances. After a number of thrusts, the acute pain became a dull ache and instead of feeling disgusted or unwilling, I desperately wanted to cum. It still hurt, but through the haze of pain I sensed a wave of arousal I couldn’t resist. My hips would buck on their own in an attempt to rub my cock with the futon. I listened to my heartbeat, my groans, and his heavy panting above me. “This is so good…” he bellowed deeply and I shuddered, moaning through my nose, because these words echoed right behind my ear and Gintoki’s hot breath tickled the nape of my neck.

“Fuck,” his movements quickened and I cried out in surprise when he hit _that_ inside and sent my senses and reason flying. With each thrust of his hips I was losing a bit of myself, I stopped caring about the sounds I made, I was just getting so, so close, and…! “Ghnn…”

I came only from getting fucked in the ass; just that alone wouldn’t be very surprising, but to come from being done _this way_?

Gintoki pulled out. I didn’t even notice when he finished; as he exhaled shakily and collapsed on my back, I cussed silently at the sensation of something wet rubbing my lower back. “You’re a fucking animal.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled breathlessly. “You okay?”

“I s’pose. What about you though? Your injuries?” I responded, my voice raspy.

“It’s fine. These are almost healed already. I heal fast, you know.”

“Get the hell off me,” I muttered. Gintoki got up on his elbows, then flopped to the side. “Say, what was that about before?” I asked.

“What was what about?”

“The drugs…”

“Ah, that. Forget about that, it doesn’t concern you. More importantly,” he said, grabbing my chin and making me look at him, “I know that it’s impossible in our daily lives, but down at that place, at night, I want you not to hide that you belong to me.”

“I don’t want to,” I grumbled, rolling over and slowly sitting up.

Suddenly, he pushed me down again so quickly I almost hit my head. “Let me rephrase,” he narrowed his eyes. “If you don’t let those annoying pests know that Toshiko-chan is mine, I’m seriously going to lock you up.”

“Wha…” I stared at him, his frightening, beast-like silhouette looming over me like a predator over his prey. He leaned down and bit hard into that mark he’d left on me before.

I closed my eyes. What the hell was I supposed to say?


	6. Fear the Vixen's Mind Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toshi has decided to fight against Gintoki, coming up with a certain plan. However, in the midst of carrying said plan out, he comes to a realization leading to a conclusion that it would be, at least for the time being, better to leave things as they are.

“Eeh? No way! You are actually with that guy?” Hiroki, eyes wide open, grabbed my shoulders as if he had something to hold onto at that moment. “That’s unbelievable!”

“What, don’t tell me you aimed for the same, Hirotan?” I chuckled, though in fact mentally I was nowhere close to feeling amusement, let alone happiness of any kind. The day before, I gave some thought to what Gintoki said, and then, with an ulterior motive in mind, I agreed to his demand. I was acting scurvy and was well aware of that, but I couldn’t help it, I wanted to free myself from Gintoki’s grasp. Even at the moment, while he was nowhere to be seen, I felt like he was binding me. He’d marked me as his own and it bothered me so freaking much I couldn’t sleep properly.

He didn’t even let me go home and instead of leaving me the fuck alone, he went for one more round of sex and after that, he used me as a hugging pillow. That freaky orange-haired girl returned in the morning and it was really sheer luck that she didn’t catch us _in flagrante delicto_ , because that guy was damn ready to jump me again the first thing in the morning, as if there were no other things on his mind. Sex and food, can there actually be people with their desires so… narrow?

“Ha-ha, no way, no way,” Hiroki waved his hand. “It’s just that I never expected you to find a partner.”

“Well, you are right, I’m not really compatible with most people,” I nodded thoughtfully. “This happened mostly because he’s one scary guy, you see. Let’s sit,” I pointed in the general direction of the café tables.

“He’s forced himself on you?” Hiroki seemed shocked, even more so when I nodded in agreement, as we settled down. I felt a little bit guilty for using my friend as the one to spread nasty rumours about Gin, but then again, that was my true objective. I wanted to see just how far Gintoki was willing to go. “See, I even have gloves today, because my wrists are bruised. He tied me up.” That was true, he did tie me up for the second round, though the bruises were caused by my struggling. I was an idiot for resisting him and I was painfully aware of my own stupidity. He, though injured, would’ve overpowered me if he wanted to, and it was only because he deemed it fun that he let me fight back. If he’d actually wanted, he could’ve made me unable of batting an eyelash without his consent.

 “But you know,” I narrowed my eyes and leaned closer to Hiroki, “maybe I wouldn’t mind if you tried to snatch me away from him.” It was an act, a joke, of course. Hiroki was completely straight, there was no way he’d ever be anything else than a friend. I liked him, but not in _that_ way.

Hiroki chuckled at it, of course he knew I didn’t mean it. Not because I’d been that eager to belong to Gintoki, more like because neither of us wanted to shack up with the other.

“What is this, Toshiko-chan? I’m not around for a few hours and you already try to charm other men?” I heard behind my back suddenly and I nearly flipped the table. “You… what are you doing here? You said you weren’t coming today!” I snapped, turning around.

“That was a lie, obviously,” Gintoki – no, Shiroyasha – poked my shoulder with his finger. “Why do you flirt with him like that?”

“Hiroki’s a friend of mine. And you’re an idiot for thinking I would hit on _any_ guy at all.”

“How am I an idiot? And you’re even wearing a dress that cover all the hickeys I gave you yesterday.” He reached out to me and gently brushed my neck; his hand slowly slid to my shoulder, mid-way applying pressure on the hickey as it went.

“T-This is… I always wear this kind of dress!” I backed down a little on reflex. “And you are really stupid.” I grabbed his hair and yanked his head down. “He’s straight. And happily married, to boot. Don’t jump into weird conclusions,” I whispered into his ear.

“Is that so?” he answered, grabbing my wrist and squeezing. I flinched, it hurt a bit. Not much, because the bruises weren’t serious, but my face tensed enough for Hiroki to notice. “Shiroyasha,” he said and got up. “I don’t know what exactly are you up to, but I guarantee you that if you _dare_ hurt Toshiko-chan, I will make sure that you don’t have a single ally down here.”

“He’s quite perceptive, isn’t he?” Gintoki said and slowly let go of my hand, not budging a bit. “Even more than you are, Toshiko-chan. Yes,” he looked at Hiroki, “I do have an ulterior and not very nice motive, and yes, I wasn’t really acting fair when I made Toshiko-chan mine. However, now that this lovely person _is_ mine, nobody has the right to say anything.” His fingers slowly slid down my neck again. I shuddered, gulping.

_Scary_.

“Not to mention,” he added with a smirk, “I think Toshiko-chan might have a slight masochistic streak.”

“That’s not something I needed to know,” Hiroki shook his head. “What I wanted to make clear is that if you do anything that Toshiko-chan dislikes, you make yourself many enemies, including myself. To me, Toshiko-chan is an important person. Don’t you _dare_ ever forget that. I’ll crush you.” They stared each other down for a while, neither of them looking away. “Well, now, if you’ll excuse me, unfortunately, I have an urgent business to attend to.” Hiroki turned to go.

“Hiro… tan.” I stared at his back as he was leaving. He sure knew to be childish at times, but I never expected him to lash out like this.

“You should probably let him know that we actually _agreed_ on this kinda relationship,” he said and he grabbed my hips. “Say, shall we leave and play?”

I shook my head. “Nope. You’re a champion, meaning if you came here, you probably have a match to win.”

“Damn, you saw through me,” he chuckled.

“Who are you battling against?”

“Uh… let’s see… I already fought him once… Kisei, was it?” he paused thoughtfully.

“Eh?” I asked; I was surprised. “You already managed to beat him into a pulp, so why?”

“He’s the challenger,” Gintoki shrugged his shoulders. “He probably thinks he can win now.”

“Be careful,” I shook my head. “If it’s like that, he’s probably came up with some dirty trick that is questionable, but is likely to pass as valid in the end – or maybe he’s going to do something hardly noticeable, so the judges won’t even know. Since you’re injured, you shouldn’t have accepted.”

“Oh?” Gintoki chuckled. “Are you underestimating me?”

“Not at all, I’ve seen you fight and you know that,” I growled. “But I know Kisei better than I know you. He’s a bastard and I don’t want to see him win against someone who claims I’m his possession. Because, you know what that would mean?”

“What?” the silvernette tilted his head to the side.

“That he’s won me. So when you fight, remember – I’ll castrate you if you fail and I end up in Kisei’s filthy hands.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “I will fight and win for you, Toshiko-chan. You have to come to cheer me on.”

“Well then,” I responded with a slight smirk, “I shall be there to see Kisei’s loss.”

“Okay,” Gintoki chuckled and got up. “It’s about time I get ready,” he said and left. I watched his broad back for a while, then I got up, too. Yet again, I went to bet my money on Shiroyasha’s win, and yet again, I was surprised how many people _still_ blindly follow Kisei, though he’d already lost once against the White Demon.

As I was sitting on the seat waiting for the next duellists to enter the arena, I’ve noticed that Hiroki was standing nearby and looking at me, so I waved at him to come closer. He did so, though rather reluctantly.

“Really, if he’s bothering you, just say so,” he said even before he sat down next to me. I shook my head, smiling. “Don’t mind it,” I said. “Though he is forceful, I have an agreement with him. I’m in danger if anything happens to him, you see.”

“Oh.” He looked at the people in the arena. Somebody unimportant had won, but at the moment, they were cleaning the place to prepare it for the main event – a challenge. That didn’t happen often, usually the duelling people got matched up according their success in fights. The fact that Kisei wanted to get his face back was an event on its own. I looked at my friend. “Did you place your bet?”

“Of course I did,” he nodded. “No matter how much I dislike that guy, he’s bound to win again. Did you bet on him?”

I agreed silently. “Not only he is bound to win. If he doesn’t win, he’s going to lose _me_. I talked with Kisei when I went to place my bet, and he said he’s totally going to win me over; G- Shiroyasha probably told someone, I don’t know how else Kisei would have known. Still, it’s so typical of him to make a competition of me… So, I suppose the Shiroyasha is fighting for more than just the simple victory.”

“They can’t treat you like some object,” Hiroki shook his head in disapproval.

“Unfortunately for me,” I responded, “they can and they’re going to. And if I were to have to choose between Kisei and Shiroyasha, I’m totally going for the latter.”

“Why? How are they different?” Hiroki frowned, it didn’t seem like he believed me.

“Well, since I suffered the misfortune of seeing Kisei without his clothes, I’m positive that he’d break me if he actually had sex with me, Hirotan. Also… My partner might be an ass, but in comparison to Kisei, he uses his head, at least sometimes.” _And I feel Kisei would abandon me shortly after, but with Gintoki, that isn’t the case,_ I thought, although that was not something I would tell Hiroki. _Gintoki sees me as something that is useful only when it is by his side. Kisei doesn’t need that and he would most likely get bored of me quickly, and after he’d cast me aside, I wouldn’t be able to show my face down here ever again. Nobody wants to admire a fallen queen._ I smirked bitterly.

The gong echoed through the whole place and I realised that Kisei and Gintoki have already entered the ring. “Begin!”

The whole audience held their breath and absolute silence filled the air.

The fighters just stared at each other for a while, judging the other. Then, Kisei attacked first with his heavy fists; he’d probably decided to bet on his speed which was really something worth talking about. He seemed to want to end it as quickly as possible, but Gintoki – thankfully for once – was not keen on going along with it.

Up until that moment, I’d never seen anyone to be able to dodge Kisei’s fist without even making contact with it. The Shiroyasha, and I had to think of nothing but the name as I was watching the gaze in Gintoki’s eyes, sidestepped Kisei elegantly and before the flipping mountain gorilla could react, he received a hard hit on the back of his head. The White Demon’s movement was smooth like silk.

Kisei grunted in pain and just at that moment I realised that the jab was more painful than it seemed to be; Kisei would never react this much due to just an ordinary hit. He risked and kicked backwards, making only a half-turn. Most of people would be caught off-guard, and (given the aim of the kick) probably impotent for the rest of their miserable lives.

Not Gintoki.

He grabbed Kisei’s foot in motion and quickly moved his hands. Kisei let out a deep growl of pain; Gintoki dislocated his knee so fracking smoothly it looked like he was performing some dance moves. Then, the Shiroyasha let go of Kisei.

The injured man let out another deep bestial growl and with a tortured groan, he forcibly put his knee back in place. I gulped, my throat clenching; that was disgusting as hell, and a very dangerous thing to do. Gintoki was more skilled than Kisei was, obviously. It seemed he enjoyed causing pain to his opponent, and even though I approved of that in this particular case, I felt a new wave of fear coldly creeping through my veins. This was the second time for me to see him fight and this level of hostility towards someone was terrifying.

Hiroki muttered something, but I couldn’t hear him; I was staring at the duo, the inside of my mouth completely dry.

I noticed that Gintoki, no matter how much pain he caused, was careful not to inflict any permanent damage. At the moment, he dislocated Kisei’s shoulder for a change; Kisei seemed so slow and clumsy compared to the Shiroyasha. He hadn’t been able to land a single hit on Gintoki, he was already worn out and drenched in sweat – his brutish muscles were sparkling with sweat drops. His arm was hanging limp by his side, he’d lost the moment he entered that fight. Gintoki, on the other hand, was fully dressed and he didn’t seem to even have to wipe his brows.

The Shiroyasha was _playing_ with Kisei.

Killing was not allowed and Gintoki seemed content with it; it would be useless to be a winner if the loser had no idea that he’d lost.

The Shiroyasha buried his knee in Kisei’s stomach, the power of the kick causing Kisei to cough. When the enemy of mine bent over on reflex and started choking, Gintoki used the moment to throw him off balance and Kisei found himself hitting the floor so hard he’d lost his breath.

The audience stared for a few seconds quietly. Then, the silence exploded; everyone started cheering, though there were still many people that had lost their money because Kisei got beaten.

A new champion was born.

Gintoki’s eyes found my face and he smiled. I shuddered, a chill running down my spine. I turned around, swallowing hard. “Hirotan,” I said, my voice shaking the slightest bit, “it was nice to see you again, but I need to go now.”

“Eh? Already?”

“Because of him,” I answered, my fists clenching.

“Yeah, I noticed he was looking this way,” Hiroki nodded. “I’ll come with you to collect the money you’ve won, okay?”

“I don’t need you protecting me,” I smiled. “But if you want to come with me, I won’t stop you.”

He gave me a look, then he patted my shoulder. “There, there,” he said. “It’s going to be fine.”

“I hope so,” I nodded as I turned to leave. Shooting a brief glance over my shoulder, I could see Gintoki still staring at me.

My palms were sweating and I knew he was going to visit me at night again.


	7. Loving the Hate This Makes One Feel (Is Probably Not a Good Thing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear and want. Resentment and lust. Hijikata's head is full of contradictive emotions, but he knows he's lost ground under his feet and there's hardly any going back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is slightly shorter, I just wanted to post it already.

“Damn it!” I swore, slamming the door of my apartment shut. On my way home, I’d stopped by public restrooms and changed into normal clothes. I also got rid of makeup and I hid my wig. It was a place I stopped at quite often, it was a bit run-down, but that only meant there was a lot of opportunities to hide things and nobody would enter that place, not even homeless people. There were better, newer restrooms not too far from there, and so I had that place all for myself.

Never mind that, though. I had a problem on my hands. The second I entered home, I jumped into the shower and started scrubbing myself clean. Partially because I knew Gintoki was going to appear any second, but in fact, my frantic effort to wash my skin was mostly caused by Gintoki’s gaze. The way he looked at me at the arena, it felt like he got me dirty all over with that single stare of his. At the moment, he had already forgotten about the fight he’d won; his face was full of lust, though I was sure I was the only one who was aware what his facial expression meant. It was like… like after the fight, a need had been awoken, a need of a different kind, a need I was the reliever for. Sexual desire was burning within his eyes; I’d never seen him like that before, it wasn’t as intense back then.

The bathroom door opened. I yelped, covering myself; he was standing there, a bag in his hand. “Relax,” he said with an unreadable smile curving his lips, “it’s not like I can possibly jump you in the shower. I’m injured.” He stepped closer. “Your face is red,” he chuckled, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m getting ready, so get the fuck out and wait,” I growled angrily, my embarrassment obvious as hell.

“Sure,” he said. “I just brought you something I wanted you to wear for me is all.” He raised the hand with the bag.

“Leave it here then,” I turned my back to him, deciding to pretend that I’m ignoring his presence, though I was painfully aware of whatever he did.

“Hurry up. And don’t bother with make-up, your face is fine as it is,” he said and I jumped, because that bastard son of a bitch squeezed my bare ass before he left.

I was standing there, fists clenched, my teeth pressed together so hard it hurt. “Asshole,” I whispered silently. I was already clean, I had been moments ago before he barged in, and I could get to whatever kind of play he wanted, it was just… I didn’t want to.

Closing the water and sighing heavily, I got out of the shower stall and wiped myself dry; then, after taking a deep breath, I looked into the bag to see what kind of distasteful thing Gintoki could’ve bought.

I stared breathlessly. The colour itself was awful, but… other than that, wow, what in the actual fuck. It was a dress. The frilliest dress I’ve ever had in my hands. The skirt was short, but not unbearably short, and had a crazy number of layers; the dress had no sleeves and it was _fucking pink._ Mostly. Some parts of it were purple. And it must’ve been damn expensive because it was made of silk. Actual, real highest quality silk, not the see-through kind, but a thick, soft, pink silk decorated with prints of sakura twigs and violet clouds.

I sighed and wrapped myself in a towel, getting out of the bathroom. As I was, I entered the living room, where Gintoki was sitting and waiting for me, and I said: “I’m not going to wear it.”

“Oh? And why is that?” Gintoki got up, turning to me, and he eyed me; I felt blush rise to my cheeks, it was irritating, I couldn’t fight it. I felt like he can see through the towel.

“Because we never agreed that I have to do whatever you want. I just said I won’t refuse to have sex with you. Also, if we did the nasty in that dress, we would totally ruin it. It must have been expensive as hell—” I started, but he stepped closer, interrupting me: “I didn’t pay a single yen for it.” He came close to me and his hands slid up my stomach and chest. Then he stepped in and as we were chest to chest, his hands slid to my ass. I felt his lips brush over my neck and I shivered when he sank his teeth into my skin, like it was some obsession of his. “Oh well, this is fine too,” he said. “But if you don’t want to wear it now, you’re going to wear it the next time we’ll go to Rengokukan.”

“And if I refuse?” I asked, my voice shaking the slightest bit as I was trying not to get distracted by the fact that his hands forcefully took the towel from my clenched hands and threw it aside.

“I’ll do you so hard you won’t be able to walk for three days.” He leaned to the nape of my neck and he trailed hard bites all the way from my ear down to my shoulder, making my knees gradually give in; I was standing just because my pride wouldn’t let me fall into his arms. “F-Fine, I get it,” I sighed reluctantly. Among the last things I ever wanted to do was to wear a dress like that. On the other hand, this hesitation was outweighed by the fact that it’d be a waste not to wear such an expensive piece of clothing.

“Also,” that fucker grabbed me and lifted me off the ground, “you’ll keep me company wearing that dress. I brought that thing because I wanted to _see_ you wearing it.”

“What the fuck – PUT ME DOWN, BASTARD!” I yelled, struggling, but he wouldn’t let go and instead, he carried me off to my bedroom.

My _bedroom_.

We were actually going to do it in my _bedroom_.

He kicked the door open and threw me onto the sheets, and it was only sheer luck that I did not hit my head. Not very carefully, he plopped on the bed next to me and kicked his shoes off, looming over me with a grin. I stared him down wordlessly, hoping that he might change his mind.

His hair tickled my face as he leaned down to nibble on my earlobe, and his lips soon went lower, brushing over my skin lightly. He bit my collarbone harshly and I yelped in pain, as I did not expect that. Chuckling at my reaction, he attacked my nipple with his teeth, too, and though he was a bit gentler than moments ago, it did hurt, and various sounds (and curses) escaped my throat.

Of course, it wasn’t just pain I felt. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I was enjoying it, but it _was_ doing something for me.

He looked up at me and I shuddered. Forget the bites, it was his gaze that electrified each and every single one of my nerves and bound me to him. He was dangerous, I knew that already, of course, and I feared him, but… apart from fear, there were other feelings involved. Above all, it was thrilling. A part of me hated it, but at the same time, I was curious, and, well… it was not like I got the short end of the stick when it came to the pleasure I received.

This overbearing and selfish asshole was starting to fill the void I created in myself during my years of carefully calculated solitude. I was feeling terribly conflicted, but something in me wanted to just give in.

_Would he lose his interest if I really gave in?_

_Probably._

_Most likely._

_… Yeah, he would. And I’m not sure how well I’d cope if he used me like that._

He sucked on my skin to make a hickey and I screwed my eyes tight shut, biting my lip. I liked that, and though the thought of him marking me over and over again was making me feeling resentful, I wanted him to do it.

I inhaled sharply when his hand slowly slid to my crotch; he pushed one of my knees up and I felt my face flush.

“ _Mayday, mayday, this ship is slowly sinking_ ,” suddenly, a ringtone echoed through the room. “ _They think I’m crazy, but they don’t know the feeling_ …”

“Dammit, just when it was about to get good,” Gintoki muttered and pulled away from me immediately, picking up. “What is it?” he said. He listened for a few seconds, then he sighed. “Shut it. I’m coming over. You’ll explain after I get there. Seriously, causing me nothing but trouble.” He ended the call and looked at me. “Sorry, Toshiko-chan. I’ll play with you some other time.” He patted my head and left, leaving me there, stark naked, half-hard and utterly confused… and for some reason, slightly disappointed.

I sat on the edge of my bed, sighing heavily, clutching my hair in my hands as I heard the door of my flat close. “Why…” I whispered. His lips had touched me all over my skin, and yet… “Why wouldn’t he kiss me,” I breathed out.

For the first time in my life, I craved the lips of another.


	8. Down the Path of Humiliation, Up the Staircase of Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HIjikata hates to admit it, but he's worried about Gintoki. There's so much shady stuff going on around that guy, he can't help being worried. Starting with strange injuries and ending with the way he acts towards Hijikata, Gintoki is beyond weird and the poor Toshiko is being affected by him way too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, there are going to be longer intervals between the updates, since I don't have the rest written out. Feel free to tell me if there's anything you'd like to see or if you have any questions regarding this fanfic.  
> Again, thanks for reading this.

I was sitting in my office, staring at the monitor of my computer, and I desperately tried to hold back the urge to turn my head and look at Gintoki on the other side of our booth. The night he left, he didn’t come back and he hadn’t contacted me at all the whole weekend. When I met him in the morning, he was surely slightly paler than he normally was and he seemed tired; also, though he greeted me casually and the other co-workers hadn’t noticed anything unusual, I was sure he was less talkative than the other days. The fact he was quiet made him less annoying, but I was kind of worried.

For me to worry about someone? And to be worried about this stupid lazy idiot, to boot? Seriously, had the Heaven touched the earthly face? I looked to the window, half expecting to see flying mayonnaise bottles above the streets, because there had been so many crazy things happening lately that it was becoming more and more possible. Unfortunately, the sky was immobile, boring and grey like a whole week made of Mondays only, so I shrugged my shoulders and turned to my keyboard again. My fingers continued typing silently.

This kind of silence was suffocating. I could hear Gintoki’s fingers moving, too, but other than that, there was no sound heard and it was slowly starting to piss me off more than his usual noisiness. I gritted my teeth and got up, slamming my palms on the desk. Walking up to him, I said: “Coffee?”

He slowly looked up; his eyes met mine and seeing him up close, I could see that he had dark bags under his eyes and even the white surrounding his weirdly-coloured orbs turned a little reddish. Almost against my will, I looked at his lips, the normally so soft-looking, plump, alluring lips of lightly pink colour. This time, they were pallid, dry and chapped; it was still before noon but he was apparently already dead tired.

“Six sugars and milk, please,” he answered hollowly and he mechanically turned back, continuing his work. I turned on my heel, quickly walking to the coffee machine. I also needed a good mug of black – FUCK, I left my mug at my computer. Going back, I came just in time to see my most annoying colleague, Okita Sougo, sitting at my desk. “The fuck you doing, asshole,” I growled and quickly jumped to him just to see him posting a Facebook status on my account.

_I am gay. XD_

My blood froze.

I was aware that Okita doesn’t know shit, but if somebody who had their suspicions read that, I might as well leave work and move again. Because I was bloody hell scared of gossips. If any of the people around me knew the actual truth, I would die of shame.

“Piss off,” I didn’t hesitate a split second as I punched him off my chair. He fell on the ground, laughing. I clenched my teeth and wondered for a glimpse if it would be okay for me to kick him in the balls. I decided it was not okay and I kicked him there as strongly as I could. Or rather, I tried to, but that self-centred bastard dodged it, hence only his stupid ass caught my foot.

“Calm down, Hijikata-san,” he said, suddenly his usual poker face planted on that idiotic head of his. He got up and walked away. I let him. I hated him from the very bottom of my heart and was bloody afraid of him particularly finding out about me, because he’d feed it to me every time he’d see me.

Forgetting all about coffee, I sat to the computer to quickly delete that stupid status. There was one notification that somebody commented it already, and I felt a chill of horror run down my spine. Thankfully, it was Yamazaki – the only person that I believed was reasonable.

_I’m betting my shoes Sougo wrote this._

Before I could delete it, another comment appeared there.

Sakata Gintoki.

I regretted adding him to my friends list. I had all my colleagues there, but it was only because of work, obviously. Shuddering, I clenched my teeth and forced myself into reading the comment.

_He did. I was sitting here and saw him writing it._

Surprised, I turned to glance at Gintoki. He looked back at me and gave me a small smile, then he said: “The coffee?”

“Oh. R-Right…” I responded and quickly deleted that humiliating status, then I got up, locking my computer so that it was asshole-proof; afterwards, I grabbed my mug and looked properly if Gintoki’s mug was there. Before, I wanted to simply get him a plastic cup, but at that moment, I was feeling grateful and sort of indebted to him. I found his mug and when I leaned over him so that I could reach it, I whispered: “Thanks for just now.”

He didn’t answer and I was glad that he didn’t. What had happened was just a tiny, stupid thing; if Sougo wrote anything else than that, I would brush it off. I would yell at him and tell him he’s an idiot and an asshole and a prick and then I would calm down gradually, letting things be. But that one sentence, those three words kept haunting me ever since I realised it. There was no way I’d let him know that he hit the target more accurately than he intended to, but it was true, I was queer as fuck and there was nothing I could do about it, so I was hiding it from the people who knew me, making sure that nobody would get close enough to me to find out this disgusting secret of mine.

And Gintoki, who knew about me, who sneaked past the walls I built around myself, the same Gintoki who blackmailed me repeatedly… he supported me without wanting anything as in return. He also selflessly improved my relationship with my brother, though I was still getting there rather slowly. He was so full of contradictions it was spinning my head ‘round and ‘round. For some reason, this thought reminded me of that one time when he basically took me against my will, that time when I came over and he chased out Kagura, that orange-haired girl with blue eyes. He did jump me once more after the first time, but he was suddenly as gentle and careful with the lower part of my body as he could be. My wrists were tied and I struggled a bit more than I had to, but in fact, I was fully aware that he was being _nice_ to me. It was always like this with him as I felt at any given moment – ups and downs without anything in the middle. If I imagined our relationship in a graph, then being with him didn’t equal a line, a normal progression of one thing to another; it was more like dozens of dots very high above and very low under the middle line around which most of normal people’s relationships existed and moved. When something unpleasant happened, something good suddenly came flying from a direction I’d never expect it to come. And vice versa.

I cussed silently when I realised I just put three cubes of sugar in my coffee. Sighing, I put six of them in Gintoki’s milky coffee and I stirred it with a spoon, then I grabbed the mugs and went back. The office was silent again and the atmosphere in our booth was sleepy.

“Here,” I said and carefully put the mug next to him so that I wouldn’t spill a drop.

“Thanks,” he answered and grabbed it, sipping. He rolled the coffee over his tongue, then he swallowed and chuckled silently. “I think I’m going to make you my secretary,” he mumbled. “The coffee’s good.”

“Your coffee’s disgusting,” I grumbled. “When I tried to stir it, the spoon remained standing in your mug. Whatever that thing is, it’s not drinkable.”

“Is too. You’re exaggerating. You haven’t tried it, so you can’t understand.” He chuckled again and turned back to his monitor. The conversation with him seemed normal, but… I paused, not going to sit back to my computer, and I stared at Gintoki. In the only booth that was next to us, Harada got up and left, be it for toilet or an early lunch break, I didn’t care. I waited for him to be far enough not to hear us, then I whispered: “You okay?”

“Why do you ask?” Gintoki also lowered his voice, looking at me.

“Because you’re apparently not okay,” I hissed.

“If it’s so obvious, why do you ask,” the perm-head murmured.

“That’s also obvious,” I leaned closer and looked straight into his eyes. “I want you to tell me what happened.”

“Worried about me, eh?” he leered at me and I just barely resisted the urge to punch him in the face.

“Like hell,” I retorted. “If you don’t feel well, you won’t do your job right. I don’t want you to make mistakes, since they’re partly also my responsibility.”

“How cold-hearted of you,” he chuckled. “I’m fine. I just barely slept and I might’ve got myself hurt again. But it’s not like I can’t go to work, so here I am.”

“What the fuck are you doing, idiot. I don’t care about whatever you do in your free time, but—” I started. He, however, interrupted me – thankfully, for once, because I might have been about to accidentally blurt out something I would regret right after: “It’s just a few shallow wounds, just scratches. I bled a lot, but it’s going to heal soon. I do realise it’s more than convenient for you to be known as my partner down in Rengokukan, since most of the people there think I’m invincible. You don’t have to worry, I won’t let them know about the opposite,” he added, giving me another excuse I might need to fool myself with to convince myself that my relationship with him is still only calculating and is not turning into emotional dependence.

“If you know that, don’t get injured recklessly like a fool,” I barked out silently. “How serious are your wounds?”

“Not much. I got grazed by a few bullets here and there; no vital organs were hit. If there are any gods, they must love me.” He tapped his finger on his thigh – probably one of the spots where he was wounded.

“I don’t love you,” I smirked. It was just an attempt to push the conversation elsewhere, to stop the mood being so tense; I hated when it got like this with him, it felt too unnatural for him to be serious.

“You ain’t a god.”

“You sure?”

“You’re a goddess,” now it was his turn to smirk at me. “A very beautiful one, at that. A gorgeous goddess who makes excellent coffee for her partner and her master.”

He was whispering very silently, nobody but me could hear his words. Thankfully, I was facing the window, and so my face turning beet red couldn’t be seen by anyone. He chuckled, amused by my reaction, and he turned to face the monitor again. I staggered off to my seat and I heavily fell on my chair, putting my mug of coffee on the desk, then I buried my face into my hands. He had me wrapped around his little finger and he bloody knew that I was at his mercy. In fact, I intended to scold him at first, but he made me back down with what he said. It was a heel order, like I was his dog.

Taking a deep breath, I looked up. There was still work to do and I felt that I shouldn’t waste time being embarrassed.

Still, more often than I’d like to, I found myself thinking of him. Of his strong arms, rough palms with gentle touch, of his soft lips brushing all over my skin, of his muscles, of his hands forcefully, yet carefully holding my wrists behind my back, of his moist breath on my neck while he was deep inside of me, of his sultry voice whispering my name and dripping with arousal, of his sweat on my skin… and of the lingering full, strange scent of musk and the bittersweet taste of regret under my tongue that he always both left there every time he went home.

“You look like a girl in love, Hijikata-san, it’s disgusting,” Sougo appeared in front of me above the edge of the booth. “Let me take a photo of that expression, it would make an amazing magazine cover.” Not letting my face admit that he nearly made me flip my desk because of how much he startled me when he popped up out of nowhere, I got up and staring him right in the eye, I took my mug and before he could comprehend what was happening, I poured my disgustingly sweet coffee on his head.

“ _Fuck. Off,_ ” I hissed.

“Ah. Hot,” he said. “That’s abuse, Hijikata-san,” he said, his voice still completely emotionless and monotone. “It hurts.”

“It apparently doesn’t,” I retorted. “It was nearly cold anyway.”

“But now I need to go and get changed. And you destroyed my shirt.”

“Like I care,” I growled.

“ _Né_ , Hijikata-san, before I go. I’ll ask you a question and you can _only_ answer yes or no, nothing else. Okay?”

“What?” I said, I already stopped paying attention to him, so he caught me a bit off-guard.

“Does your family know that you’re gay?” he asked.

My eyebrow twitched, but I didn’t answer. He was doing it only because he wanted to piss me off, he had no idea that he’s right about my sexuality. He would pull off some gay jokes from time to time, that was just how he was, and there were many other ways to make me angry that he knew about.

Locking my computer again, I got up and went to make myself black coffee with no sugar. Okita, being ignored, left the room, probably to wash off the coffee and change his shirt; I noticed that he nearly collided with Harada at the door. The latter looked at the coffee-d Okita, then he gave me a weird stare and went back to his booth. I shrugged my shoulders, not really caring about him at the moment. I just bloody needed my coffee.

After I had my mug full of the warm black liquid, I went back and continued working ‘til noon. Then, the moment the clock struck twelve, Kondo-san entered the office and said: “Well then, everyone!” When all of us got up and looked at him, he said: “I have news for you. Some orders from above came and it’s me who should tell my precious colleagues,” he laughed wholeheartedly. “Some of you have been assigned to patrolling instead of office work. Don’t forget that you are policemen and all of you went through the training you need for doing this kind of job. It’s just temporary, but we need to have a change of air sometimes, right?” he laughed again. “Those whose names I read, take the rest of today and the next two days off so you can get ready. Stop by my office early on Thursday morning to get the right uniforms… and stuff. I’ll send you the details later.” He cleared his throat.

Then, and hell if I know why, he said my name.

My knees gave in and I fell back to my chair. Stunned, I stared at the last report I just sent, and I couldn’t hear anything, because my head was full of noise and confusion.

As if in dreams, I slowly packed my things and left the office, my legs shaking a little with each step as I was nearing home.

Ever since Gintoki appeared in my life, everything turned upside down. My routine had been breached, my daily life had been messed up and I found myself standing in a spot I didn’t like at all.

And though I was aware that half of my trouble was not caused by Gin, I couldn’t help blaming him. My hands were itching to grab my phone and call my brother, but I didn’t want to make him listen to my rant about having problems.

I unlocked my door and entered, then I slammed it shut and after taking my shoes off I went straight to my bedroom, where I fell face-down flat on the bed. I felt completely numb, my body wouldn’t listen to me and I didn’t want to move a lash.

Suddenly, the bed creaked and somebody sat down next to me, I didn’t have to look there to know who it was.

“How about we go to Rengokukan now,” Gintoki said. “So you can relax.”

“You also have to patrol?” I asked, because why else would Gintoki have enough free time to be at my place instead of being at work?

“Nope. I asked Kondo-san to let me leave for today on urgent business. He’s a kind boss. And a bit of an airhead. Normally, I would’ve been fired already.”

“You don’t have to tell me what I already know,” I growled and got up on my elbows. “And it’s still early. If you want me to go there with you, you need to wait ‘til the evening.”

“Okay,” he agreed; that surprised me, I expected him to argue with me over it. “Then I’ll stop by at half past eight and we’ll go,” he leaned closer. My breath hitched because he slid his hand up between my knees and thighs and grabbed me between my legs. “Don’t forget you promised to wear the dress,” he purred and got up. “I’ll go get some sleep. See ya for now.”

“Pervert,” I murmured under my breath.

I heard him leaving and after I was completely sure he was gone, I slowly sat up. He was manipulating me again, deciding things for me and making me do stuff I wasn’t keen on doing… but on the other hand, I really felt like I needed a breather. That situation at work made me feel unsettled and I was sure there were more problems ahead. It would surely be good to clear my head before facing them.

“Fuck you,” I hissed at the non-present Gintoki. I didn’t understand that guy. Why he wouldn’t kiss me even though he would use his mouth to do much nastier things. Why he would take hours off at work just to come here and say a few sentences. Why he set his eyes on me. What the hell I ever did to attract his attention. And why the _fuck_ I was hard when he barely touched me.


	9. Pink Is the Colour of Evil and a Sign of All Bad Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens. That... that pretty much sums it up, yeah. I really don't like writing summaries over and over. From now on, I'm making them as brief as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for the time being. I am a uni student and have first exams of the semester coming up soon, so next time, expect a chapter, say, around Christmas or slightly before Chrismas. Probably. Not promising anything.

“You’re not wearing the dress?” was the first thing that left his mouth when I opened the door. It was exactly half past eight, not less, not more.

“Of course not, idiot,” I said aloud and then I lowered my voice into a whisper: “It’s not like I can stroll around here wearing such a thing. The landlord would probably chase me out of this place. And people would get grossed out. Not everybody is as carefree as you are when it comes to things like this.”

“Okay, right, whatever. You ready?”

I shook my head. “Not yet.”

“Well, hurry up then!” he walked past me into my flat. I sighed and closed the door. “I’ll just finish taming my eyebrows and we’re good to go,” I said. “I’ll get changed somewhere on our way there.”

 “Okaaay,” he responded from the kitchen. I could hear him rummaging through my fridge and I rolled my eyes. “Is food the only thing on your mind?” I asked as I walked to the bathroom, leaving the door open.

“You’re on my mind sometimes, too,” he laughed and closed the fridge. “You need to buy something sweet. Half of your fridge is full of bottles. There’s like sixty kinds of mayo and no sweets – no ice-cream, no parfaits, not even yoghurt with fruits.”

“There’s exactly eleven kinds of mayonnaise and I don’t like sweet stuff,” I put down the pincers and left the bathroom again. I had to admit that he looked good. His shirt – probably so that he’d match with my dress – was light violet with the same pattern as the dress he gave me, only the pattern was pink. He had black trousers and since his shirt was opened a little, revealing some of his chest, I could easily imagine many people of both genders drooling at the mere sight of him. He didn’t look as tired as before, too.

Though I would never tell him, I felt slightly relieved.

“I remember you buying me some strawberry milk. I really liked it,” he looked at me through the door. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed the bag with the stuff I wanted to wear. “Are we going, then?”

He nodded and followed me slowly, as if he was thinking of something. Once we were outside, he said: “We’re going to swing by my place.”

“Why?” I asked, as I was walking down the stairs.

“Well, it would be more convenient for you to leave your bag someplace safe, right?” he explained. I nodded, he was right, of course; the thought of using his place for this, however, had never crossed my mind up until that moment.

“What about your girl, though?” I wondered. “I don’t want her to call me a weirdo again.”

“Oh, Kagura-chan?” he chuckled. “I think she already knows that you’re not just any regular weirdo. She’s very perceptive sometimes. Anyway, you don’t have to worry, the kids are staying at the dojo tonight.”

“Kids? I thought you had just one? And what dojo? Also, what does the girl know, exactly?” I turned to him once my feet were on solid ground and I was sure I wouldn’t trip and fall down the stairs.

“So many questions,” he chuckled. “Well, neither of the two are mine; except for Kagura, I take care of Shinpachi sometimes. His sister – her name’s Shimura Otae – is busy with their dojo and on top of that she’s a lousy cook, so the kids kind of each day eat and sleep at the other place. Today they ate at my place, so they’re sleeping at Otae’s tonight. Tomorrow it’s the opposite. As for your other question, she has met so many of my acquaintances that she wouldn’t be even surprised if you grew a second head.”

“I’d think that you’re more the cause than the people that come to visit you sometimes,” I muttered.

“Mnn, that wasn’t nice, Oogushi-kun,” he poked my ribs, and I swatted his hand away. “Don’t call me that,” I growled at him.

“You started it,” he giggled like a kid.

“How can you with your half-assed attitude take care of two kids,” I shook my head.

“Oh, I can get really serious if I want to,” he responded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “But if you disagree with it so much, you can help me. I have to feed them, after all.”

“No way,” I retorted. “I’ve never been good with children.”

“Have you tried it? It’s not that hard, they take care of themselves most of the time,” he took a longer step and now was walking right next to me.

“No.” There was a long pause in which the both of us were walking silently. Then, as we entered the street where Gintoki lived, I took a breath and asked the question that’d been bugging me ever since it appeared on my mind. “What is it anyway between you and that Shimura woman – that you help her bring up her little brother?”

He laughed and I wanted to bite my tongue at that moment, to take back what I just said, because both that line and the tone of my voice were oozing with jealousy. I didn’t intend for it to come out like that, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“She’s just a friend,” he shook his head, still laughing a little. “You don’t have to get jealous over her; we agreed in the beginning that we won’t sleep around, remember? I’m not so shallow I would go against my words, as long as you keep your part of the promise, that is,” he said.

“I’m not jealous,” I hissed angrily, being caught red-handed.

“Of course you are,” he smirked knowingly. “A jealous Toshiko-chan,” he shortly put his arm over my shoulders, then he let go of me and grabbing his keys, he walked up the stairs to get to his flat. Unlocking, he looked at me: “What are you waiting for, hurry up!” he called. I clenched my teeth and slowly followed him up, then closed the door as I entered Gintoki’s place. Unlike last time, the smell wasn’t as bad and he switched the light on, so though it was already dark outside, the rooms were lit.

“If you want to change in the bathroom, go ahead,” he said, pointing at a door, then he added: “Though I would love it if I could watch you getting ready.”

“No thanks,” I retorted, quickly jumped into the bathroom and locked myself in there. Opening my bag, I sighed heavily, looking at the outrageous colour of probably the most expensive dress I’ve ever held in my hands. I still haven’t asked Gintoki where he got it and why, since it must’ve been worth at least fourth months’ salary. Because of the dress, I went and bought pink shoes and make-up on the internet; I had to, since I had nothing that would match the style and the colour. After all, my whole wardrobe consisted of clothes in grey, dark green, navy blue or black, the only light blue shirt I had was a part of my work uniform. There were no other colours, both my male and female clothes were in shades of mentioned colours.

I sighed again and took out the dress, then I did the same with my newly bought shoes and make-up. Silently cursing between my teeth, I reluctantly changed into that pink silk monstrosity, then I looked at myself in the mirror that was there.

Good lord. Nobody would have thought that this would work for me, but in fact, I looked surprisingly good.

Question was, how did Gintoki know my exact size?

Barefoot, I opened my make-up box and started changing myself into a woman. Well, almost, apart from a few important details hidden under the fabric of the dress. Firstly, the dress; then make-up, then wig, then shoes, a pearl bracelet, a pearl necklace and a small pink purse as the last cherry on top.

Checking myself in the mirror again, I sighed for the third time – I looked like a blooming princess, this was just so wrong! Clenching my teeth, I hid all my stuff in the bag and unlocked the door. Gintoki was sitting on the couch, reading something. When he heard me enter, he put it aside and I noticed it was the latest printout of Jump – a manga magazine for kids. That, for some reason, was _so much_ like Gintoki.

“Hmm, nice,” he said, apparently highly pleased with himself. “Come here,” he waved his hand and I hesitatingly obliged. Once I was within his reach, he grabbed my hips and yanked me closer, his hands sliding under my skirt. He rolled the tight underskirt up and lifted the frills to see what was underneath. “I figured as much,” he smiled, obviously happy to see that I was wearing panties instead of boxers. I was not resisting his wandering hands, but I was looking at him with clear disapproval written all over my face. “Stop it,” I said when his hands went behind and in my underwear. He shrugged his shoulders and slowly fixed my skirt, shamelessly stroking my inner thighs as he was doing so. He got up and stood against me, face to face, way too close; subconsciously, I attempted to take a step back, but he grabbed my waist and leaned towards me. I closed my eyes.

His teeth scraped my neck and I felt him sucking a hickey at the most obvious place of all at which I wouldn’t be able to hide it. “There,” he pulled away and thumbed the freshly made bruise, “now we’re ready to go.”

“I hate you,” I breathed out.

“Feel free to,” he responded, then he took the bag from my hands and put it in a closet. “Well then,” he said and put his arm around my waist, grabbing my chin with his other hand. We stared each other down for a while, then I poked his ribs: “Are we going or what?”

He chuckled. “Sure,” and with that, he gave my ass a light squeeze and led me out through the door.

* * *

 

We caused quite the uproar when we got there. With that flashy pink dress and his hand still around my waist, I could feel many stares on us. Some of them were unpleasant, hateful; I knew well why. It wasn’t because they wanted me for themselves, no. It was because they thought _nobody_ could have me, and yet, that perm-headed idiot appeared out of nowhere, beat the strongest arena fighter and seized the ice queen within a few months. Not to mention he was quite the looker, even with his strange hair and eye colour.

Gintoki ignored everyone’s attention like it was nothing new to him, as he turned to me: “Listen, Toshiko-chan. There’s something I need to take care of first, so before we stroll around here for fun, I’m gonna leave your side for a while. Unless you can’t bear being alone, in which case, I’d gladly—”

“I’m fine,” I interrupted him. Even with my feminine manner of speaking, it was apparent he was pissing me off.

“Good,” he laughed and my eyebrow twitched. “Then, go play with that friend of yours or something. See you later.” He nosed my neck and I shuddered when he lightly bit on my skin; his eyes met with mine as he pulled away and I realised he was doing that for the others to see. My face flushed beet red and I took a deep shaky breath as I watched his broad back disappear in the crowd.

I was doomed.

I knew I was.

Well, it wasn’t surprising of me to be dependent on someone who fucked my brains out, but more often than not, I found myself asking just what would I do if he were to tire of me after all. Not paying attention to the stares of others, I slowly turned away to search for Hiroki.

It didn’t take me long; he was sitting in the very same café we chose last time, his laptop on the table, as he was working on something. I never got around asking why, but he would come to this café whenever he found the time. It did have a pleasant atmosphere, surprisingly so, considering its location, and it was not meant for those low on the underground social ladder. People would enter here in suits and dresses, making shady deals or discussing things nobody from the outside should hear. Hiroki, however, would sit at the table alone with his laptop. I never asked what he was doing, it was not the reason we were friends. If he wanted me to know, he would tell me.

When he noticed me, his eyes opened wide in surprise, but even so, he closed his laptop and waved at me to come join him. “Just _what_ are you wearing, Toshiko-chan?” he asked when I walked up to him and sat down as well.

“Well, uh…” I rubbed my neck, glancing away. I didn’t have to say anything; when I put my hand back down, he could see the hickey Gintoki made, and everything was suddenly clear as the day to him.

“Oh,” he said, frowning slightly. He was still worried about me. “He’s not forcing you into anything weird, right?”

“Depending on what you’d consider weird,” I responded, but added immediately: “It’s not even worth mentioning, really.”

Sighing, he shook his head. Clearly, he was not buying any of the bullshit I served him, and that would have originally been according to plan. However, at that moment, I was not so sure anymore if turning the whole Rengokukan against him was a good thing. To be completely honest, Gintoki himself was doing a pretty good job of that, my intervention might have been a mistake. “Why are you always here, Hirotan?” I asked, putting my inner turmoil aside for the moment.

“Oh, haven’t I told you?” he looked at me, slightly confused. “I thought for sure I…”

“You haven’t,” I smiled at him. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, though.”

“Oh no, it’s fine. You see, that’s my lovely wife over there,” he gestured to the counter. A woman was standing there and while there was nothing exceptional about her at the first glance, I could see she had a very pleasant way of dealing with customers, and her gestures were very refined. I never had any interest in her, but I vaguely remembered her.

“You’ve never introduced us,” I tapped the table with my finger, tilting my head.

“Well, you know about one another.”

“Yes, but I mean formally. Is she okay with you regularly hanging out with a very obvious transvestite?” I chuckled, teasing him.

“Believe it or not – no, you better believe it when I tell you she’s very understanding. It’s not like we dictate each other’s life.” He looked at his wife dreamily. At that moment, I felt a brief stab of envy in my heart. They both seemed so _happy_ I felt twice as bitter.

I got up. “I’m gonna go, Hirotan. It was nice seeing you, but I think I should go to Shiroyasha now. He said he had something to take care of, hopefully he’ll be done by the time I find him.”

“Alright. Be careful, Toshiko-chan.” Hiroki waved at me and opened his laptop again, as I turned to leave.

At the top of the staircase, some unimportant guy I never met walked up to me nervously. “U-Um, Toshiko-san…” I stopped, watching him. He was nervous as hell, basically grovelling in front of me, it felt disgusting. “Um…”

“Be a man and speak up a bit,” I sighed, looking at him with apparent disapproval. “Even in this dress and makeup, I’m more of a man than you are. What do you want?”

“I-I’m sorry!” he stuttered out, then he continued: “I- I was told to tell you that _he_ is waiting for you in the- the- the—” he paused, looking for a word that wouldn’t be too rude, “r-restroom upstairs… the one that is not b-being used…” He crouched a little under my gaze.

“ _He?_ ” I repeated.

„H-He said you’ll know.”

I stared him down for a couple of seconds. “You’re in the way,” I hissed in the end. “Move.” He scurried away and I quickly made my way to said place. I hated that spot, it was filthy and unpleasant and away from everything. Storming inside, not even really looking around, I barked out: “Can’t you just—”

Something hit my head and my vision went dark.


	10. You Don't Need Make-Up to Hide Your True Self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no summaries, like I said  
> shit unhappens and turns into different shit

“Hiroki, was it?”

Hiroki looked up from his laptop. “Shiroyasha.” With a frown, he continued: “What do you want?”

“Have you seen Toshiko-chan?” Gintoki looked around, searching for Hijikata. “I can’t find her anywhere.”

“She went off looking for you, and there was a guy who – up until now – I thought was your messenger, he told her where to go.” Hiroki’s frown deepened. “I hope she’s not in trouble.”

“What guy? What did he tell Toshiko? What did he look like?” Gintoki leaned onto the table and spoke with an urgency Hiroki never expected to hear from the Shiroyasha’s mouth.

“I don’t know, I didn’t hear… but I know what he looked like,” Hiroki tapped something into his laptop. “I don’t have his name yet, just his nickname. He goes by Chico; I have heard he _really_ wanted to join the yakuza, but he never managed. He’s a lowlife who would sell off his grandma just to get money to buy drugs. That kind of guy.”

“Drugs, huh,” Gintoki scratched his neck thoughtfully. “Do you know where I can find him?”

Hiroki shook his head. “He was not that important so I didn’t really keep track of him.”

“I see.” Gintoki turned to leave, but then he stopped: “You don’t look it, but you’re actually pretty dangerous, huh?”

“More than you’d think,” Hiroki flashed a business smile. It was laced with poison. “Consider yourself lucky that you’re apparently worried about Toshiko-chan’s well-being, is what I would _like_ to say… but you’re also not only what you seem, right? I couldn’t dig up any info on you. Same as Toshiko, you two are a mystery.”

Gintoki grinned and winked, then he ran off.

“You dick,” sighed Hiroki and returned to whatever he was doing on his laptop. “I should probably have cameras installed in this whole place,” he muttered under his breath.

* * *

I woke up due to acute pain in my wrists, arms and shoulders. My hands were bound to something above my head by a rough rope, and I was in the middle of a room I didn’t recognise. Rather than a room, it looked like a basement or something; nothing but pipes and concrete. I was hanging there helplessly and when I attempted to at least stand so I would relieve my aching arms, I found myself barely tiptoeing.

I heard footsteps and mentally cursed everything to Hell. That guy had a heavy step and was limping, and considering the position I was in, it couldn’t be anybody else.

“Kisei, you jerk,” I said, trying to turn towards him. I didn’t manage, but he walked up to the front and eyed me with an expression of victory and superiority plastered all over his idiotic face. Yet again, it was unpleasant just how tall he was. We were face to face at the moment, which meant that if it weren’t for me hanging there like a piece of meat, I would have to tilt my head back to look up at him.

He leaned closer to me and I curled my lips in disgust; there was a strong stench of alcohol and un-brushed teeth on his breath. He noticed that and stepping back, he started circling me like a coyote. "Hey, Toshiko,” he said when he was behind me for about the fourth time, “how did he win ya over?” I stayed silent, and only clenched my teeth when he stepped to me from behind and ran his palms down my sides possessively.

“Givin’ ya such eh obvious mark, and ya wearin’ this kinda dress… He payin’ you for being his bitch?” he lifted the ruffles of my skirt. I didn’t like him talking that way. In front of people, he paid at least a little attention to what left his mouth, but when there was nobody around, he’d spew one insult after another, and when he was drunk, it got way worse.

“If it was money ya wanted, ya coulda told me. I’d pay ya _real_ good.” His hands groped my butt. “Oooh, nice panties. He gave ya those too?”

“He doesn’t pay me,” I hissed through my clenched teeth. “Who do you think you’re talking to? I would never have sex for money.”

“Oh good, then I won’t hafta pay ya after we done,” he laughed. One of his hands grabbed my hip so strongly it hurt, the other stroked my butt cheeks in a weird manner.

“Wait, are you se—!” **_Rrrrrrrip._**

Fucking OW. For a second I thought my balls were going to get ripped off along with the underwear. A bunch of very unfeminine curses rolled down my lips and ended with “… you fucking piece of shit, get your filthy hands off me! That hurt like a bitch, are you fucking utterly _nuts_?!”

“I don’t havva rubber wit’ me, but ya don’t mind, do ya?” he ignored my pain.

“Hell yes I mind, I don’t want to be catching some weird disease from you, you disgusting jerkoff- grh!” I growled when he pulled my ass cheeks apart and rubbed my entrance with his fingers. I could easily imagine he didn’t wash his hands before touching me, and I felt like throwing up. Something poked me and though his dick was still clothed, it was the most revolting feeling I’ve ever had to suffer through. I shuddered.

He laughed and turned me around, then smacked his mouth onto mine, his hands working both my front and my rear end. I clenched my teeth and just fought back the urge to vomit, and tears that burned in the corners of my eyes. The only thing I could do was to somehow try to maintain my dignity; I didn’t want to let him see the shameful sides which have been only discovered by Gintoki.

 _Gintoki_.

Gintoki, Gintoki, Gintoki. He was always around and annoying the hell out of me, so where the hell was he when I was getting violated by some other guy?!

 _Could it be that he set me up…?_ ran through my mind. _No… he wouldn’t. Probably. In the first place, this guy is Gintoki’s rival, so there’s no way. Right…?_

“I can’t wait ta see tha’ guy’s face,” Kisei’s breath nearly knocked me out again. “Imma fuck ya raw an’ then leave ya ‘ere, hangin’, an’ maybe somebody will find ya eventually.” Laughing at whatever he found funny about that, he leaned towards me to kiss me again. “Tha’s wha’ ya get for givin’ me the cold shoulder, ya stingy, sissy little bitch.”

“Get off me, you drunk,” I turned my head away, gritting my teeth as he shoved more fingers in me.

“Heheh, ya say tha’ now, but soon ya’ll—”

_Bonk._

Something silver swung centimetres from my eyes and hit Kisei’s head. Hard. He didn’t even grunt, he just flew off to the side like a dirty rag, landing on the ground with a thud.

Gintoki was standing there, breathing heavily, his expression serious and his eyes dark. That was yet another new side to him – before that moment, not once have I seen his face full of righteous anger. He was frightening, even though I knew he came to my rescue.

“You okay?” he asked, dropping the pipe he was holding. It fell down with a clang, but he paid it no attention, instead he used the unconscious Kisei as a stepping stool and freed my hands from the bonds.

I fell to my knees, coughing violently. All the disgust I felt, all the revolting, skin-crawling sensations caused by Kisei made me feel terribly sick; unable to fight the urge any longer, I gagged, my fists clenching and scratching up on the concrete floor, as my eyes filled with hateful tears.

One of Gintoki’s hands held my wig out of the way, the other was softly patting my back.

“The hell took you?!” I looked up at him once I could, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. He gave a crooked smile and instead of saying anything, he wordlessly helped me to my feet.

I stumbled a few steps back, not wanting to have to lean onto him. My strained legs were wobbly, there was the bitter taste of vomit in my mouth and my body hurt overall. I had no idea how long I had been unconscious for, but it must have been a couple of hours at least. I felt faint, weak and tired.

I took a long, shaky breath.

“You okay?” he repeated; he was much calmer now. Less scary, too.  

I shook my head. “Nnnh.” Looking down, I muttered: “I need a shower.” I carefully stepped over the unconscious Kisei, then hesitated. “… You didn’t kill him, right?”

“Probably not,” Gintoki looked at that bastard, then shrugged. “But at that moment, I really wanted to.”

I shuddered, but nodded and trotted towards the door. Just before I stepped into the hallway, I stopped shortly. “… Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Just now… thanks.” I quickly opened the door as I muttered that.

“Ah, watch out!” He jumped to me and only barely caught me, as my knees suddenly gave in. I tried to push him away again, but he didn’t let go.

“Hey, I can—” I started, but he interrupted me. “Shush, let me help you.”

I was about to say something to protest, but when I turned to him, his stare shut me up completely. I gave up and slowly leaned on him, hating myself for feeling so weak.

Together, we slowly went down the dark corridor.

* * *

 “Wh- Hey! I didn’t agree to this!”

“Shut up and do as you’re told.” Gintoki shoved me into his cramped bathroom. “Make sure you wash yourself properly.” Then, he slammed the door shut and I heard him lock it from the outside.

“What the hell are you thinking, you ass?!” I yelled, hitting the bathroom door my fist once. “This way, you’re not any better than he is, you know!”

There were a few moments of silence. Then, the door unlocked, but it didn’t open. “Okay,” his voice came from the other side. “You know where your clothes are, so I’m going to let you choose. Either get dressed and go home… or come to my room. I’m sure you are smart enough to understand what both of these options mean, Toshiko.”

I listened to the sound of him leaving, and suddenly I wished I’d never met him.

I glanced at my face in the mirror. I looked terrible, my wig was kinda off and my makeup was smudged all over my face. I definitely couldn’t possibly walk around the city looking like that. I took the fake hair off and frowned at my reflection.

 _What a piece of shit he is… Of course,_ I thought, _the choice is pretty obvious._


	11. Posessiveness Is Like an Onion - Has Many Layers, It Stings and Smells Kinda Bad... But Consider the Spice It Adds to Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly porn.  
> But it wouldn't be me if I didn't put at least some plot in.  
> This was supposed to be a Christmas present, but it's kind of late.  
> Oh well, enjoy it anyways.

I slid the door of his room open, the towel loosely hanging over my shoulder. I was naked from head to toe, without any sign of makeup. My eyebrows were furrowed and I really hated myself for being unable to tell him to fuck himself and then leave. Instead, I stood there silently, watching him dozing off on his futon.

He probably figured I would go back, so he didn’t bother to wait to actually find out. I couldn’t blame him for that, of course; I, too, wanted to turn around, grab my clothes and never see that stupid mug of his again. No matter how much I wished to be _anywhere_ else, though, I was still in his room, looking at his relaxed, harmless sleeping face.

How could _anyone_ with such a character look like this? He almost seemed innocent, not at all like a dirty blackmailer or a murderous fight demon. I knelt next to him and softly poked his cheek with my finger. “Oi. Wake up, bastard.”

“Mnh?” his eyes opened a little.

“Wake up, I said.”

“Mnh… five more minutes, mom…” he rolled over, pulling the blanket over his head. A vein popped up on my forehead as I pulled the blanket off of him. “I’m not your mom,” I scoffed. He was shirtless, and even in the dark of the room I could see the toned muscles under his pallid skin. “If you don’t wake up this instant…”

He didn’t respond. I sighed, and after a brief moment of hesitation, I knelt over him, pinning him down, and before he could react, I leaned down and kissed him on the lips. I was most likely really bad at it, but I didn’t care. This was purification, because that piece of shit Kisei took the kiss Gintoki was supposed to take. It was my first kiss in what felt like forever – I haven’t dated anyone in years, after all – and that permheaded idiot let it get stolen. He wouldn’t do it, he said he didn’t want to do it, but I desired it so damn much.

I slipped my tongue in his mouth and heard him inhale sharply. Despite having said that he didn’t want us to kiss, he didn’t seem to be put off at all. His hands found my hips and I felt him shift under me, then he swiftly switched our positions and loomed over me. Our lips parted, and as he stared me down, my face started heating up. “I said so before, right?” he whispered. “No kissing.”

“You didn’t seem to dislike it,” I responded. “And you’re wide awake, so it worked.”

“Kissing is for lovers,” he leaned down to bite my ear. I gritted my teeth, it hurt a bit, but it was something I didn’t dislike. What he said, however, hurt more somehow. My throat clenched painfully. _Could it be that I’ve fallen for this piece of shit? God, no. Why._

His hand was slowly going up my inner thigh. “He kissed me, too, ya know,” I muttered when it reached my crotch. I knew I shouldn’t be taunting him, but I couldn’t help myself.

I yelped as I suddenly felt my half-hard dick being crushed in his grip. “ _What?!_ ” he hissed, his eyes glinting in the light coming from the window, and it was only because his other hand was pinning my shoulder into the futon that I didn’t curl up in pain. I exhaled shakily, calming down. “Just washing my mouth out wasn’t enough,” I said through my clenched teeth. And then, I pulled his face down to kiss him again. He tried to move back, but I grabbed a fistful of his hair and didn’t let go, not even when I felt his fingers wrap around my throat. While he didn’t squeeze too strongly, it was enough for me to lightly nibble on his lower lip and break the kiss.

“You sure?” his eyes narrowed.

“Yeah.” I threw one of my legs over his hips and pressed our crotches together.

He shuddered and leaned down, resting his forehead on my shoulder. “I thought for sure you were gonna leave,” his breath tickled me in my ear.

“Well, I’m here. Too bad, you’re stuck with me now. Stupid.”

He chuckled and inhaled deeply, sniffing my neck. His hand returned to touching me between my legs, and I groaned silently when he, yet again, sank his teeth into the hickey he’d made. It was probably going to become a permanent mark.

I let go of Gintoki’s hair and he sat up. “Hold your legs for me,” he said. Even though there was a brief moment of meekness before, that was now gone and he became the full-fledged pervert he usually was, watching me with a hungry expression. Blood rushed to my cheeks, but I slowly did as I was told, grabbing my legs under my knees and spreading them apart.

He got up and walked over to somewhere I didn’t see, and was right back with a bottle of lube and a pack of condoms.

“And here I thought you’d be ready,” I chuckled.

“Pfff. Talking all big, even though you’re embarrassed to death.” He set the stuff aside. “Then…” Suddenly, he pushed my butt up higher so that my knees eventually ended near my head. “What’re you…” I gasped, but didn’t get to say the whole thing; his tongue prodded at my entrance. “Stop, that– ah! Gh… n!” I let go of my legs and regained balance somehow; he wouldn’t let go. Licking me back there and stroking my front, I wasn’t sure if it felt good or bad. “Is… f’cking weird…”

“So, you wanna do it without prep instead?” he stopped.

“That was not what I—” I started, but he interrupted me: “Oh that’s right, you liked it before, didn’t you.” He reached for a condom to put it on. I kind of wanted to tell him it would be okay to fuck me raw, but I swallowed that and instead, I just clenched my teeth when he lined up with me, and without waiting he thrusted himself in.

“Bas… wait… uhn!” I couldn’t really say anything. It hurt, but he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. “Hey, you move,” he muttered against my ribs. I hesitantly did so, my legs shivering, and it was weird to feel him slowly slide out and then back in without any action from his side. My breath hitched when he slightly shifted and his dick hit something weird. “Hn-!”  I clutched his shoulders, biting my lip as I braced on them to move up again. “Uhhh…”

He let go of me and leaned back slightly, looking up at me. He wasn’t too far, so I could hold onto him, but he sure as hell did have a good view of everything that was happening. I groaned, gritting my teeth, and fell forward, biting the skin on his neck harshly. In response to that, he thrusted his hips up and I shuddered, biting down even harder, moaning loudly through my nose. I feared that bastard, but I wanted him, and I wanted to mark him mine. He did the same to me countless times, so it was only fair. My hands slid down his scarred back.

“Gintoki…” I breathed out, and I hated deeply just how desperate that sound was.

“Okay, okay, I got it,” he chuckled breathlessly, pushing me back down. My legs locked around him, as I panted silently. “You want more, right?”

I looked away silently.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll stop,” he said. I turned my head back to him only to see a sly smirk spread across his face. “Asshole,” I muttered. “I’m not sayin’ it.”

“Should I pull out, then?” he said. “Then maybe I could watch you do it yourself?”

I breathed in sharply. My hand shot up and grabbed his stupid white curls, yanking his head down. “Fuck me,” I whispered almost inaudibly into his ear. “Make it hurt, so I can forget about what happened with Kisei. Ram your thick cock into me like it’s the end of the world.” I felt him twitch inside me, and it might have been my imagination, but it seemed to me that the strong, slightly sweet scent of his got even heavier. He slid out with a squelching sound and then his dick filled me up all the way to the hilt. I cried out, holding onto him again. My fingernails were short, but I wished they weren’t, so I would scratch up his back.

“Ha-ghh!” I hated how he knew perfectly where to hit to have me high on the sensation. My eyes closed; my whole body was throbbing, he was pounding into my ass mercilessly, and soon, I didn’t know what was what anymore. There were strong hands on my hips, squeezing me so hard I had tears in my eyes, and although I was sure I was crying my lungs out, I could barely hear myself.

“More…” Did I really say that? I might as well have, of course, but… that was _so_ not me. Clumsily, with my eyes closed tightly shut, I found his shoulders, then threw my arms around his neck, receiving the power coming from him. All of it, just for me. Briefly, a resentful thought crossed my mind before blurring back into the mess by head was at that moment; that I didn’t really care what he did and with whom, it would be enough that he’d eventually come back to me.

I wanted him to want me to the point of needing me. I wanted to be his drug. Clinging closely to him, I pressed my mouth to his neck, biting and sucking wherever I could. Mine. Mine, _mine_. He started it, it was his fault I became so wanton, so desperate and so obsessed, and he didn’t deserve any better than to have me stick to him as a punishment. I would take all of him in, and never give it to anybody else.

“Gin…!”

I came all over my chest, with him balls-deep in me; moments after, his back arched and he released, too, collapsing onto me, like a sack of wet sand.

The inside of my throat was itchy. “Get off,” I muttered. “Yer heavy, idiot.” My voice was surprisingly raspy, I must have really strained my vocal chords.

“I could go for one more round,” he wasn’t moving. “But you sound like you’re done for about a month.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Yours, you begged me to do it.”

Having no comeback, I just sighed. “Anyway, get off me—”

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, cutting me off mid-sentence. Gintoki, that lazy bastard, jumped to his feet in one smooth motion, quickly pulling the condom off his dick. “Get up,” he breathed out hastily.

“What?” I asked, utterly confused.

“Fuck, I totally forgot.” He wrapped me in a blanket and before I could utter a word of protest, he shoved me into his closet and slid the door shut. “Be quiet in there,” he murmured, and instead of explaining what in the actual fuck was going on, I could hear him storm off in a hurry. Well, it was a good thing he still had his pants on, but they were probably dirty, considering he didn’t take them off to do the nasty with me.

Because he didn’t close the door of his room, I could hear voices. Two men came over, to Gintoki’s – that alone was weird, it didn’t feel like he was the type to invite his friends – and it was in the middle of the night, too. The whole thing seemed a bit fishy. Suddenly, I recalled Gintoki mentioning he got injured because of some drugs. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine; the afterglow was instantly gone.

_“Smells bad in here.”_

_“Shut up, Zura. I was in the middle of somethin’.”_

_“It smells like sex. Hahahahaha!”_

_“You shut up, too.”_

_“Whoa, are those bite marks? You’ve got quite the wild woman… Or is it a man this time? Hahahaha!”_

_“Sheesh, so meddlesome. Come on, guys. Let’s focus on the important stuff. How are we doing?”_

I tilted my head, pressing my ear to the closet door so I could hear a little better.

 _“So far… not really well,”_ the one who got previously called Zura responded. _“if it gets too serious…”_

 _“Come on, don’t say that! Hahahahaha!”_ The other guy seemed to laugh a little too much. _“Don’t worry, Kintoki! We’ll get our hands on those for sure!”_

 _“Sometimes I hate how optimistic you can get,”_ Gintoki’s voice wasn’t annoyed as much as I thought it would be. _“Also, it’s Gintoki, you idiot.”_

 _“So far…”_ there was some rustling of paper. _“It seems the plan is this. Here… and we go from here. I would plan more, but you two are so unpredictable we’d end up not doing anything according to the plan anyway.”_

 _“I’m spontaneous.”_ Gintoki said that absent-mindedly.

_“Hahahahahaha!”_

_“Basically, what you’re saying, Zura—”_

_“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura! Don’t think I didn’t notice you calling me that before, too!”_

_“Okay, okay. Anyway, the plan is the usual, is it not? We come there, kick some asses, do what we need to do and then, if we survive it, we call Mutsu to help us take what we can. Right?”_

_“Well, yeah. But, actually,”_ Katsura paused and there was some more rustling, _“we came to give you this, and we need you to come with us.”_

_“Eh, right now? Where to?”_

_“You’ll get it after you see it.”_ More rustling. _“… Holy fuck.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Give me a minute, I’ll get dressed.”_ I heard him enter the room.

“Eh, how us your—” the one whose name I didn’t hear apparently followed him. “She’s not here? Aw, too bad! Hahahahahaha!”

“Get out, I don’t need you to see my bare ass.” The door slid shut.

Silently, the closet I was in opened, and he pulled out some clothes from the shelf above my head. “What’s going on—” I whispered. He didn’t say anything, he just put his finger across his lips silently, then began changing. Before he left, he glanced in my direction. “Unless you absolutely have to, don’t leave,” he said silently and closed the door in my face again. “I’ll be back.”

“Asshole,” I muttered. There was something weird going on, but I was too exhausted to get dressed and follow him secretly; my eyes slowly closed and before I knew it, I drifted off to sleep.


	12. Even though you said you didn't want any, you still got ketchup in your tortilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this chapter much, myself. But it's something that had to be done, and you guys are the real judges here anyway.  
> Enjoy...?

“Aaah!” A surprised scream forcibly tore me out of sleep’s sweet embrace. “Who are you and what are you doing in Gin-san’s closet?!”

I opened my eyes. _Fuck_ , my whole body hurt. “Huh?” Peeling my eyes open reluctantly, I squinted at the person yelling at me. It was a boring-looking glasses-boy in his teens; efen if he were an adult, he couldn’t be further from my type. He was holding Gintoki’s futon and most likely wanted to put it away – until he found me in the place where the futon was supposed to go. Something inside my half-asleep brain rang a bell. “… You’re… Shinpachi?”

“Wh— How do you know—” he hesitated, then he shook his head. “W-Well, just get out of the closet for now. We’ll talk after that. This is too weird.”

I looked at him, wondering if he were serious. First of all, in case he was unaware of the fact that Gintoki was okay with guys as well, he was also unaware of the terrible pun he just made. Secondly, since Gintoki did a surprisingly good job of wrapping me, I was like a huge burrito and couldn’t move an inch. I stirred in the narrow space of the closet and managed to wriggle out of the blanket a little, but that was it. “Can’t, I’m stuck,” I said, stirring again.

“How did you get in there?” he asked in confusion.

I shifted again. “That Sakata idiot stuffed me in here— You okay?” I asked, because suddenly, he backed away, turning reddish in the face. Then, slowly and unpleasantly, a realisation creeped into my mind. _“Oh.” Fuck._ As I moved about, the blanket revealed the renewed and very colourful bite mark. And I wasn’t sure, but I figured it was not the only one.

Unfortunately for me, that Shinpachi kid might have been a little slow when it came to what he said himself, but he was not stupid and apparently – somehow – understood quickly what was up with me. Well, more or less. He couldn’t have gotten everything from what he saw, but he already knew more than I’d like.

“I’ll – I’ll help you,” he grabbed the blanket and with an ‘ _oomph_ ’ he dragged me out.

“Thanks,” I sat up, still clutching the blanket. I knew that my naked self with all the stuff that happened in the night very apparent pretty much all over my body was the last thing either of us wanted Shinpachi to see. “There’s a bag with my clothes in the other closet… do you think you could…?” I said hesitantly.

“R-Right.” He nodded and left, quickly bringing it to me. “I’m gonna…  wait outside.” Leaving the mood really awkward, he closed the door.

Gritting my teeth, I got up carefully. Dropping the blanket on the floor, I rummaged through the bag and started getting dressed. I wished I could take a shower – I fell asleep without one, after all – but it didn’t feel like I could. Some spots on my body were faintly throbbing, and there were visible finger traces imprinted into the skin of my hips. Inhaling shakily, I slipped my shirt on and after buttoning it over my own cum on my chest, I left the room. Shinpachi was sitting there on the couch, and noticing me, he got up, gesturing for me to sit down. There were two cups of tea.

“So, you _are_ Shimura Shinpachi, right?” I said once I sat down. I could have left – no, I _should_ have left, but that felt wrong somehow.

“That I am, and you are?” He pushed his glasses up his nose.

“The name’s Hijikata,” I responded, figuring that was the only thing he needed to know.

Shinpachi’s face was unreadable, and that was making me slightly uncomfortable. “Am I right to assume that you’re… in _that_ kind of relationship with Gin-san?” he said.

Okay. No beating around the bush. “And if I am?” _I’m definitely in some kind of relationship with him, but I’m afraid it’s not what you think._

His expression didn’t change. “In that case, don’t get me wrong, but if you’re not serious about it, back out while you can. I take it you haven’t been together for long, since he’s been acting strange only recently… well, weirder than normal, I mean. Anyway,” he cleared his throat, “since you’re most likely the cause… I’d appreciate if you approached the situation like a reasonable person.”

I was staring at him silently, my eyebrow twitching slightly. For a moment, I wondered if I should just take my shirt off and show him _all_ the traces Gintoki left behind; how would he like to see that his _Gin-san_ is not the guy he thought he was? I decided not to, though, and instead, I sighed: “I assure you, if the relationship we have will change, I won’t be the one to do that.”

“Okay.” He turned reddish again.

“The ginger girl isn’t here? What was her name, Kagura?” I looked around.

“She’s sleeping in, we were at my sister’s.” Shinpachi looked towards Gintoki’s room nervously. “I don’t suppose you know where Gin-san went?”

I tilted my head slightly. That was rather suspicious, to say the least. If those night strolls of Gintoki’s were not anything unusual… just what was he up to? “No idea,” I responded, shrugging my shoulders.

Then, the front door slid open. Some long-haired guy I didn’t know entered the place, Gintoki loosely leaning on his shoulder; he seemed unconscious. Seeing the two of us, the man narrowed his eyes at the confused me – I could have sworn he glared – and turned to Shinpachi, who was already standing by them.

„What happened?!“

„Help me treat his wounds.“ The man decided to ignore me conpletely.

„Again?! Just what are you doing, Katsura-san?! You promised not to have him help with dangerous stuff anymore!“ Angrily, Shinpachi grabbed Gintoki’s other arm; they began dragging him towards Gintoki’s room. I stood up and quickly made my way ahead of them to put the futon out again. They took off Gintoki’s yukata – why the heck was he wearing a yukata over his clothes? – and shirt. There was a slash wound across his back, bleeding heavily. Clenching my teeth, I turned away to find the kitchen to bring some warm water. I had no idea where he kept bandages, if he had any at all. Either way, his wound had to be cleaned.

Bringing the water back and setting it down next to the futon, I knelt on the floor, my stomach heavy like lead. Katsura – Gintoki’s accomplice in whatever the fuck they were doing – looked at me and without a word, he took the first aid kit from Shinpachi’s ready hands.

I stared the glasses boy down; neither of us were very helpful at the moment, but he seemed a little too calm about the whole thing. Of course, he was clearly unhappy and worried, but he wasn’t alarmed at all.

“Does this happen often?” I asked, already knowing the answer. Shinpachi looked away, Katsura remained silent. I watched his hands, then shoved him aside. “Give me that.” I took the first aid kit from him.

“Hey!” He finally stopped ignoring me. “I’m not done!”

“With that tempo you had going, you wouldn’t be done until tomorrow.” I started taking care of Gintoki’s wound with more efficiency. “He’s still bleeding, you dumbass,” I cussed as I was cleaning the wound to actually look how serious it was.

“They say idiots have the most luck,” I breathed out in relief. It was, indeed, a slash across his back, but it was surprisingly shallow. His spine was unscathed, too; not a single bone got damaged.  “How the fuck did he get this wound?”

“It was a sword fight.”

“In this day and age?” I looked at Katsura, not bothering to conceal my surprise.

“None of your concern. Also, let me do it,” he tried to grab the bandages.

“No way.” I elbowed him in the gut and carefully started bandaging the wound. “Shinpachi, lift him a little, would ya?” The addressed boy nodded and did so, even though Gintoki was apparently a little too heavy for him. I quickly continued.

“Why not?! I’m his friend, who the fuck are you?” Katsura snapped at me.

“Friend, yeah right. I’m not blind.” Tightening the bandage, I searched Gintoki’s torso only to find some lesser wounds here and there; I began cleaning them as well.

“What?” Katsura said, and I finally looked him right in the eye. “I saw the way you touched him. I’m not a fucking idiot, okay?”

“I didn’t—” he started, but I interrupted him: “Shinpachi. Get out. Please.”

“I- Okay. I’ll be around if you need anything.” Shinpachi quickly left after seeing the storm brewing on my face.

Once we were alone, I turned to Katsura. “Look,” I growled silently. “Now that the cherry boy is gone, let me be clear. I don’t like the way you look at Gintoki.”

“What is it to you?” he retorted. “I have no idea who you are, but you have no right to say that! That’s just between me and him!”

 _You’re absolutely on point. I don’t have the right, though I wish I had. You’re totally correct and I hate that._ “Bullshit!” Even if he was telling the truth, there was no fucking way I was going to let him have it. “I’m aware that there’s a lot of things going on between the two of you, but sex sure as hell ain’t one.”

Katsura’s face turned reddish. “I—How dare you talk about that!”

 _Oh, thank God I was right._ I smirked. “I have no idea just how much _you_ know about him, but,” I pulled my shirt’s collar aside to reveal the bite mark, “ _I was_ the one he was having sex with when you guys interrupted us.”

“So you’re his— I can’t believe that. I don’t want to believe that.”

“Yeah, I’m his.” I shrugged my shoulders. “So shut up and let me treat his wounds. You’re fucking terrible at it.”

“Come… on, girls… don’t fight…” Gintoki’s voice came from below, weak and strained.

“When did you wake up?” I asked, clearing my throat.

“Just ri… ght to hear you… getting jealous over me,” he chuckled weakly and immediately groaned in pain silently. “I feel… dizzy.”

“Idiot.” My voice shook just the tiniest bit. “What did you do?”

“… fought?” he said after a moment of silence. “How bad… is it?”

“Not too bad, I think you must have had worse before. You’re probably feeling weak because of the blood loss because _someone_ has the worst first aid skills.” I glared at Katsura, who glared back.

Gintoki chuckled. “He’s good… at other stuff.”

“I’m gonna get Shinpachi,” I said, getting up. There was a flood of jealousy rising inside me and I had to leave before it got the best of me.

I left the room.

Told Shinpachi to go in.

Took whatever belongings of mine I managed to find.

And left Gintoki’s place, not looking back once.


	13. Of All the Possibilities, You Decide to Be a Dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijikata decides he's not gonna take Gin's shiz any longer.  
> You're gonna hate me for this chapter. Mwahahaha.  
> Listening to The Valentine’s Day Song by Sideburns Crew while writing this felt somewhat appropriate. Also I was drunk for a part of this, so… if things go batshit, I blame the delicious mead I had. (It also means I might have errors in it. If you notice them, do tell me, please, so that I can fix ‘em.)  
> Edit: Chapter has been fixed. Hopefully, this is a bit better.

Gritting my teeth, I was angrily marching down the street. It was after dark, and I was on a night patrol. It was cold and I hated every minute of it, but it was better than sitting on my ass at home. I wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully, anyway.

I felt helplessly angry about what happened. I hated how I didn’t know at all what Gintoki did when I was not around, and yet he knew pretty much everything about me. He left me alone hidden in the bloody closet, unable to move, and he went and got injured again. The worst part – I couldn’t prevent it, the only thing I eventually did was treat his injuries, and while I did a better job than that Katsura guy, I sure as hell didn’t do as well as Gintoki needed.

Also, there was Katsura. I had to admit I was jealous of him. It was an unpleasant emotion, with rotten aftertaste, throbbing like a swollen wound. Katsura was undeniably interested in Gintoki.

Gintoki knew. He wouldn’t have called the both of us “girls” if he didn’t know. He wouldn’t even know what exactly we were arguing about when he woke up.

And they were together a little too often, judging from what Shinpachi said. Gintoki did promise that he wouldn’t take other partners, but I was not sure I could trust him. Of course, I _wanted_ it to be true; I couldn’t stand the thought of my partner touching anybody else, and it was no longer a matter of worrying about contracting a disease. At this point in time, I hated to think Gintoki would have other people to sleep with.

_Mine_.

I was surprised just how much possessiveness I felt towards him. But, I couldn’t act upon it; I kind of had the impression he got involved with me because it was a way of entertaining himself, and while I didn’t think he’d abandon me per se, I was sure he’d push me to the side in a way I wouldn’t like.

It was a few weeks since I had last seen him, actually. After I left, I had been desperately trying to avoid running into him. I took the night patrols only – thanks to what happened with that permheaded idiot I was glad my duties have changed – and I slept during the day. I had heard him enter my flat a few times, but I always pretended to be fast asleep and he didn’t try to wake me up, he’d just stand there and look at me for a while before leaving. I didn’t quite understand why, though; he knew that if he wanted, he could do anything, as per our agreement.

Somebody’s yell woke me from my daydreaming. It was Katsura’s voice, coming from behind the corner. He was talking on the phone with somebody, and I figured it would be Gintoki or somebody else from their… little group, whatever they were.

“What do you mean you don’t know where it is? I’ve been waiting for almost an hour!”

I held my breath, leaning on the wall and listening in. Unfortunately I only came there just when the call was about to end.

“Well, hurry up then! I’m going back inside!” Katsura’s voice was slightly angry, but from what I could tell, he was not as angry as I would have thought him to be. Was it Gintoki he spoke with, then? There was a sigh and then footsteps and the sound of a door, as he entered the building.

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. They were probably about to do something dangerous again, and I had no right to try and stop them. I didn’t want to find out _what_ exactly it was they were doing, too. Chances were that if I did find out, I would have to report them, then the thing about myself being a regular in Rengokukan would come to light and the whole situation would become a giant mess and I didn’t want that to happen.

Also—

“Ooooh my, what a coincidence,” a familiar voice stopped my train of thoughts and nearly made me jump out of my own skin. I opened my eyes again. “Gintoki!” I hated what that only word sounded like when leaving my mouth.

“Didja miss me?” the permhead was standing there in the dark, his light-coloured hair and pallid skin oddly eerie. His cheeks were a little hollow, it didn’t seem like he was fully healthy.

“Yeah right,” I retorted, desperately wishing there weren’t a wall behind my back so that I could run away.

“You’re not very convincing,” he smirked.

“No,” I breathed out silently when he stepped closer. His hands went straight for my ass. I shuddered, trying to push him away; I didn’t – I _couldn’t_ – put enough strength into it, though. Gintoki had me addicted to the way he touched me. He knew precisely where to put his hands, and as he was groping me, my body pressed between him and the wall, I was getting weak in the knees. “Let go of me,” I said through my clenched teeth.

“Shhh.” His lips slowly kissed down my neck and I already knew what was coming next when his mouth opened to bite down on me. An unwanted moan escaped my throat.

“We’re outside, you ass,” I weakly pushed against him one more time, but to no avail; he didn’t even budge. His teeth sank deeper into my skin, and it hurt more than I’d like. “Ow!” unable to bear the pressure I felt, I punched him in the gut. He grunted silently and took half a step back, licking his lips. The bite mark on my neck was throbbing, I could clearly feel my quickened heartbeat, and I was only glad it was dark so my red face couldn’t be seen clearly. Even without looking at him, I knew there was a pleased expression on Gintoki’s face and I had no words to describe how much I hated it.

“You _did_ miss me,” he strongly thumbed over the bite mark, smugness echoing in each and every syllable. “It’s been really hard to get a hold of you lately,” his hands suddenly slipped under the cloth of my pants, making me inhale sharply. “I like seeing you in this uniform too, though. We could do some interesting roleplay with it later.”

“You really don’t—” I got interrupted by his fingers getting between my butt cheeks and brushing over that sensitive area, “—have a shred of decency, do you.” My words were barely audible, the last thing I wanted was to draw undesirable attention from a possible passer-by or the houses around us.

“Nope, I don’t.” He leaned in again to bite my ear and I averted my gaze. “Y-You should go. Katsura’s waiting for you inside, isn’t he?”

He froze briefly, then pulled away, grabbing my jaw. “How do you know about that?” he said; the tone of his voice sent an unpleasant chill down my spine.

“I happened to overhear when you guys spoke on the phone,” I said, my throat clenching on its own. For a moment, I forgot how terrifying he could be and he quickly made sure to remind me, though unintentionally. I didn’t think he’d harm me – not much, anyway – and that was not something I was afraid of. What scared me was the look in his eyes, because even though I couldn’t understand it fully, I could tell it had something to do with me. Not with my body, but with myself as a person. He did threaten to lock me up before, but this was different. Worse, somehow.

“How much do you know?”

“Just that he’s in there, nothing else,” I responded – and was surprised how quickly he’d calmed down; he didn’t even question what I said. I wondered if it was because he trusted me, or because he decided it didn’t matter – that _I_ didn’t matter that much. I doubted the first option, but I didn’t want the latter to be true.

 Letting go of me, he sighed and turned to leave, but stopped. “What?” he said, looking at me.

I realised my hand was clutching his sleeve.

“…” I inhaled shakily. “What… what are you guys planning?” I breathed out. He looked at me and I knew I shouldn’t try and push the matter any further. However, a certain part of me just wouldn’t let go. I didn’t want him to go with Katsura for numerous reasons. First of all, Katsura was not unattractive and I felt jealous. But, more importantly, I hated to think a time would come when I would see his corpse in the morning news. “Is it…” I started, then hesitated again. I couldn’t possibly ask this guy if it was dangerous, of course it was, but it’d be inappropriate to doubt he could handle it. I knew he sure as hell wouldn’t be happy to hear me asking him that. “Are you coming back in one piece?” I muttered, because that was at least mildly better.

His expression, as he stood in the lamp light, changed quickly several times, one breaking into another, until there was a deadpan I couldn’t read at all. He stepped back into the shadow I was in, taking my head into his palms. “You’re worried about me,” he whispered.

“Am not,” I tried to deny the painfully obvious. Chuckling, Gintoki stepped in even more, so we stood chest to chest, with no space left between me and the wall yet again. “You are worried about me,” he repeated slowly, his voice trembling with an emotion I was unable to recognise. His rough hands were still gently holding my head, and I only wished I would stop imagining him just snapping my neck and walking away into the night.

“I’m not worried—” I attempted to insist, but then his lips pressed onto mine.

Stealing my voice, stealing my breath, taking away all reason and leaving only my quickening heartbeat. My hand rose to his chest to push him off me, but ended up holding onto him instead. My knees nearly gave in, and as burning tears welled up in my eyes, there was not a single thought in my head.

_Gintoki_ actually kissed me.

He kissed me because he _wanted_ us to kiss.

I found that hard to believe.

And, well, speaking of hard, something of that nature was pressing against my crotch. Needless to say that, I, too, was standing proud ever since he bit down on me; just his scent alone was enough to cause a very significant physical reaction in my lower regions. He had me wrapped around his little finger; my body learned to respond to whatever he did a little too quickly.

Our lips parted and I finally managed to fill my lungs with air. “Gin—” I was about to say something, but he interrupted me:

“Don’t ask. Don’t try to follow us, either. It’s for your sake, too, you know?”

Don’t joke with me, of course I knew that much! I was painfully aware that if I kept poking my nose in his business, it might easily turn out to be the end of me. However… I didn’t want him to throw himself into the death’s arms. No reason would be good enough. “Well, what _should_ I do, then?” I raised my voice a little bit. “You’re going to get yourself killed one of these days!”

“I’m not,” he said. I half expected him to respond with something stupid, like he usually did, because that idiot was never serious about anything. But his response was calm, confident; the tone of his voice was almost reassuring.

Something was terribly wrong. Gintoki was _never_ like this. Of course, he had his lighter moments, but those were low in number. “You’re going to die, aren’t you,” I said through my clenched teeth.

“What? No. Of course not,” he shook his head, and there it was again, a tone that should put the listener at ease. “Everything’s going to be alright, so stop worrying.” Was he trying to reassure me, or himself? I couldn’t tell.

I took a deep breath to remind him of all the times I saw him covered in bandages, of the time I had to treat his bleeding wounds, to tell him it terrified me to death when I tried to imagine my life without the annoying nuisance he was. The impact he made was too huge, he carved his name into my skin in a way that would never heal.

I wanted to stop him, even though – or perhaps _because_ – I had no idea what he was going to do this time.

But I couldn’t get out a single sound.

Words got stuck in my throat and no matter how much I wanted to yell and scream into that jerk’s face, my mouth was silently opening and closing like that of a beached fish. My fingers loosened their grip and my hand fell back to my side slowly.

He eyed me with a gaze that seemed almost genuinely sad, then he sighed and turned to go away, to leave me behind. “Do. _Not_. Follow me,” he said, then walked out of my sight.

I slid to the ground, curling up. It was like a swarm of eels decided to have a bachelor party in my gut; there was a bitter taste on my tongue.

What a piece of shit he was.

Or was I not allowed to be concerned?

The grief and desperation I felt initially was slowly being erased by anger.

I was not going to just walk away obediently.


	14. In Case You Didn't Know, Love Is a Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijikata's time to shine.  
> Sorry it took so long to update.  
> (Fixed)

“W-Who are you? What do you want from me?!”

“You owe me a favour, Chico,” I stepped closer, cracking my knuckles menacingly. “Took me a while to find out who and where you are, but now that I found you, you’re not running from me, you little shit.”

“I haven’t done anything! I’ve never seen you before!” As I stepped into the light, he squinted at me. “You’re a cop! Oh my god, am I getting arrested?”

“I should consider myself lucky you aren’t high,” I growled, pinning him to the wall. By gods, what a stench. That guy was so disgusting. “Now, shut up and listen,” I glared at him. He froze completely, he even stopped squirming. He was scared of me, bloody terrified, and to scare such a lowlife nearly to death was surprisingly pleasant. At that moment, I understood how Gintoki felt – just a little bit, anyway. It was good to be this much in control.

“Because of you, I got clobbered over the head and kidnapped, and I almost ended up getting fucked to death. I don’t know what Kisei gave you, but I kind of figure it had something to do with your addiction.” Watching him closely, I continued: “But because I’m nice, I’m going to leave you alone, if you do what I say. And if you do well, I might even consider pulling you out of the ditch you jumped headfirst into. Okay?”

“O-Okay…?” he responded hesitantly, his eyes briefly meeting mine.

“Good boy.” Letting go of him, I dusted my hands, then attempted to wipe them on my trousers. It didn’t help much. “Get me some clean inconspicuous clothes. I can’t really stroll around here in my uniform. I’m going to hide my uniform here, so you better watch over it. If anything happens to it, I’m going to crush your balls. Are we clear?”

He nodded frantically.

“Also,” I added, “don’t tell anybody I was here,” I said. “The clothes. ASAP. I’m in a hurry,” I snapped my fingers. As though he woke up from a trance, he mumbled something and ran off. He was still pretty young, I wouldn’t be surprised if he only recently turned twenty – to see him end up in such a place made me think I should help him.

I chuckled as I suddenly thought of a silly idea. If I made Chico my… lackey of sorts, would that make Gintoki jealous?

Probably not… Unfortunately.

Well, Kisei had him under his thumb already, so whatever.

I doubted I would be good influence on the kid, too. I figured he didn’t have much money, and the little he had he spent on drugs. I could try and help him get rid of his addiction, but that was about all I could do.

Sooner than expected, he was back with a bunch of… something. Taking it from his hands, I looked over the clothes; it wasn’t anything good, but I couldn’t afford to be picky. There was a simple black shirt, grey hoodie and dark jeans, all smelling strongly of cigarettes. I took off my jacket and shirt, not looking at Chico as I did so. I was aware he was watching me, but I couldn’t care less. Gintoki’s location was unknown to me, and I needed to have Chico work with me a little longer because of that.

I knew that Gintoki, along with Katsura and the other two guys from their little gang disappeared somewhere in Rengokukan’s stomach, but I could only hope they weren’t just stopping by and that the place was actually their destination. I couldn’t get in with my uniform, the moment somebody spotted me, I would most likely be dead.

“Chico,” I said as I slipped the shirt over my head, “You’re coming with me after all. I know I said I wanted you to stay here, but I need assistance.”

“B-But,” Chico protested weakly, “I shouldn’t be helping police with anything. If I get caught…” he glanced sideways.

“Caught?” I looked at him directly.

“K—Someone’s gonna have my ass,” he stirred nervously. “I don’t want that.”

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. That little K sound at the beginning might have just been a cough, but I doubted that. And if I were right, then Chico’s statement might have been quite literal. “Fine,” I sighed. “Although what I’m doing is not for the police, you can stay here. I’ll somehow manage on my own. But, if you tell _anybody_ that I stopped by your place, you’re going to regret it.”

Before he could say anything else, I took my handcuffs and using them I shackled him to his bed, making sure he wouldn’t run. Then, I stormed off.

Getting into Rengokukan was easy. Anybody could walk in at any time. Getting out was a whole different matter, but as long as I wasn’t drawing too much attention, I should be fine. With the hood over my head and shoulders slouched, I looked like your average junkie, and there was a little too many of them in that place.

I trotted through the crowd and listened to other people’s conversations, hoping to hear “Shiroyasha”. I couldn’t exactly ask around, since Gintoki would probably hear about that before I got to him.

Then, to my luck, I caught a glimpse of his white hair. It must have been more than just noticing him; I saw him all the way across the arena, just briefly, on the opposite side of the auditorium. There was no way that was just by chance, I _felt him_ being there. He and his friends who were walking with him soon disappeared in the crowd again, but I finally had a direction, at least.

I ran. Shoving people aside as I was making my way through the crowd, getting yelled at, I didn’t care.

I needed to find him.

He wasn’t there to fight officially in the arena. If he were, I wouldn’t be as worried. There was nobody in Rengokukan who could defeat him in a fight one on one. Whatever he was there for, it couldn’t be good.

Having reached the point at which I lost sight of them, I stopped, looking around and trying to catch my breath. I got a few glances, but only briefly. I didn’t seem worth noticing.

Eventually, I spotted an alleyway going to the back. It was not lit, and I didn’t feel very excited to walk into the darkness, but my gut was telling me it was the right way. Clenching my teeth, I decided to bite the bullet and after making sure nobody was looking, I slipped in. There were some people nearby who looked like they might have been secretly guarding the entrance, but they were discussing something and were too focused on their conversation to notice me.

I sneaked through the dark; soon, my eyes got used to it and I was able to tell shapes apart. Thanks to that, I spotted a silhouette of a person standing in the middle of the hall. They were probably supposed to make sure nobody got too close; I was in luck, though. They didn’t know about me until I grabbed their throat. There was a gasp, and as their heartbeat sped up, I could feel it under my fingers.

I squeezed hard. They struggled, but in this narrow space, I had all the advantages because I attacked first; although they were quite strong, I had the upper hand. I knew that if I choked them the right way, I wouldn’t kill them – If I temporarily cut off the blood stream going to their brain, they were going to faint in the end.

“G-Gin-sa—” they tried to call out. It was a woman’s voice. What she said meant I was on the right track, but… even if she were a woman, I couldn’t let her draw attention to me. I tightened my grasp around her throat even more and didn’t let go until her struggles subsided. Then, I set her on the ground carefully and tied her up using her own belt. After hesitating briefly, I also used her scarf as a gag so that she wouldn’t call anybody once she woke up.

Leaving her there, I continued.

Soon, I reached a T-end. From the left side, there was just silence, but from the right, there were voices. I decided to follow them at first, but after a few steps, I realised I couldn’t hear Gintoki’s voice among them, so I turned back and went to the left again. There was a door at the end of the hall. I kneeled next to it and listened. Nothing was happening in there, and when I looked through the keyhole, it seemed empty. There was a table with a tea set in the middle, but nobody was sitting next to it.

Taking a deep breath, I carefully opened the door. Thankfully, there really was nobody inside, but the moment I closed the door, I could hear footsteps coming from the other door on the opposite side of the room. I looked around and quickly climbed into that one closet that was there, trying not to think of all the possible scenarios that could end with my death.

The moment I hid, I could hear the door open and two people walked in. I breathed out silently; I got the closet closed in the very nick of time.

“Sir, you can’t just stroll around here like that,” somebody said.

“But I was bored!” That was undeniably Gintoki’s voice. “This is taking too long!”

“The boss will see you shortly. Please stay put.”

“Well, he’d better. I didn’t come here to waste time.” Gintoki huffed and I figured he sat down.

“I’ll bring you some tea,” said the other person and left. Soon, the door slid open again, there was some clinking of the tea set, and then the door closed again and there was just silence. I could hear Gintoki sip the hot liquid carefully.

My heart was beating so loudly I was worried he might hear.

The door opened. For a few moments, everything was quiet, then Gintoki said: “Well, this is quite the surprise.”

“My sentiments exactly,” the other person responded and I nearly flipped my shit. _Hirotan?!_ “I didn’t expect my… agent… to be the Shiroyasha.” Yes, it was Hiroki’s voice, without a doubt.

“It saves us a lot of trouble, though,” Gintoki chuckled. The door slid closed and there were footsteps, as Hiroki presumably walked closer to Gintoki. “There’s no need for introductions.”

“True.” Hiroki poured himself tea as well. “I have to say, your work so far has been flawless. I don’t know how you managed to find the root of the problem, but I appreciate it was done so quickly.”

“To be honest, it was just a fluke.” Gintoki paused to take a sip. “I latched onto him ‘cause of Toshiko, and what I found out was beyond anything I might’ve expected. Speaking of, I can trust you to dispose of the stuff, right? I don’t really care what you do with that asshole, but I didn’t help you seize the cargo just to have you sell it instead.”

“Of course. I have no need for such filthy money. This place itself gives me more than enough, and I’m not going to sell something so lethal. I don’t want to lose my regulars; some of them would be really unhappy if I did that. In fact, the warning about the drug came from one of them.”

“Who was it?”

“No names, Shiroyasha. I’m sure you understand.”

“Ah, yeah.” There was a few moments of silence, then Gintoki spoke: “So, about my payment…”

“That has been already covered. You should get your money by tomorrow at most. Don’t worry, I keep my promises. Also, for Toshiko-chan’s sake, I’m going to have Kisei sleep with the fish. He’d cause more trouble if I let him go. Two birds with one stone, they say; we get rid of the drug dealer and the rapist in one go.” Gintoki hummed in agreement. I swallowed nervously; Hiroki’s voice had been unusually business-like the whole time and it was strange, I couldn’t get used to it at all. The way he was indifferent about killing someone off made me uncomfortable. To have Gintoki kill someone was one thing, I kind of figured that might have happened more than a few times, considering how bad a shape he was in now and then, but Hirotan… I’ve always thought Hirotan was somewhat a decent person. He seemed meek and kind, never did I think he could be the owner of Rengokukan and just as ruthless as any other bigshot down there.

Suddenly, I started to get the picture of the whole puzzle… and I didn’t like it in the slightest.

“Say, Shiroyasha,” there was a clink of the teacup being set down, “what is it with you and Toshiko-chan?”

Gintoki chuckled. “You’re still worried about that?”

“Of course. Like I’ve said before, Toshiko is important to me.”

“Then, I could ask you the same,” Gintoki’s voice had a sudden edge.

“Don’t worry, I’m not pining after her in the way you are,” Hirotan denied such a thing immediately. “We’ve been friends for a long time, and seeing her associate with someone as dangerous as you, getting worried is a given.”

“I’ve been following Toshiko for a long time,” Gintoki said after a while. “It’s been about three years, I think. It was here that I saw him for the first time. If you ask me why, I don’t know. I just… wanted that person ever since then. I followed his every step, and even managed to get hired to the same job as him, eventually.”

My hair rose at the back of my neck. I had no idea. From what Gintoki said, it sounded like he was straight up stalking me, and I never noticed.

“What kind of job?” Hiroki asked, but Gintoki hummed dismissively. “Not tellin’,” he said. “But now you get it, right? There ain’t no way I’m letting go.”

“I get it,” Hiroki sighed. “As long as Toshiko-chan is alright. I—”

Suddenly, somebody stormed in. “Sacchan was found tied up in the hallway,” that person – it was Katsura again, I was getting tired of his bullshit already – blurted out, gasping for air. “Mutsu was coming in a bit late and—”

“We have a spy on the loose,” Hiroki jumped to his feet. “Shiroyasha, this is one of the crucial spots to guard if the rat tries to escape; please stay here. I’ll pay you some additional money if you help us catch them.”

“Right,” Gintoki agreed. There was stomping of feet leaving in a hurry and then, Gintoki was left alone in there. I was trying to calm down. Would they think to search this room? They wouldn’t, right? I took a deep breath.

The door of the closet I was in slid open. Gintoki stared at me silently for a few moments, then he chuckled.

“Hi.”


	15. People act like idiots, and people in love are worse than that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is dumb.

“How did you know I was here?” I whispered, because that was moderately better than panicking. No matter what I did next, he was going to make me regret that I spied on him, but to freak out was the least smart thing I could possibly do. I would never hear the end of it.

“You stink, and this is the only hiding spot,” Gintoki opened the closet fully and reached in to pull me out; I complied, looking anywhere but at his face. “But seriously, you reek. What’s with this getup? Those aren’t your clothes, I would know.”

“I’m not going to ask,” I growled under my breath.

“I told you before, I like your scent. There ain’t no way I wouldn’t notice.”

“Creep,” I retorted angrily. I was unhappy with this whole situation, with the two of them hiding so much from me, with Gintoki having so much control over me.

“You’re one to talk, spying on us,” he grabbed my chin. “Couldn’t you just stay put? Why did you even follow me here? You shouldn’t have heard.”

“What are you going to do then, kill me?” I glared at him, swatting his hand away. I could feel I was shaking with anger; part of it was also a shock from what I heard earlier, but mostly, I felt betrayed. Those secretive bastards, doing such things behind my back, not telling me anything, and what for?! Why couldn’t I know? I didn’t want to be an active part of it, but I hated being kept in the dark.

“What? No!” he looked at me in disbelief, apparently perturbed by such notion. That was somewhat of a relief, although it didn’t make me feel any more trustful. I took a breath to say something, but my words got stuck in my throat when he leaned closer, frowning. _My body just wouldn’t listen_. I couldn’t even back away.

“Where did you get those clothes?” he said quietly, his eyes narrowing. I swallowed hard and mentally cursed at my heart for picking up such a crazy pace.

“I stopped by Chico’s…” I started, but was shut up by his expression. His piercing gaze had me frozen in place.

“You did _what_?” he bellowed, his hands grabbing my shoulders. “Are you an idiot!?”

“That’s because you—” I stopped abruptly. I was about to say something really stupid. I would rather have him kill me than say that aloud. I never wanted him to find out that he was the cause, that against all reason I came here because he was a reckless bastard and I was genuinely worried about him.

“Because I what?” he didn’t let it slide. I pursed my lips, looking away.

Suddenly, the door opened and Hiroki was standing there. “Shiroyasha, the—” he stopped mid-sentence, staring at us. Then, he sighed and turned back to the hallway; I could hear him tell someone to call off the search. When he looked at me again, I couldn’t read him at all.

“Toshiko-chan,” he stepped closer. “I almost couldn’t tell; you’re really different.” My throat clenched; I wished I could just beat the shit out of Gintoki and leave. Unfortunately for me, I wouldn’t be able to, and as for Hiroki, I could never hit him. Once again, I felt hatefully helpless. “So, you were the one who got in through our guard?” my friend asked.

I nodded. There was no need to say anything. I couldn’t guarantee I was the only one who got in, but logically speaking, to have two spies in one day was highly unlikely.

“That’s good,” he sighed in relief, then eyed me curiously. “Why, though?” he said; of course he did not understand. It didn’t concern him, I had no idea he was a part of this.

“Ask him,” I gestured towards the idiot who happened to be the reason for all the things I’ve done recently.

With a questioning look in his eyes, Hirotan turned to Gintoki.

“You see, he just loves me so much he couldn’t stay put, so he followed me because he was worried I might get myself killed,” the permhead explained, chuckling. Gritting my teeth, I punched his shoulder. Hard. He was right, obviously he was. However, I was not happy about it in the slightest. I didn’t ask to fall for that bastard, either.

“Is that so?” Hiroki said doubtfully. Such a reaction was understandable; the two of us resembled anything but a loving couple. I could see Hiroki didn’t approve; perhaps he thought Gintoki was, in fact, still forcing me to be in that relationship. Perhaps, and that was a thought that never should have surfaced my mind, he didn’t want me to date anyone because my existence as the unreachable and mysterious Toshiko was a part of his plans concerning the Rengokukan. I couldn’t see why or how that would work, but… all of a sudden, I was more distrustful than ever. Of Gintoki, and of my friend.

Still, I didn’t want to let go of either one of them.

Clenching my teeth, I finally looked straight at Hiroki. “I… He’s right, Hirotan. It’s his fault for not telling me a thing, though.”

Hiroki pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright,” he said after a few moments of silence, “get out, you lovesick fools. Shiroyasha, we’re not quite done talking yet; I’ve got another job for you, hence I expect you to make appointment with me once you’re…” he eyed the two of us, sighing. “… free.” His eyes shifted to me, as he added: “Toshiko-chan… I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have kept it from you, but… in the beginning, I couldn’t trust you with such information, and after that, I couldn’t ever get the timing right. Eventually, I decided it should be okay if you didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine,” I replied. If he walked up to me and told me he was in fact the owner of that place, I probably wouldn’t have believed him anyway. I could see how it was easier for him, logically speaking – even if I still didn’t like it in the slightest.

Gintoki leaned closer and I nearly jumped out of my skin when his hand slapped my ass. “Let’s go, then,” he grinned, winking at Hiroki. “Thanks for understanding.”

We made a very awkward leave, with Gintoki’s squad staring at us from the opposite door.

We quickly stopped by Chico’s; Gintoki waited outside to make sure that drug addict wouldn’t put two and two together. I didn’t need him to associate the Shiroyasha with the police, either.

Chico didn’t even try to leave and I found him exactly as I left him, sitting on the ground, cuffed to the leg of his bed. I changed my clothes in a rush, took my handcuffs back and before I left, I spared a few seconds to open the window to let at least _some_ air into that dump.

And then, before I knew it, we found ourselves at my place. By that time, I felt _really_ awkward, because Gintoki didn’t say a word since we left Rengokukan. I could only guess what was going through his head… and I didn’t like any of my guesses.

“Strip,” was the first thing that left his mouth the moment we entered the flat.

“Wha—” I turned to him – only to get backed against the wall.

“You _stink_ ,” he growled. “Of sweat, weed, shit and what makes all of it worse is the fact that it’s a smell of another guy. Get. In. The. Shower.”

“I would have done that without you telling me to,” I retorted, shoving him off of me as I dropped my shoes and made my way to the bathroom.

When I began undressing, I heard the door click behind me. Gintoki stepped in and started taking his clothes off as well. I didn’t say anything, if would be pointless to argue with him over it. If he wanted to shower with me, whatever – I was beyond the point where I’d get embarrassed over that. Paying no attention to him, I stepped into the shower stall. When the warm water hit my face, I exhaled deeply; I had no idea how much I needed that.

Gintoki joined me after a few moments. It was kind of cramped with two people, but I almost caught myself thinking it was nice. Wordlessly, he closed the remaining distance between us, pressing his chest against my back. I clenched my teeth when his hands briefly ran over my stomach; he reached out for the soap, then smeared it all over my skin. It weirded me out just how focused he was.

In silence, I watched the bubbles flow to the drain, as they got washed away. I rubbed shampoo into my hair and rinsed it off while he was scrubbing himself clean as well.

In no way did I expect him suddenly grab my throat just when I was about to get out. His other hand went down to my waist as he pressed to me, skin to skin.

“The fuck are you doing?!” I snapped, attempting to face him. His grip on my throat tightened and I found it harder to breathe. His lips brushed over my shoulder, then he sank his teeth deep into my skin. If it were anyone else, I would sock them square in the face and make them count their teeth, but… in his case, I just gritted my teeth, my fists clenching. From what I understood, Gintoki was upset that I went and did the opposite of what he asked me to do, but I also felt like that was not all there was to it. For the moment, I decided to let him have his way.

“Kneel,” he purred into my ear.

Ah, of course. I completely forgot that Gintoki was not just _into_ power play. He _was_ the power play, he needed to be in control.

Sighing, I complied and turned around as he let go of me, then I slowly knelt down with water still running down our bodies. He grabbed my chin and made me look up at him; there was no need to say anything else. Hesitantly, taking back the side note about embarrassment I made earlier, I closed my eyes and when my fingers wrapped around his dick, I could feel my face heat up.

Leaning in, I slowly licked up the shaft, feeling his fingers clutch my hair. When my lips parted, he shoved his cock into my mouth; I heard him hiss shortly. It was the strangest feeling to have him harden on my tongue, and it was stupid to be aware of the fact I had no idea what I was doing. Trying my best, I went as deep as I could, breathing through my nose. His hands grabbed the back of my head and his hips moved a little forward; although he was much gentler about it than I anticipated, I could feel my gag reflex kicking in. I tried to focus; my mouth was salivating like crazy, and the only option I could see was to swallow anything and everything.

“I love you, you know?” he said suddenly.

I nearly killed myself on his dick. Coughing violently, I backed away, my eyes getting teary as I almost choked. Looking up at him, I thought for sure I was dreaming. “ _What?!_ ” I wheezed eventually, once I was sure that talking was at least somewhat possible.

“Just so you know, I’m really fucking pissed,” he didn’t respond and kneeling in front of me, he grabbed a fistful of my hair, his face only a finger’s width from mine. “I didn’t tell you to stay away from my business just to be an ass; if you got caught by anybody else except Hiroki and maybe Katsura, you’d probably die. If you’re in danger, I…” his voice faded as he looked away briefly; when he turned back, his eyes were beaming with unconcealed anger. “Why didn’t you just _listen?_ ”

“Look at you, pot calling the kettle black,” I breathed out. “Why do you have to get injured every time you do something behind my back, bastard, ah?”

For a few moments, we stared at each other, neither of us wanting to apologise; he was still holding my head in place, looking me right in the eye. It was a pointless fight, I was aware of it, but I didn’t want him to do that kind of stupid shit ever again. “… what was that you said before?” I said eventually, when the silence was a little too long in my opinion. I wanted him to repeat it, because I needed to make sure I heard him correctly; was he sick, or was I hearing things? Was _that_ really what he said?

Without a word, he leaned in and sealed my lips with his own. My mouth opened, inviting him in; no matter what, my body was eager to feel his touch. “You’ve been a bad girl,” he whispered against my lips; his gaze sent an electrifying sense of danger through my whole being. “And you’re gonna get punished. I’ll make you remember who you belong to.”


	16. Doom pending. Please insert coin to proceed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you were expecting happy sunshine and rainbows... go somewhere else. This is not that kind of fiction.  
> Scarring for life caused by reading this fanfiction is not the author's responsibility.  
> Also this should be a given, but do not try this at home.

“Comfy?” Gintoki eyed me from head to toe as he licked away blood from the cut on his lip.

“Go die. Asshole,” I breathed out through my clenched teeth. I couldn’t move; I was on my bed, lying on my back with my wrists tied to my ankles. In this position, if I didn’t want to arch my back, I had to lift my feet off of the bed, which made me more vulnerable because he had… easier access.

“You’d cry if I did that,” he chuckled, then winked at me and left the room. I could hear him rummaging through the fridge.

He had a cut on his lip because I’d punched him. When we left the bathroom, I was more or less ready to accept whatever he had in stock for me, but then I found out he took the liberty to – against our agreement – hide all kinds of pervy stuff at my place when I was either asleep or not at home. When he opened my closet and pulled out ropes and some toys I was hesitant to even begin to question, I straight up hit his stupid mug. Like idiots, naked, we fought. And I lost. My chances of victory were low as hell.

That led to the state I was currently in.

He waltzed into my bedroom again, holding a bottle of mayonnaise. He wore his pink boxers again, and I was not sure if he would look dumber with or without them.

“You can’t be serious,” I snapped. No matter what he was going to do with it, it was most likely not good. Also, what a waste of mayo! It was going to end up on everything, starting with the bed sheets and ending with the ground.

“Well, you don’t have any lube, do you?” was his response.

“I’m pretty sure you brought some, along with the other stuff,” I growled.

He loomed over me and pushed my knees apart. “Why would I?” he shook his head, opening the bottle. “Since you’ve got tons of this.”

I watched him turn the bottle upside down, and as the cold mayonnaise dripped over my nether regions, I clenched my teeth so hard they hurt; Gintoki obviously wanted to see me helpless and angry, and I didn’t want to just let him have it.

“Don’t worry, I think it’s not a spicy one,” he smiled and setting the bottle aside, he started rubbing my dick, making it slick with the mayonnaise.

“You didn’t even check?!” my eyes widened, and as my eyes vainly tried to find the bottle to check the label, I was worriedly half-expecting to start feeling the burn. If it _was_ one of the spicy ones… “Fucktard,” I growled, squinting hard as I tried to ignore the growing feeling of discomfort. Wasting my precious mayonnaise like that…!

He loomed over me, his fingers slowly sliding in my ass as he grinned. “I lied.” Despite the heat in my gut, I felt a chill run down my spine. The expression he had…

From gods know where he pulled out a small pink vibrator and licked it, his eyes gleaming feverishly. “You’re gonna love this thingy,” he brought it to my ass. “Imma watch you turn into a sloppy mess. The way you are now, you can’t hide anything.” Pushing it in me, he switched it on; my body jerked violently on its own and I groaned. I hated everything about it, and the worst part was that even though I was hard, I had the feeling he would continue regardless of the state of my dick. It didn’t matter to him – and that just proved this whole endeavour pointless. Well, it was a punishment all right, but…

I uttered a silent curse through my clenched teeth as I closed my eyes helplessly. This twisted guy, what kind of nonsense about love had he spouted earlier? Bullshit.

Suddenly, a phone rang.

“Are you fucking kidding—” I snapped, but he ignored me and getting off of the bed, he picked it up.

“Yellow? Yeah, I’m totally free, no problem, man,” he said, listening to the person on the other side of the line. “Hold on, just a sec.” Turning to me, he whispered, his face expressionless: “I’m gonna take this outside. If you’re thinking of doing something reckless, well… you better not.” Blowing a kiss towards me, he left the room, closing the door on his way.

For a few moments, I just stared at the ceiling, dumbfounded.

_He left me here in this state._

_I can’t even move._

I struggled in my bonds, but all I managed to do was to fall to my side. I let out a strained sound and attempted to at least move into a better position. That stupid pink thingy inside my ass was pressing onto that one spot it never should have touched; I desperately wanted to come – and then get up and punch the living lights out of Gintoki.

_Fucking bastard._

“Nhh…” I rolled over onto my stomach to get at least some friction. I was hoping to reach an orgasm quickly, before Gintoki could see me being so hopeless. Gasping for air, I closed my eyes. I hated how the tiny vibrator was not nearly enough. That permheaded prick, that poor excuse for a human being got me used to completely different things. I wanted something better, something bigger, something that could make me feel that stretch, something hard and pulsating.

The door opened. “Hijikata? What are you doing, you shouldn’t be moving around,” he entered the room. I could not see him, but I was damn sure he was gloating, seeing me like that. “It’s your brother, think you can handle talking to him at the moment?” Having walked over to me, he held his phone close enough for me to be able to talk. I glared at him. My brother was not daft, and if he realised that I got involved with such a dickbag, I would die of shame. Not to mention, he probably had no idea what kind of person Gintoki really was.

_“Toshi?”_

Holding back my gasps the best I could, I responded: “He… hey, nii-san…”

Gintoki set the phone down onto the sheet right next to my face and disappeared from my sight.

_“Sakata-san said you were sick. Is it serious?”_

“Do… don’t worry, it… it’s just… it… okay,” I let out between breaths. Suddenly, I could feel Gintoki push his way between my legs, and I grunted when he pulled my ass cheeks apart. His fingers slipped inside and I nearly bit my tongue clean off in a desperate attempt to hold back the sounds. “Nhhh…” I buried my face into the sheets.

_“If you need me, I’ll come to take care of you,”_ he sounded genuinely concerned.

“N-No, it’s fine… re… ally… Ack!” Gintoki pressed the vibrator right on my prostate. “Sin… since Gintoki… owes me,… he’ll… help.”

_“Are you sure?”_

“Nnnh…” I couldn’t say anything. The fingers up my ass wouldn’t stop moving.

_“Okay,”_ there was hesitation in his voice, _“but if anything comes up, be sure to tell me. Rest a lot, try to sleep, alright?”_

“Yeah…”

_“Talk to you later. Make sure to call once you’re better!”_

“Mn… Bye…” The moment I heard him end the call, I struggled in an attempt to look at Gintoki. “You… asshole, how— how _dare_ you!”

There was a chuckle and he grabbed my legs with his now very slick fingers and swiftly turned me over so that I was on my back again. Looming over me, he smirked as he pinched my left nipple hard. I winced, clenching my teeth. “S-Stop… stop that and… answer. Why did… you have to drag…”

“… your brother into this?” he pushed his fingers inside again; an unwanted moan escaped my mouth. “Because I know you’re really strong and I have to go to extreme lengths to make you feel helpless and cornered.” He poked the vibrator again and I grunted as I held back my voice. I almost came, even though he didn’t even really bother touching my front.

“Do you… get off on that,… or something?” A growl escaped my throat. I felt pathetic and I was painfully aware that it was exactly what he’d hoped for.

“Hm?” I yelped when his fingernail went down on the tip of my dick. “Yeah, that too. But if I don’t trap you, you’re going to run away. So, I have to put constant pressure on you.” His hands moved up to pin my shoulders to the bed. His eyes met mine up close and he smiled softly, whispering: “Until you break for me.”

And I could feel it again. Fear, freezing fear, immobilizing me, making my head spin, chaining me. Cold sweat poured over my whole body and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. His mouth pressed onto mine and when his tongue found a way in, I was unable to resist.

“Hey,” he murmured against my lips, “focus a little, would you?”

I gave him a blank look. I couldn’t think of anything, my brain packed its stuff and left in a hurry. I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it again, having nothing to say. My chest was rising and falling in an uneven pattern and I still had a raging hard-on, but my mind was someplace I couldn’t reach.

He backed away a little, tugging me up to my knees; then, he leaned his back on the wall, waving me over. “Come here,” he commanded. I slowly did so and once I was within his reach again, his hand shot up and grabbed the back of my neck, slamming my face into the bed right in front of his crotch. “Suck it,” his voice was cold and I didn’t want to look at him, because I was sure I would hate any expression he could possibly be sporting. Gritting my teeth, I scooted a little closer and nosed at his dick over the fabric of his boxers. He was hard and it made me happier than it should have to see that there was a wet stain around the tip.

Logically, I knew he had me dancing on his palm and that it would take him little effort to just squeeze and crush me completely, but something inside me wanted his affection. That little part was a slave to both pain and pleasure, a slave to Gintoki’s touch, scent and voice, a slave to a man who wanted nothing but dominate me. Said part was hoping that he wasn’t lying when he said he loved me, wanted to believe that the reason for his behaviour was not just lust and desire to _own_.

That part of me was usually the fastest one to control my actions.

I inhaled deeply, taking in the thick scent of a male, and I licked up the still clothed shaft, closing my eyes when I felt his fingers run through my hair. Using my teeth, I freed his dick and going only by the touch, I clumsily found the tip. Hesitating briefly, I opened my mouth and took it in.

“Don’t bite.” His hand was stroking my hair, but his voice still had the edge from before – and I would be lying if I said that the previously mentioned, perverted part of me didn’t find it thrilling. I hummed, attempting to take him deeper. I was drenched in sweat, my bangs were sticking to my forehead, my erection was aching and dripping and my ass was slowly going numb. It was not easy with my wrists still tied to my ankles, and my stomach muscles were cramping a little, as I was doing my best to hold my head high enough to have Gintoki in my mouth.

“You’re kinda cute when you’re obedient like this,” his hand slowly slid up my throat and I twitched, opening my eyes to glance at him.

He was looking down on me, his eyes glazed with lust; he grabbed my lower jaw and gently, but firmly urged me to continue. “Even though you’re such a big man,” he continued his monologue in a low voice, “so strong and proud. I’m so lucky nobody got under your skin before me. To have you like this, I must be blessed. You’re mine and only mine.”

His voice carried a different message than those words alone would have.

Being by his side, I was no longer an equal.

Perhaps, I had never been. From the very start, all he could see was a unique toy and nothing more.

Love?

Are you kidding me?

There’s no such thing.


	17. Being a reckless jerk, you're bound to get bitten sooner or later

“My ass hurts.” I was lying on my bed, face buried in my pillow, and I could barely move. I was exhausted; that insatiable bastard wouldn’t let me rest at all. I felt drained in every sense of that word, but more than that, I felt hateful. “My whole body hurts.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be a punishment otherwise,” the bed sank as he loomed over me again. I didn’t have the energy nor the will to try and look at him. He was already dressed by then. I was not. And I would rather die than ask him for the help I needed.

His hand slid down my spine and stopped in the small of my back, resting there. It was pleasant, but I was so damn angry with him I barely noticed.

“Fuck off,” I growled.

“Ha?” He was genuinely surprised I was pissed, and that was the final drop to the cup of my patience.

Gritting my teeth and gathering all the strength I could muster, I slowly got up on my elbows and turned my head to look at him. “Get. The. _Fuck._ Out.”

His expression changed into something I couldn’t read and he stared back at me for a few seconds, then he backed away, sighing. “Ahhh, damn it. I knew I should have just locked you up.” He got up and turned to leave, but then he stopped, glancing at me. “You look good worn out like this. If only I…” he didn’t finish. Instead, he said: “You just don’t get it, do you.” He looked genuinely sad, as though I did something to him, as though I was the one in the wrong. His face was that of a dog who got kicked without a reason, and that irked me to no end.

“Get what?!” I snapped. He didn’t respond, he only kept staring silently, his expression sorrowful. My eyebrow cocked at such an act; I was not the bad guy here, no way in hell. He was the one. It was his fault that I could barely move, it was his fault that my whole body was sore, and it was his own fucking fault that I followed him in the first place. It was also his fault that I was robbed of most of my freedom, and it was the same with the fact I couldn’t think of anything and anybody else. Plus he was to blame for my embarrassment earlier – just what kind of person would pick up a call at such a time? Worse, what kind of person would drag the other party’s family into this?! That piece of shit filled my entire world, regardless of my own opinion and of what I wanted, ruined my moderately pleasant life and turned it upside down and inside out. I still didn’t understand what he wanted, what his goal was and where I was _really_ standing regarding his plans. Despite not knowing, I was, however, pretty damn sure I wouldn’t like it.

Those were plans I involuntarily became a part of, and I hated just how restrained I felt. Truly, sex with him could sometimes be exhilarating in a way, it was merciful to me, and even though he would bind my limbs, I felt freer than ever. I honestly liked the moments when I could be true to myself; they were addicting, and Gintoki knew he had me hooked. The pleasure he gave – even the physical pain he sometimes caused – it made me ache for more.

However, other than that, he completely missed the mark. I was tired of secrets, I was fed up with untold lies and suggested half-truths, and at that point in time, I couldn’t take it any longer. Adding the idiotic accusations from earlier, that was far too much for me to swallow. If only – _if only_ – he could just have me in bed, if only he didn’t overstep that boundary. I was being suffocated. The moment he started sticking his nose into my personal matters, everything went to shit for me.

And he bloody knew it. He knew, because he said himself he could see me breaking slowly, falling apart at his whim, and he found it… _amusing_.

“Oi, asshole,” I sat up, clenching my teeth as I supressed a groan, “you heard me, right? Get the fuck out. Out of my bedroom, my flat, my fucking life. Whatever we had going up to this point is over… if there really was anything to begin with. I’m done with you – done in all ways possible. Fuck you and everything you stand for.” My voice was brimming with coldness. My throat was certainly clenching as I spoke, but it was not my intention to let him walk all over me any longer. I was sure that whatever was going to follow was bound to be unpleasant; even so, I didn’t keep quiet.

“You sure?” he said. He seemed hesitant, and I remembered he knew things that could bring me problems, should they be known by others. However, that seemed almost ridiculous. I doubted that kind of petty revenge was something he cared for, and honestly speaking, it didn’t matter to me anymore.

“If you want to tell the others at work what I do in my spare time, go for it. You’ve already ruined so much, I don’t even care,” I stated.

He looked me in the eye and for a split second he looked like he was about to punch me. He stepped closer and when I braced my weakened body for the incoming, he pushed me backwards onto the sheets. Once again, I felt a chill. His eyes were unpleasant and I wished I were anywhere but near him.

“Your crazy is showing,” I whispered as his face came closer to mine.

“Shut up.”

Our mouths fused in a forceful kiss I didn’t ask for. Even so, I received it, bitterly and regretfully, because even though there was pretty much nothing about Gintoki that I didn’t hate, he was admittedly a man whom I still wanted, and a memory had to be created in order for me to move on.

But – fuck – was he a good kisser. I nearly gave in to it. Thankfully, before that could happen, he pulled away, licking his lips, and cupped my cheek with his hand. “I’m leaving, but… come find me if you’re ever bored. I’ll _gladly_ …” his finger trailed along my jaw and eventually he grabbed my chin, “… finish your training.” He was smiling, but something was off. His gaze was not as piercing. He wasn’t doing _the thing_. Normally, he was overbearing and dominating and it was hard to resist him in more ways than one. But at the moment, it was almost easy to go against him.

_He was not doing the thing._

Was he possibly letting me escape?

“Fuck you,” my voice shook a little bit, as I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore. Regardless of what he thought, regardless of what he had planned up until that point, I didn’t want to be a part of it any longer.

He chuckled and when I raised my eyelids again, I only saw the door close. Moments later, the door leading outside was slammed shut. I was truly alone and just the thought itself physically hurt. I knew that getting rid of him was for the best, and yet, it was suddenly hard to breathe.

“Fuck you,” I breathed out again for good measure. Slowly and carefully, I got off the bed and although my legs felt like they were filled with goo, wobbly and irresponsive, I trotted to the bathroom. I smelled of sweat, Gintoki, spunk and mayonnaise; long story short, I desperately needed a shower.

After I was done with it, I made my way to the couch, and fell face-down on it, with nothing on but the towel around my hips still.

I don’t know for how long I have slept, but it was already dark outside when a phone call woke me up. Groaning, I forced my aching body to move far enough for me to be able to reach. I cussed silently when I saw the name on the screen; this most likely _couldn’t_ be good.

“Kondo-san?”

_“Yo, Toshi! How are you doing?”_

“Just peachy. What is it, do you need anything?”

_“I have some great news for you!”_

“Oh? Do tell?” I said, hoping that it really _was_ good, because after all the complete bullshit I went through recently, a change would be very much welcome.

 _“I’ve managed to convince the higher-ups to let you come back to the office,”_ he said excitedly, as though it was him, not me, who was in question.

“… really?” I could hardly believe my ears. “When?”

_“In about a month, they said. I might be able to push it a bit, though, now that there’s a vacancy.”_

“A vacancy? Did someone get transferred or something?”

_“No, no. Sakata-san gave me a resignation letter earlier.”_

I felt a sudden stab of guilt. “Did… did he say why?” If he left his job because of me… that was something I couldn’t possibly take responsibility for.

_“He said it was personal, and I didn’t pry. I thought you two were friends, he didn’t tell you anything?”_

I cleared my throat. “We weren’t… in touch.” It was a straight up lie, although he really didn’t say a word.

 _“Maybe he’s moving?”_ Kondo-san said thoughtfully.

My phone fell from my suddenly numb fingers and clattered on the floor. Was I the reason? Was he truly going to leave me alone? Was I free at last?

Slowly, I picked up my phone and thanked Kondo-san for his kindness, then ended the call. He did try to invite me for a drink, but that was something I could hardly afford, considering the havoc my mind was in. He would certainly pry and if I let anything slip by chance under the influence of alcohol, I would just crawl into a hole and die the morning after.

And boy, it hurt to refuse. I wanted to get so drunk I would forget everything including my name. I wasn’t that foolish, though; the fear of the consequences was way greater than my desire to get absolutely smashed. Instead, I got dressed, and grabbing a packet of smokes, I decided to go for a night walk to clear my head.

On my way out, I checked the mailbox.

There was a key inside.

I didn’t even have to think about it. It was obvious that this was the key Gintoki used several times before, the copy which he made against my permission, the copy that brought me immense trouble. At first I doubted my senses, I didn’t think he’d give it back – I assumed I was going to have the lock changed.

He really _was_ erasing his trail, disappearing like I asked him to. That was almost suspicious.

Slowly, as though I was dreaming, I grabbed my phone and searched through my contacts to find his number. It was still there – I half expected it to be gone – but when I dialled, nothing happened. All I got was an unfamiliar voice telling me that his number could not be reached.

That self-centered asshat blocked my calls.

 _He_ blocked _me._

_What the fuck._

_I was the one cutting the ties, was I not? What the fuck._

_Well… maybe it’s for the best._

Utterly bemused, I walked out. It was drizzling a little, and the air was damp and heavy like a blanket. I went into a public park, sat down on a bench and stared at the clouded dark skies, as water gently caressed my tired face.

Finally.

Finally I was free. Free of him, free of the prick that messed me up so much. I didn’t have to be worried about what he might do, about what he did and about what he was doing when I was not watching. There was no need for me to wait for him or obey his demands. I didn’t have to constantly keep the… inside… usable, either.

Filling my lungs with the cold night air, I reached for a cigarette. It was a sucky week, but it ended surprisingly well.


	18. Just when I thought it couldn't get any shittier, I found a dead rat in my bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little hint: When Hijikata says "problem", he means his d!ck.

I had an itch.

A terrible one.

And no matter how deep I shoved my fingers up my ass, I couldn’t scratch it.

It was just _not enough_.

Well, yeah.

I _did_ come.

But it was unsatisfying and left me craving for more. My body still refused to accept that Gintoki had been gone for over a month.

I was back on track, everything was back to normal. Sometimes, Tamegoro would call to check on me, but every single thing in my life was perfect, so there was little to chat about. I was back in the office, with pleasure I drowned in paperwork every day, I came home after working overtime and I fell asleep from exhaustion. And I liked my life being that way. I didn’t go to Rengokukan once after I broke it off with _him_ , I was too chicken to do that. I didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to meet him, didn’t want to talk to him, and if the two of us were to suddenly ignore one another, it would rouse questions I couldn’t be bothered to answer.

However, one day I woke up in the middle of the night because of a dream I had, and I was fucking horny like a young buck during mating season. I tried a lot of things, but my efforts bore little fruit and all I gained was a bitter taste of regret once I was done.

And I was… _lonely_. Or rather, for some reason, I missed the aspect of uncertainty, I missed not knowing when he might show up. And, although it was immensely shameful to admit such a thing, I needed something entirely different to satisfy my cravings. Even though Gintoki rarely treated that place with care, he knew what he was doing most of the time and in his hands, the orgasm I would reach would be draining. Exhaustive. _Complete_.

I could no longer satisfy myself.

He fucked me up in so many ways.

Before he appeared, I didn’t even _think_ I would put anything in my ass; even though I preferred men over women, I never assumed I would possibly be the one bottoming. I liked guys of smaller build than mine and softer features, and generally speaking, Gintoki with his dumb large body and a face that was just _asking_ to be punched couldn’t be farther from my type. Even though I certainly piqued his interest, there would be nothing between us under normal circumstances. Considering his manipulative and sadistic nature which I genuinely hated, there was not a single thing I would go for about him, regardless of how much he might want to woo me.

And yet, because he claimed me his without my consent, he was able to show me pleasure I would never imagine. He successfully turned me into a pervert – day after day, at the least convenient times, I would remember, and it took all my willpower to not make sudden excuses to be able to go to the restroom and take care of my suddenly arisen problem. He was the reason that I liked a little bit of pain, too.

His way of handling me in bed? I’d take that any day. His scent, his rough hands, his hot breath on my neck, his teeth sinking into my skin…

I was staring at the ceiling through the dark of my room, and I was unable to fall asleep, even though I had masturbated several times. My nether regions were still tingling and I felt hot, although my head was filled with shame and regret. Regret that I hadn’t handled the situation with Gintoki sooner and in a much better manner, and shame, because I had masturbated to the memory of him fucking the living lights out of me, and not just once. His touch was unforgettable and I got used to it way too quickly.

My head was beginning to ache, and my nipples were throbbing because I teased them a little too much. I should have moved on by now, I should have been fine, yet I couldn’t. Whenever I was unable to sleep, on a cold lonely night after I jacked off and worsened the itch that had been bothering me, I would lie on my bed and mope, wondering how much of what had happened was, in fact, my fault. Sometimes I thought I should find him and apologise, but if I did that, my pride would suffer a blow I was not ready for.

Even though my life was running according to its old rules again, I was still a wreck, even though Gintoki was gone.

I glanced at the clock. Its digits shone through the dark.

It was barely some time after midnight.

I got up and walked over to my closet; hesitantly, I opened it and reached to the back for one of my dresses. I needed to relax, to socialise. Even though I knew that it wasn’t a good thing in the long run, well… I wanted to go, anyway. The chances of meeting Gintoki there were rather slim, and I kind of wanted to talk to Hiroki and maybe see if some of my other not as close friends were around still. Last time I was free like this, I didn’t quite get to do that and after that, Gintoki made it impossible for a long, long time.

I packed my things and left, stopping by the usual public restrooms on the way, and when I arrived to Rengokukan, I was in my full tranny glory.

Although I expected the people to question my absence or my split up with Gintoki, nobody addressed me; nothing seemed out of the ordinary. As I walked, there was a lot of stares, but that was the norm. Of course; I looked absolutely _delicious_ , I made sure I would before I left the restrooms. My makeup was a mask that hid the parts of me that I didn’t like, and only the likeable Toshiko was present.

I quickly made my way to Hiroki’s café. His wife noticed me as soon as I entered, and she greeted me with a smile; she didn’t use to do that before, but I guessed Hiroki was the reason for this. I sat down and asked for a coffee. It was calm and quiet, there were no other customers than myself at the moment.

“My husband’s at a meeting right now,” she said, having brought my cup herself and setting it in front of me. “I’ll let him know you showed up, though, if you want. He could hurry it up and come here.”

“No, I wouldn’t want to trouble him,” I shook my head. “I’m Toshiko, by the way. Sorry about the late introduction.”

“I’m Aya,” she nodded. First name basis was not surprising; I didn’t even tell her my real name, and it would be rather foolish of me to believe that she did. ‘Aya’ might have been an alias, and I didn’t care.

“You don’t mind that I’m friends with him?” I asked, genuinely curious. Even if it weren’t for the fact that I was rather popular with both men and women down here, there was also that he was the owner of this whole place and was playing favourites – and let’s not forget that I was a weirdo who happened to be way too close to her husband.

She laughed, sitting down as well. “No, no. Believe it or not, I’m glad. He rarely gets to converse freely, and even with me, he doesn’t relax much. Seeing him speak with you makes me happy, and it usually makes his day, so… please, take care of him in the future as well.”

“How did you two meet?” I wondered. “If… if you don’t mind me asking, that is. It’s just… you two are such an exception, seeing your background,” I made a general gesture meaning the place where we were – Rengokukan.

She smiled. “That’s okay. It’s kind of a sob story, though.”

“I’d like to hear it.”

“It was through debt,” she leaned back in her chair. “My father was… not somebody you’d like to have at home. He was not somebody you’d like, period. He gambled a lot, he would drink and then beat me… Because of his excessive drinking, he ended up in a hospital which we couldn’t afford to pay for. Then he died, leaving me alone in a house that was falling apart. One night, some scary men woke me up and went through the house, but found nothing valuable – I was living hand to mouth at the time – and when I wanted to call for help, they told me my father took an illegal loan because he was running out of money. It made sense, since he had no job, yet he’d still go to slots almost every day. Long story short, he was a poor excuse for a dad… I had no ways of paying what he owed, but I was young, and you know how this goes.” She went silent for a moment. I glanced away, feeling bad that I made her recall such painful memories.

Taking a deep breath, she continued. “Luckily enough, before I could be sold off, I happened to meet Hiroki personally. I was shocked; the man my father was indebted to was about the same age as I was. Later I learned he was, in fact, three years younger. In front of his men he was harsh and ruthless, and seeing him like that, I expected only the worst. _‘This one isn’t going to make it,’_ he stated. I remember how cold he sounded when he said that.” A smile appeared briefly on her face. “Even back then, though, he felt sorry for me. You know how he normally is, his heart is golden.” I nodded; until just recently, I had no idea that he could be any different.

“He sent his men away, then we sat down and talked; he let me patiently cry on his shoulder. Eventually, he came to a decision – there were other jobs I could do instead of selling myself. His father put him in charge of Rengokukan around then, and at first I was a waitress down here, in one of the posher places. It wasn’t as easy as fun as it might sound, but I’m sure you understand.”

Again, I agreed silently. To be just a worker down here must have been hell. Even if Hiroki held a protective hand over her, which I was not entirely sure that he did – or that he _could_ – she must have had the worst of times. I could imagine that they worked her to the bone, even more so if Hiroki didn’t let them have her do companionship.

“Eventually, he started to come here more often, just to see me. That was kind of nice, actually, and I started looking forward to it. And about two years later, we got married. He made the most ridiculous proposal,” she chuckled. “The debt I had was still to be paid, but that’s long over by now.”

“Why do you still work here, then?” I tilted my head, hoping to get off of that heavy topic. “I know that you have a shop of your own now, but… you don’t have to do this, do you?”

“I don’t,” Aya nodded, “Hiroki asked me to stop even before the debt has been dealt with, but that was out of the question. Right now… I’m doing this for personal reasons.”

That was a sign I shouldn’t pry, and I did not. If it was something she didn’t want to speak about, it must have been something really big, since she didn’t mind sharing what she already did. We both fell into silence, as I sipped my coffee.

“What about you and Shiroyasha?” she said suddenly, and I almost choked. I didn’t expect her to ask, but it was a given that she’d know a lot – Hiroki seemed to tell her almost everything, and that most likely included the last time I was here when I secretly listened on to some stuff I was not supposed to hear.

“What about us?” I asked, being unsure as to what she wants to know.

“Hiroki told me the two of you had some kind of… disagreement.” She was either really careful with her choice of words, or knew less than I expected.

“Well… yes. I guess you could say that.” I glanced away, not really wanting to elaborate on that.

She stared at me for a few moments, and although I was looking in a different direction, I could feel her eyes burning holes through me. “He’s been coming here every day,” she said.

“To Rengokukan?” My throat clenched.

“To this café,” she replied, and my heart nearly stopped. I could feel my blood turn cold. “He and three of his friends. Strange people, but they seem to be on really good terms.”

My mind was blank for a few seconds; then I got up so quickly I knocked my chair over. “I… I need to go,” I breathed out. No way in hell had I expected Gintoki to destroy the safe sanctuary I made of this place.

“I’m sorry, I should have told you that first,” Aya got up and put my chair back in place. My legs were trembling; I was not ready to run into him just yet!

“Th—That’s okay, you didn’t know,” I shook my head. “Tell Hiroki I said hi. I was hoping to talk to him, but there’s no helping it. See you later.” It was getting hard to speak, my hands were sweating, my heartbeat like a drum – I was panicking. I knew I was being rude, but there was just one thought on my mind: _I need to get the fuck outta here._

“See you later,” Aya gave me a sympathetic smile and turned to go do whatever she needed to, as I quickly made my way towards the exit.

Just when I was about to grab the knob, the door opened.

Gintoki was standing there, with Katsura and two other guys close behind.


	19. You thought it couldn't get any worse? Well, here you go.

The moment Gintoki saw me, he stepped inside, closing the door quickly. I heard Katsura cuss upon noticing me, but I couldn’t care less. I took a step back, not knowing what to say; Gintoki forced me against the wall, chest to chest, and without a word, he slipped his hand under my skirt, fondling my ass. I struggled, but my knees were giving in.

“Let go, you asshole,” I breathed out through my clenched teeth.

“Isn’t this what you came here for?” he whispered and licked my ear. His fingers slid between my butt cheeks and I inhaled shakily. Had I known he made this café his home base in my absence, I would have never come here.

“Fuck no,” I pushed against him again, hoping that he’d let go. “That you force yourself on me is one thing, but did you forget where we are?!” I finally freed myself and stepped to the side, then I started fixing my dress. I shouldn’t have worn this one; it was rather tight and my hard-on could be seen. Beet red in the face, I turned away from him in embarrassment. Of course I would get hard instantly the moment he touched me, damn it. My body ached for him, he engraved himself into my core, leaving a scar that would never heal.

“Let’s go to the toilets, then,” he grabbed my waist and began dragging me towards the restrooms. A convenient place for sure; it was just one room with one toilet, a sink built in a cabinet and a mirror on the wall, and it could be locked from the inside.

I resisted. Of course I resisted, I was scared what would become of me if I gave in to my desires. “I don’t want that!” My voice was shaky; although I said that, I couldn’t help thinking otherwise.

“Course you do,” he chuckled and opening the door, he pushed me inside. “Look at you,” his arms wrapped around my torso from behind and he turned me towards the mirror. “Anyone could tell.”

He was right. I looked so wanton like I probably never had in my life; cheeks flushed, chest falling and rising rapidly, painted lips parted as I stood there with an expression of a stray cat about to be fed.

Ashamed, I closed my eyes.

I could hear him lock the door, and his lips clung to my neck moments after, sucking so hard it hurt. He pushed my skirt out of the way and his hands worked their way around my crotch while he slowly ground his dick against my ass. Blindly, I leaned onto the cabinet and clenched my teeth when he pushed the fabric of my underwear to the side.

“Nice panties. Haven’t seen them before. Bought them recently?”

“Shut up and get it over with.” I refused to open my eyes, knowing that if I did, I would see my true face – that of a whore, that of a sex slave who’d been trained to long for his master. Right now, my make up didn’t work as a mask – it only added up to the impression.

“Don’t act like you don’t want it,” his hand squeezed my erection. “You’re rock hard and you can barely stand.”

“Hurry up,” I said – or rather, I _wanted_ to say. It came out as a plea, like I was _begging_. I couldn’t help it; I wanted it, wanted him to do something, anything.

“Hurry up with what?” he teased, and if I weren’t so horny, I would have punched him right in his stupid mug.

“Put it in,” I groaned in frustration. The more he dragged it out, the worse it was. I was aching to feel him in me, and that prick was taking advantage of knowing that.

“You sure? I don’t have a rubber with me,” the tip of his cock touched my entrance. I inhaled sharply, biting my lip; there was that so typical sweet stab as my whole body tensed up in an instinctive anticipation.

“Don’t care,” I breathed out. “Do it.”

There was a chuckle from his side as his fingers clutched my hips, and I heard him hiss silently as he pushed himself in.

I opened my eyes, just a little.

The mirror in front of us gave me a good view of my red face, expression filled with desire. I never knew I could look like that; my whole form seemed just so vulnerable and dominated. With my lips parted, I was gasping for air, my eyes were glazed and there was a drop of saliva running down my chin. Shame filled me to my core as my heartbeat sped up even more.

Pathetic.

Then, I looked at Gintoki.

He was looming over me, and his face… his expression was that of pure bliss. His eyes were closed, and he seemed the most relaxed I’ve ever seen; with a slight smile curving his lips, he stood there, unmoving, serene almost. His breath tickled the back of my neck as his hands slowly but surely made their way up. Strong arms wrapped around my chest and he leaned on me, burying his face in my nape, as though being with me like that brought him comfort. He sniffed at my hair and squeezed me tighter. It might have been my imagination, but I heard him whisper something I couldn’t decipher. A terrifying thought crept up to my mind – that I would love to stay like this forever.

Only when his wet, warm tongue touched my skin, I woke up from the trance I was in. His breath was shaky and heavy, and I couldn’t suppress a moan when he finally moved his hips. I closed my eyes again,

“You’re kinda looser than I remember,” he slowly let go of my torso and one of his hands found its way back between my legs. “Did you find somebody else to sleep with?”

“I’ll… fucking stab you,” I managed to say between his thrusts, as he began picking up the pace. “You… know… I couldn’t… do that. Ever.”

“So you’re saying,” Gintoki paused, and I felt him grab my chin with his other hand, “that I’m still the only one who’s ever had you?” He forced two of his fingers in my mouth.

“Mhh,” I couldn’t respond with anything but that. Obviously, Gintoki was the only bloody idiot who’d ever even think of doing this with me, and he was – at this point, anyway – the only person I _wanted_ to do it with.

“But you’re _really_ loose,” I got my own saliva spread over my cheek. “How come? There used to be way more resistance when I went in before.”

“Nhhhh,” my back arched so much it hurt. “I… did it myself… tonight…”

“Aw, bummer. And I didn’t see.” He gradually slowed down, and instead of thrusting himself in like usual, he rubbed me inside in a way that was driving me crazy. “You need to let me watch next time.”

“Gintoki,” I panted, ignoring what he said, as I could feel a wave of heat rising in my gut.

“Oh no, not yet,” Gintoki’s fingers wrapped around my cock tightly and I whimpered, my orgasm being denied. He didn’t even stop moving, although his pace was now terribly slow. He hadn’t done this before; usually, it was hot and hard and slightly painful – mainly because of the amount of stamina this guy had, because he could last a really long time and often we did it more than just once. But right at that moment, he delivered just enough stimulation to push me very close to the edge, and yet, it was not enough to let me come. His hand was not squeezing my cock anymore, but he wasn’t touching it at all. With my whole body tingling, I attempted to turn to look at him.

“Gintokiiii…”

“What?” he breathed out, leaning forward and rubbing my nipples over the fabric covering them.

“Hurry,” I was cheaply trying to make him lose interest in this kind of torture. I wanted more, I _needed_ more, faster, rougher. I clenched around him as much as I could in the hopes of him going for it properly.

“Nu-uh,” he shook his head, a smile spreading across his face, although I heard him hold his breath for a moment after my desperate attempt to entice him. “I like seeing you like this, since it’s probably the first time you’re so honest with yourself.” He moved slowly again, eliciting a strained moan from my throat. “Although at this point you have no choice,” he added, licking his lips. “Your body speaks louder than you do.” He scratched my chest, and it felt _good_ with the dress still covering my skin.

“Move already,” I pushed against him. If he wasn’t going to do it, I was.

He let out a surprised laugh, grabbing my hips again – this time, to keep them still. “Don’t do that.”

“You ass,” I shuddered, resting my forehead at the edge of the sink. It felt weird, every time he pushed himself in or pulled back seemed to take ages, and since he was holding my ass in place, I couldn’t really take the initiative and force him to move faster. My dick was throbbing and the inside of my mouth was dry as I was panting heavily. I leaned on my left elbow, and, with my eyes closed, I grabbed my aching erection.

“No,” he bellowed right behind my ear. “You’re not allowed to do this, either.” Changing his movement to shallow, but still painfully slow thrusts, he leaned forward and his hot breath tickled my nape moments before I got bitten again. One of his hands let go of me and right after, I could feel cold air on my back, as he unzipped my dress. He pushed the fabric aside; his lips went slowly down my neck, and I yelped when his teeth grazed my skin. It was then I realised how more and more sensitive I got the longer he dragged it out.

“Let me come,” my voice was ragged and unsteady, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was for him to end this already, this torment was too much for me to take.

He ignored me and began trailing hard bites across my upper back. His hips stopped and I cursed him to the ends of hell in my mind. Something wasn’t right – even if he liked to tease me, that pretty much usually ended once we were connected, and then he’d ram into me like it were the end of the world. This felt wrong. It was pleasant, but wrong and unnerving at the same time.

Again, my forehead touched the edge of the sink. I regretted having come here, I regretted that I couldn’t have just stayed in my flat, I regretted that my body more than welcomed Gintoki’s touch, I regretted ever getting involved with him.

I wanted him.

And I hated that.

I hated that, because I did not want to be dependent on anybody, let alone such a dickwad. His hands stroked me all over, slowly and gently, there was hot breath on my back, and I was surrounded in his heavy scent with a hint of something sweet. I had missed it so much, and yet I never wanted to smell it again.

A high-pitched sound escaped my lips when he suddenly thrusted his hips forward. I didn’t expect him to do that and I just barely caught onto the cabinet as he picked up a quick pace. “That’s a good look on you,” he grabbed my throat and made me lift my head. “See? This is what I like.” He forced his thumb into my mouth.

I groaned when he grabbed my cock and started moving his wrist accordingly. _Finally_ , I thought, although I was still far from satisfied – and, of course, with his finger pressing down on my tongue, I was not very comfortable, either. It went deeper inside my mouth, as Gintoki loomed over me and whispered: “Keep looking. I wanna show you your o-face.”

I made a sound of protest, but couldn’t really say anything, and I didn’t want to know what he’d do if I decided to disobey him. To occupy the toilet much longer wasn’t a good idea either. I didn’t close my eyes, but instead of looking at myself, my gaze was drawn to Gintoki. It was such a rare sight to see his cheeks turn pinkish; I only ever remembered him being paper-pale. He was watching me with eyes narrowed, and when he licked his lips, a new wave of heat swept me away.

I came hard, making mess all over the cabinet.

Of course, that wouldn’t stop him. He continued, and as his eyes slowly closed, his grip on my chin became stronger; I bit down on his thumb. “I’m gonna cum inside, ‘kay?” he said, and before I could properly let him hear my _fuck no_ that echoed through my brain, he buried himself deep in, holding his breath.

For a few moments, we stood completely still, panting heavily.

He let go and pulled out slowly, and as he did, my legs gave in and I slowly fell to my knees, barely holding onto the cabinet, which, although stained with my semen now, turned out to be a saving grace for me.

Gintoki walked over to the toilet and took some of the paper to clean his dick with it. Quietly, he then handed me some while buckling his belt with one hand.

“Get out,” I breathed, backing away from him a little bit. There was not much space to go to, but it was noticeable enough to get through is thick skull.

“Wh—” he hesitated, confusion appearing on his face briefly. “You need to—” he stopped mid-sentence, sighing, and in one swift motion, he pulled me closer.

With what strength I had left, I punched him in the gut. “You obtuse jerk,” I stepped away from him again, leaning onto the cabinet. My legs were still shaking, much like my voice. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

He coughed, then he looked at me, dropping the toilet paper on the floor, and his eyes narrowed. Seeing him smile sent a chill down my spine. He unlocked the door.

Without a single word, he left.

Gritting my teeth, I slowly fixed my clothes, then I picked up the toilet paper he dropped and I cleaned the cabinet the best way I could. My face and my hair were a mess as well, but I didn’t feel like doing anything about it.

I felt like shit. I met Gintoki, and what was worse, I gave in to him and to my lust. There was no excuse, I just went along with what he wanted, because I was horny.

I had sex with a man whom I never wanted to see again. In the restroom.

I didn’t even have the energy to take care of that bastard’s cum leaking from my ass.

When I left the toilet, there was nobody there; I went and found Aya, who helped me fix my face. Then I left Rengokukan with Aya’s assistance so that nobody would see me, but…

 I don’t remember how I got home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't looking good, but I promise, this is a part of the plan.


	20. Choo choo! All aboard the train of "F*ck you"!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm... sorry?

Some days are just not _my_ days.

And some days I just jump headfirst into the biggest beehive I stumble upon.

A day after my encounter with Gintoki, I was on my way home from work, as per usual. The streets were already dark, since I stretched my overtime to the furthest possible reaches, just so I wouldn’t have to think. To be able to focus on work was sheer bliss, especially since when I was not busy, a certain permheaded bastard fully occupied my brain.

The city was silent, and the sky was starless, clouded and heavy; it looked like it was about to rain soon, and even the usual people one could meet out at night were nowhere to be seen. That’s why, even though I should have been cautious, my tired body was asking for rest with great urgency and I was half-asleep as I slowly walked down the street. I didn’t even look up when a group of people in dark clothes ran past me.

Then, I caught a whiff of a devastatingly familiar scent, whipping my senses to full attention. I quickly turned around to see the last person disappear behind a corner. I’d recognise him _anywhere_ , I was subconsciously waiting for any signs of his presence, and I highly doubted anybody this agile in this whole country had a white perm – except for him.

Against my better judgement, I immediately followed, trying not to get noticed. There was seven or eight of them, and they were quickly making their way towards…

… Rengokukan?

… No.

No, but it was close.

They were quick on their feet and I soon began losing them – I was really out of shape. No surprise, considering my daily paperwork routine, but it made me so mad. Clenching my teeth, I sped up, even though I was already out of breath and there was a sharp pain in my side. I had to keep out of sight and as quiet as possible, and they were making it hard for me because they clearly had no intention of stopping. Trying to catch my breath and ignore the discomfort I was in, I pursued further.

This part of Kabuki-cho was unwelcoming. The streets were lit poorly, and since barely anyone would walk outside at this hour, they were eerily silent.

The men ran up to one of the district’s warehouses that I’d always thought were abandoned; most of them had signs on the walls, saying “For sale” or “Do not enter” or “Dangerous area”, because they just didn’t seem to be used, and the tooth of time had been merciless. Everything in and around there was rusty and falling apart.

They quickly went inside and Gintoki closed the metal door.

Gritting my teeth, I crept around it in the hopes I’d find another way in. I heard voices from behind the thin wall, but I was not able to make out what they were saying. While I was trying to keep silent, I wondered why the fuck I was there playing Indians even though I should have been at home, getting ready for bed. The adrenaline rush had dissipated by that point in time and my fatigue returned with the force of a thrown boomerang. My limbs were sending signals I refused to listen to. My reason, seeing I was sticking with this insanity, threw in the towel and took a paid holiday.

I just _really_ wanted to know what Gintoki had been up to the whole time.

Eventually, I found a hole big enough for me to fit through. The edges were tetanus hazard materialized and I hesitated a great deal before I clenched my teeth and held my breath, slowly and carefully going in. My clothes were bound to be absolutely ruined after this adventure, I realised that far too well as I crawled on my stomach forward, inch by inch. It was dark inside, though there was a single light flickering above their heads - it wasn't providing enough light. The men on the opposite side of the warehouse had some flashlights, and their attention was directed away from me. Taking that as a good sign, I crouched by some crates and made my way a little closer so that I would be able to hear. 

I recognised some of the voices.

Gintoki.

Katsura.

The guy with the annoying laughter.

And… Hasegawa?

The others were unfamiliar, and there was more of them – probably had a rendezvous with Gintoki’s group in here.

“I don’t get it, boss.” What the fuck was Hasegawa doing here? Also, why did he just call Gintoki that?!

Gintoki huffed and rubbed his forehead. “Look,” he said, “I’ll simplify. We take this,” he pointed to something I couldn’t see behind the crates, “bring it to the truck, drive it to where it’s supposed to be, place it and get the fuck out of there before that nest of rats wakes up and ends us.”

“Okay, but,” Hasegawa objected, but Gintoki was not listening to him anymore.

“Zura.”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura. What?”

“Where’s Takasugi?” There was impatience in Gintoki’s voice. “We can’t leave without him, that’d piss him off.”

“He said he was coming,” Katsura said hesitantly. “He didn’t say anything about being late. And he’d send a text if anything went wrong, so he’s probably on the way.”

“Damnit. ‘Kay, guys – before Takasugi shows up, let’s have a piss break,” Gintoki made himself comfortable atop of a crate nearby – closer to me than I’d prefer. “Ya ain’t gonna have any time for that once we’re on the way.”

General mumbling echoed throughout the group, and some of the men slowly turned to head for the exit. Katsura sat next to Gintoki, and I was surprised by the tidal wave of jealousy that suddenly swept me off my feet. I nearly gave myself away. For fuck’s sake. I was supposed to be done with him, I shouldn’t have had any reason for this kind of feelings. Biting my lip, I pressed close to the crate, hoping to conceal myself in the shadow.

Gintoki was quiet, staring at the shades beneath the roof. He seemed strangely down, unusually enough for me to notice this from afar. Katsura scooted a little closer and a vein popped up on my forehead.

“Forget about it,” Katsura said, gently nudging Gintoki’s side.

“Shut up.”

“It’s not worth it, and if you get distracted, you might die.”

“I said shut up. Even if he’s outta my reach, I ain’t gonna bed you anyway. Don’t wanna. It would be weird, I’ve known you since we were brats. Don’t fuck with me.”

Katsura clicked his tongue, getting up. “Well… remember what I told you earlier, if you change your mind,” he threw over his shoulder and left. Gin was left alone for a good while, until Hasegawa made his way towards him again.

“I might be stupid, but…” he started, then hesitated.

“Hmm?”

“What is this whole thing for? I mean, it’s explosives, right? Explosives.” Hasegawa gestured towards the thing they were talking about earlier.

“You… Madao. How did you even get hired?” Gintoki ruffled his hair, then looked up at Hasegawa. “The thing is, we cause a distraction. It’s not a major deal, these bombs are about as strong as fireworks. Louder, though. Lot of smelly smoke and noise. Long fuses. We play a prank on them on one side, so they pay less attention on the other. Make sense?”

“Okay, but why?”

“Because, ya dolt,” there was a pause, as Gintoki sighed heavily, “there’s a… you _really_ don’t know?”

“I’m sorry, Gin-san, but I really…”

“Ugh. My head hurts,” Gintoki’s shoulders sagged. “I’ll explain on the way, ‘kay? Let me rest a bit. We’re leaving soon, anyway—”

“Gintoki!”

Said one groaned, looking at Katsura who was coming back, meeting Hasegawa, who was just leaving, halfway. “ _What_?” he barked out, and his black-haired friend stopped abruptly.

“I,” he said, and he was visibly shivering, “I can’t find Elizabeth.”

“You brought your fucking duck here?!” the silvernette was clearly upset about something entirely else. No surprise.

“I can’t leave her home alone, she’d be sad!” Katsura’s voice cracked.

“For heaven’s sake, it’s a few hours! She won’t die, you idiot.” Gintoki sighed and was about to get down from the crate. “Where’s the last you saw her?”

_Quack._

My blood froze. Not even six feet from me was a small shadow and that now moved towards the light. My heartbeat was instantly at a critical rate, if they were to find me, I was likely dead. Not only that, but if I got caught, I was surely not going to find out the details, which so far had been terribly scarce, and since I went through all this trouble for information, my efforts would be wasted if I left while I had the chance. I pressed even closer towards the crate and remained unmoving, holding my breath.

“Elizabeth!” Katsura leapt towards the duck that trotted its way to them, and he landed next to it face-first in the dust. I glanced at Gintoki, who watched his friend catch the duck with slight amusement. Thankfully enough, Katsura was blind to anything but the duck, as he grabbed it and brought it back to Gintoki’s crate.

“I was so worried.” An expression of sheer bliss appeared on Katsura’s face.

“I’m more worried there’s something wrong with your head.” Gintoki didn’t budge when my rival sat down by his side. I clenched my teeth when Katsura leaned on Gintoki; it was not much, but I could see that bastard take my place far too easily anyway.

I was jealous like never before, although I should not have been.

God damnit.

And Gintoki didn’t push him away, god damnit.

“Don’t worry about it,” Katsura’s voice had a reassuring tone.

“I told you to shut up, didn’t I?” Gintoki responded, but the edge from before was gone.

“Come on,” Katsura continued, not minding the curses I was silently sending in his direction. “I’m a much better match. You know I’d never abandon you, like he did. Plus I could suck you off anytime you’d like.”

Talking about me? Just how much did he know from Gintoki? Also I was _not_ the one at fault. Well, maybe a little bit, but Gintoki’s guilt far outweighed mine.

“You’re pushing it,” Gintoki swatted away the hand that sneaked ‘round his waist.

It was at that moment that somebody grabbed a fistful of my hair and pressed cold metal to my throat. In such a situation, I would have to be insane to resist too hard, and so I got dragged into the light.

“Found a spy,” that someone announced from behind my back, and the two of them turned to look at us. “What do we do with him?”

“Taka—” the rest of that sentence froze on Gintoki’s lips. He hesitated, then jumped off of the crate and made his way towards me, a dark expression on his face. I saw Katsura run off to somewhere with his duck, and I didn’t care in the slightest.

Gintoki stood before me, bitter anger in his pallid face. He grabbed my chin strongly, taking a deep breath. I expected him to yell at me, I expected him to question me, I expected him to say something. But he only stared at me, his face unreadable in the shades of the warehouse.

Then, he let go.

“Do whatever you want,” he turned away. My throat clenched, and it wasn’t because I was worried what might happen to me. It was because of the _disinterest_ in his words. I opened my mouth, but I closed it again without a sound.

“Oh?” Takasugi’s hand ran down my neck. It was cold and unpleasant – and I grunted in pain as his knuckle suddenly buried deep in my neck muscles. I have no idea what he pressed there, but I could feel my whole body giving in. “Thanks, then.”

I slid to the floor, and Takasugi knelt next to me, slipping a bandana over my eyes. Soon after, there was also a gag over my mouth, and someone’s suspiciously skilled hands were binding my irresponsive hands behind my back.

“Put him here and let’s go,” I heard and I shivered; it was Gintoki again. It hurt to hear him not care in the slightest, although it seemed moments ago like I still had a chance.

I slowly realised that more than being interested in Gintoki’s shady business, I simply wanted to get back to his side.

They lifted me up and carried me a few steps, then there was a sound of wood sliding on wood and they dumped me in a crate. I could hear it close above my head, and their voices slowly faded in the distance.

Eventually, being unable to move and terribly exhausted, I slipped into some sort of nightmarish sleep, being forced to spend a night while wondering what kind of fate might tomorrow bring.


	21. The beast held in captivity needs to be fed, you dolt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll!

When I woke up, I still couldn’t see a thing. The blindfold was covering my eyes, so I could only rely on my other senses.

I was not in the crate anymore, the rough wood on which I’d hit my head before had disappeared. My bound wrists were underneath me, as I was lying on my back, and they were in close contact with a soft sheet – even so, I could feel my hands getting numb due to the position I was in. My shirt had been taken off, and so were my trousers – for what reason, I didn’t want to question. I was in my boxers only, and when I attempted to move a little bit, I found that one of my legs had a cuff on it. It clinked silently. They’d taken off the gag, but it must have been very recent; my mouth still ached.

The smell of dust and old rotting wood was gone, too. Instead, it was replaced by an unfamiliar smell of someone’s room. There was a clock ticking nearby, and I could hear voices, although faintly. I couldn’t tell what they were talking about.

With heart heavy, I considered my options and what might possibly happen. I couldn’t very well just get off the bloody bed and run, of course, and I doubted that Takasugi was kind or careless enough to let me go. I didn’t know him, but considering how vicious Gintoki could be, I figured his friends would be about the same. I probably couldn’t talk my way out of this, either, because I’d always been terrible with words, and lately, the trouble I had with communication, well… If I tried talking to him, I’d probably only make things worse.

… Was it even Takasugi whose place I was at? What if… I shuddered. He did seem happy to hear that it was okay to do anything he wanted. My heartbeat picked up an alarming pace. For one, I knew that they couldn’t have moved me without my knowledge – unless they drugged me. I would wake up for sure. Plus, now that I was fully awake, my head began throbbing in pain.

How long could I have been unconscious?

What if they sold me?

What if I’m going to be killed for organs?

My throat clenched.

There were footsteps and I quickly relaxed as much as possible, given the circumstances, as I pretended to be still asleep.

The door clicked and opened. “I have the map in the drawer,” somebody said. It was a woman, and I knew her voice. _Aya?_ “I don’t like that you guys think you can use my place as you like just because my husband is your… business partner. He’s the only reason why I’m helping you, too. As far as I am concerned, you mean nothing to me. Worse, you did _that_.” There was a moment of silence and I only could figure she turned towards me, judging from the way her voice echoed.

“I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell Hiroki. It won’t take long, I promise.” That was Takasugi.

“Well, whatever, I suppose. I rarely use this flat anyway. But,” she paused and when she spoke again, her tone was threatening, “should anything happen, you’re going to have to deal with me. And then, most likely, my husband. Neither of us take kindly to people who hurt our own. Understand?”

Takasugi let out a short laugh. “Don’t worry, don’t worry.”

They left again, closing the door, and I took a deep breath. It was oddly touching – Aya said she and Hiroki considered me “one of their own”. Her opinion of me was likely the same as her husband’s, even if it was just a matter of principle. Even though she didn’t really try to rescue me, I didn’t feel as bad anymore.

Suddenly, something lightly touched my cheek. My heart skipped a beat. Someone’s hand slowly went down to my neck, fingers wrapped around it briefly, then they let go, and I heard that person’s shaky breath. Whoever that was, they’d been completely silent the entire time they were in that room, and I had no idea since when. Did they come in with Aya? Or had they been next to me even before I came to?

The hand made its way to my chest, and I clenched my teeth when a fingernail nicked my nipple. It was definitely on purpose – that person repeated it a few times, perhaps to see if I was awake. The bed creaked silently as they leaned closer, and I caught a whiff of shampoo that I didn’t recall smelling before. Fingertips trailed down to my crotch, and without hesitation, that hand groped me shamelessly.

The mattress sank, as they leaned on their elbow next to me. A whisper tickled me in my ear. “I know you’re awake.”

“Gintoki?!” I blurted out, thinking for a moment that it was him – _hoping_ it was him. It _sounded_ kind of like him, but there was no response. Instead, the man slipped his hand under the fabric of my boxers. I inhaled sharply, my eyes wide open under the blackness of the blindfold.

If only I could get him to say something. I wanted to know whether it was Gintoki or somebody else. If Takasugi&Co made me a plaything to some pervert I’ve never met… I’d rather be sold off for organs. Or I’d bite my tongue and die. There was _one_ guy whose touch I wanted, the others could as well go fuck themselves.

I gritted my teeth when he thumbed strongly over the tip of my now erect dick. Even though this was something I disliked, my body would happily react to it.

The door opened and the man clicked his tongue, letting go and leaving me like that, with my cock out. I rolled over to my side and curled up, since it was the only sensible thing I could do.

“Why, you…” It was Aya again, and by the sound of her voice, she was rather displeased. “I’ve prepared your suit, so get moving. And next time, leave him alone, the poor bastard.”

“Understood.” Again, kind of like Gintoki, and yet, so much unlike Gintoki. This voice was fuller, a little deeper, it was enchanting, and sweet like liquid honey.

“You’re living the role, huh?” Aya clapped shortly, then sighed. “Get out before I change my mind about this whole thing.”

The door clicked, although I didn’t hear his footsteps. That guy moved like a ghost.

“You alright?” Aya stepped closer and I could feel her hands untying my blindfold. I blinked into the blinding light, narrowing my eyes so I could see at least a little. Aya was standing there, leaning to me, dressed in an evening gown of dark shades. She was wearing make-up and sparkly earrings, and had an up-do; there was a tiara in her hair. Overall, she looked gorgeous – although she normally never wore anything flashy like this. Suddenly, I could see why Hiroki melted whenever he saw her.

I turned red in the face when she reached down and fixed my boxers. Taking a deep breath, I decided not to address it, and instead, I asked: “Where… is this place?”

“You’re in my flat that I barely use, since I usually stay with Hiroki. This is where I grew up. It’s not much, pretty barren… but you’ll manage.” She shook her head, glancing towards the door.

“Hold on, I don’t want to _manage_ ,” I objected, struggling in my bonds. “Why am I here in the first place?”

“That I don’t know,” her shoulders sagged. “That guy with the glass eye stormed into my shop, saying he needs this place for a few days. Since he’s with the Shiroyasha’s group, I didn’t refuse. Then, they brought you in here… Of course, I didn’t want to agree to it, but—”

“Few days?!” Cold sweat poured over my body. “That can’t—I need to go to work! I’ve finally gotten back on track! Could you, maybe… help me?” The last sentence was only muttered, as my stupid pride got in the way. Nevertheless, she heard me perfectly.

“I’ll see what I can do, but don’t put too much faith into me. First of all, regardless of what they asked of me, I need to make sure that my husband doesn’t learn about this. Never, preferably. It would cause too much trouble to everybody involved. Had I known, I would have never gotten dragged into this myself – and that way, Hiroki and I could help you. This is… unpleasant. For you, too, I understand. For now, stay put, okay?”

I hesitated, then nodded reluctantly. “So… Why are you dressed like this?”

“There’s a… an event I need to attend,” she avoided my eyes. “I shouldn’t say any more.” Reaching behind me, she untied my wrists, too. I sat up and rubbed them, watching the cuff around my ankle.

“Could you get that off my leg?” I looked at her after a moment.

“I don’t have the key. And if you’re thinking of running, remember that you’re almost naked, and are at a woman’s place. Our bodies are different, I’m sure none of the few pieces of clothing I have here for emergency cases would fit you. I could try to get you some, but that would probably take at least a day.”

“I’ll be counting on you, then,” I flopped onto my back, stretching my arms.

Aya chuckled. “Alright.” She was about to say something else, but a car honk from the outside interrupted her. She got up. “I need to go now.” After taking a few steps towards the door, she turned back. “The chain should be long enough for you to walk about, and to get to the bathroom and such. I’m really sorry I can’t help you right away. This is politics, you know?” she gave an ironic smile and finally left.

“Later,” I told the closed door, then I glanced around. Like Aya said, there was not much to see in there. A bed, a bedside table, a closet, a lamp. That was all.

And I was alone.

And I still didn’t know if it _was_ Gintoki. Sure, it kind of felt like him, but at the same time it didn’t. Maybe I just thought it was him because I wished for that. And… why would Aya prepare a suit for that permhead? I couldn’t even imagine that lazy piece of shit in a suit. I had no idea what was going on. If it was him, what the hell was his deal? And if it wasn’t him – then what the hell was that guy’s deal? Aya didn’t tell me much and left in a hurry before I could ask. She wanted to tell me something before she left, too.

And she was the only person who could help me out of this mess, since Hiroki was not in on this. And Gintoki? He didn’t care anymore. Why would he? On purpose, I went against every single thing he said. And when he was upset about it, I was just a dick to him instead of being reasonable. And it didn’t really matter that I had been in denial at that time.

And although I wanted to reconcile, I knew it was pointless. There was no reason for him to listen – and even if he did lend an ear, what would I say? That I lied? That I wanted him to accept me? That I wanted to be by his side? That I would be okay with humiliation, if it were him? That I wanted him to make a mess out of me? That I loved him?

Hell no.

I couldn’t say it. I’d sooner die than manage to say the L-word. The other stuff, maybe. Perhaps. Perhaps If I had some alcohol before that.

But he wouldn’t listen.

I got up, stretching. I felt sore, and I was kind of cold. All in all, I figured that a shower was not a bad idea. Before that, though, I peeked out from the window. It was dark outside, but the lamps were providing enough light for me to see that the area seemed kind of familiar.

Slowly, I made my way to the shower. It didn’t take me much time to find in such a tiny place. There was shampoo in there, and a towel. Good. I took off my boxers, dragged them down the chain a bit so they wouldn’t get wet, and I got in the stall. The water was warm, and it was like heaven for my sore body.

The shampoo smelled the same way that pervert did. I shuddered; although remembering it made me sick, I recalled his touch. After I had rinsed my hair, I should have gotten out, but… eh, whatever. I was alone and he did weird stuff to me. Weird stuff that made me think of Gintoki.

With the water still gently caressing my skin, I reached between my legs. Biting my lip, I grabbed my dick to get a quick release.

I really wanted to.

But I couldn’t cum, and after a few minutes, I didn’t even feel like it anymore.

Gritting my teeth, I got out, dried myself, and with my penis still kind of hard, I wore my boxers. Dispirited, I dragged myself back to the bedroom. I lied down, but I wasn’t tired, so I just made myself as comfortable as possible and pondered.

Gintoki’s way of handling me yesterday… or was it two days ago? … was extremely infuriating, but I wanted him to touch me again. His hands etched a permanent mark into my soul, his teeth went deeper than just the skin. He scarred my heart and put a collar ‘round my neck, and I hated feeling restricted. Like a captured beast, I fought my way to freedom, not knowing I would soon miss him to the point of it being painful.

I wondered if, perhaps… if we had a better start, or met under different circumstances… or if I simply weren’t—correction, if the two of us weren’t complete asses to one another… what would it had been like? Would we had developed a relationship? An actual one, not built on insults, threats and secrets?

Would we… properly date? Go to the movies or something? Eat together? We hadn’t really sat down to just eat together. I knew he liked sweet stuff, but what kind of sweet stuff? Maybe red bean paste. Or ice cream.

I rolled over and chuckled bitterly. I was getting delusional – to have a normal relationship with that jerk was simply not possible.

For me, it was not even possible to have a relationship with him.

Although, after all the times we clashed, I kind of wanted to.

I wanted to know more so that I could help him and be there for him, should he need it. I wanted to know more because I was interested. I wanted to go to a cheap restaurant and watch him stuff his face with something I probably wouldn’t eat, and argue about tastes. I wanted to sit down with him to watch a drama at six, or even go to the fricking movies. And, even fall asleep next to each other without doing anything, dammit.

I was doomed.

I longed for him so badly.

In the first place, there had been nothing to us than rough sex. Now that there was no _us_ to speak of, what means could I possibly use to get his attention?

And – what was I willing to sacrifice? There was not much to sacrifice, but if I were to throw away the last bits of my pride, would he look at me again…? Would he walk away, disappointed – or worse, disgusted?

He said he loved me.

Did he lie? Maybe he didn’t, sure, but what the fuck did he like about me then? There was nothing left after he got under my skin. Whenever we collided – because to call such occasions _meetings_ would be like calling wrestling a hug. It’s kind of true for the most part, but it’s certainly an understatement… Well, whenever we collided, he exposed anything and everything he wanted to see.

Also his way of expressing affection – if it _was_ affection, anyway – was wrong beyond measure.

But… if he hadn’t done all that, he wouldn’t get anywhere near me, let alone close enough for us to…

Crap.

I rolled onto my stomach. I was hard. Again, I got hard thinking of him. And I figured that, again, I wouldn’t be able to satisfy myself. Not to mention I had only one pair of clean underwear – the one that I was wearing.

My stomach growled and I curled up. There wasn’t even a blanket.

I was cold.

It was going to be one long night.


	22. Where there he is, there are trouble

I hadn’t slept. Morning came along with heavy rain and I was awake the whole night. I had a headache, I was cold because I had nothing to cover myself up with, and I was so hungry I couldn’t think straight. Multiple times, I thought of just breaking the chain with something and escaping, but I couldn’t. For three reasons. I had nothing to break it with, I would have to find my way home almost naked, and I was worried I would cause Aya trouble.

At least until I was sure whether she actually wanted to help me or not, I was going to stay put.

At about six o’clock, I got up and went to the kitchen to drink some tap water. I would prefer coffee, but there was nothing in the whole flat to drink or eat. Not even a bread crumb, although I would have expected at least cup noodles. With a glass of water in my hand, I made my way back, chain dragging behind me like a tail.

Just when I was about to sit down onto the bed, I heard keys unlocking the front door. There were voices, and I heard Takasugi say: “Wait here, I’ll just check if he’s sleeping.”

“Do you have the countermeasure?” That was the pervert from yesterday.

“I do, I do, don’t worry. Although, I have to say… it’s so weird when you talk like that. I mean, I get the situation, but it kind of feels wrong.” Takasugi’s voice got gradually louder as he walked closer; the door of my room opened and he peeked in. Seeing me sitting on the bed, he announced: “He’s awake.”

Only now, I got a better look. He was a bit shorter than I thought he was, a dark-haired man with a strange look in his eyes. As he stepped closer, brushing away the hair that covered the left half of his face, I recalled Aya mentioning a friend of Gintoki’s with a glass eye. Takasugi’s left eye was odd, and I knew why. While he wasn’t unattractive, he was freaking me out. Somehow, the vibe he had was worse than Gintoki’s.

He was wearing a suit and there was a bag in his hand. He dropped it on the floor and started rummaging through it, then finally pulled out a black strap of cloth. Without a word, he handed it to me.

I stared at him blankly, not wanting to play their game.

He shook his head and dropped the blindfold at my feet, and then, ostentatiously ignoring me, he began changing. I watched his hands, as he pulled a purple yukata with yellow butterflies out of the bag.

“Well, this is better. Now,” he turned to me as he tied his obi, “be good and take the blindfold.”

“Why?”

“For safety reasons.” He stepped closer and touched my shoulder. “Should you escape, my friend in the next room might be in danger.” His finger was slowly sliding along my collarbone. “Right, Mr. Policeman?”

“How did you—Ah. Okay.” I didn’t finish my sentence, because I realised the reason why he knew my profession, and probably my real name as well. Of course he’d know. I had my stuff with me when I was being stupid and sneaked in the warehouse to eavesdrop. They probably found it on the ground near the hole through which I’d crawled in, and they would have to be complete idiots not to check.

Or maybe Gintoki told them. That wouldn’t be too weird either, since a), they were his friends, and b), if he didn’t care anymore, he had no reason to keep it secret from them.

He leaned closer and I backed away a little on reflex. I could see a lot more of his skin than I’d have preferred. “Wear it.”

“No.”

“I’ll make you.”

“No.” I was insistent on that. No way, it was about half past six and I was cold and hungry, at least take care of that if you’re going to keep me captive, dammit!

The door opened again, and my eyebrows nearly touched as I frowned. Katsura. He was not wearing a suit, but he had a duck under his arm and his getup was just about as ridiculous as when I saw him last time.

He eyed the two of us, his sight rested on my face with apparent disdain, and he didn’t say a word. Neither did I nor Takasugi – and in that silence, my stomach decided it was the best time to growl. Loudly.

I turned red, Takasugi gave an amused smirk and Katsura rolled his eyes. “I’ll whip up some food, so wear that stupid blindfold,” he said and left again with the duck under his arm wiggling.

“Right, and I’ll hurt myself while eating,” I muttered. I was surprised, though – either Katsura planned to poison me, or something must have happened. The look of hostility in his eyes was genuine, no doubt – things still probably weren’t working out with Gintoki.

And I shouldn’t have felt glad about that.

“If you’re so clumsy, maybe we need to starve you for a few more days, so that you stop complaining? You might even learn how to eat without being able to see. And you might turn more obedient, too.” Takasugi tilted his head thoughtfully and I briefly held my breath, because I somehow knew he was not joking. He held up the blindfold.

I hesitated a great deal, but he didn’t move; we were probably like that for a few minutes. Then, I huffed, took the cloth and tied it over my eyes. There was no point in fighting them, not if my escape plan was still one big great unknown – I would have to be immensely stupid to think they’d just let it slide if I got too rebellious. I decided to just clench my teeth and bear it, since as long as I wasn’t getting hurt, I should be fine. Humiliation, that I could take, but once I was free, I was going to pay them back. Tenfold.

Takasugi chuckled. “Good boy.”

The door opened again and I heard somebody enter. A waft of delicious smell hit my nose.

“Takasugi, come and help. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t eaten anything yet and the sooner it’s done, the better.” Katsura sounded kind of impatient.

“Well, I did have some food at the banquet, but okay.”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but I’ll make you do something else then. Just because you were there and I was waiting for you in the car with Sakamoto, doesn’t mean you get to laze around like _someone_ I know.”

“Leave him, he’s exhausted. I’ll help.” I heard them both leave.

Sighing, I flopped onto my back. I was still cold, but the promise of warm food coming my way made me feel much better. I would like a smoke, too, but that was seemingly an impossible dream.

Strange captivity I was in, though. Since Gintoki said it was okay to do whatever, I expected the worst. Instead, I was just… there. Although I was experiencing discomfort, it wasn’t terrible. As long as I was obedient, anyway. There was Takasugi, who, although he was threatening, didn’t do _anything_ since he caught me in the warehouse. Then, there was Katsura, who clearly hated me, but he didn’t do anything either. I would have expected him to at least hit me with the level of hatred he expressed when he saw me, but nothing happened.

Then, there was the pervert. I honestly _wanted_ to think it was Gintoki, but I also had the feeling that if it _were_ him, he would have fucked my brains out already. But… Gintoki wouldn’t be here.

And there was Aya, who promised to try and help. I was kind of ashamed that I didn’t trust her completely. It might have been because of Hiroki, who had kept me in the dark – I still hadn’t quite recovered from that, although it’d been so long since then.

“You wanna eat?” the door opened again, and my mouth began salivating at the amazingly good smell of food. Afraid that I would actually drool, I just nodded, gulping. A pair of chopsticks and a bowl were shoved in my hands. It was just fried rice, but I felt like I hadn’t eaten in years.

“I got some mayo for free when I was buying the ingredients, but none of us eats it,” Katsura said, poking my face with the package. “Want it?”

With my mouth full of rice, I hummed in agreement. If this food was poisoned, then I wanted to die on full stomach, and a bit of mayonnaise was a good addition to my last meal. If it was not poisoned, hell yeah I wanted mayonnaise.

I placed the bowl between my knees so that I would know where it was, and I ripped the package of mayo open with my teeth. Then, I poured the yellowish goodness over my meal. Even if I couldn’t see it, I knew it had to be good.

Happily, I stuffed my face with food. I heard Katsura leave and I didn’t give two shits.

The door opened again and somebody else entered. They didn’t say a word, but the bed next to me sank a little bit, as they sat nearby. I figured it had to be the pervert, the others would probably say something.

He let me eat until my bowl was empty enough for me to have trouble with finding what was left in it. Then, he carefully took it from my hands and set it somewhere. His fingers grabbed my chin and he tilted my head up a little. I felt his breath on my lips before he licked the corner of my mouth. I might have had some mayo there, or a grain of rice; it took me all my willpower not to punch him. I stayed still and irresponsive, though, and I heard him click his tongue.

He pushed me down onto my back and I clenched my teeth in the expectations of him doing something weird again. He knelt over me and lied down, the heavy bastard, burying his face into my nape. And then – nothing happened. Eventually, I noticed his breathing got calm and regular.

He fell asleep on top of me.

My throat clenched. Through the heavy scent of cologne he was soaked in, I could smell a slightly familiar tone that made my heart ache. As though I was dreaming, I slowly reached up and lightly touched his hair with my fingertips.

Curls. A bit tamed, perhaps for whatever banquet they went to last night, but…

My heart skipped a beat.

Suddenly, I was glad I didn’t have to say a word, seeing as I would be unable to. It _was_ Gintoki, it had to be. But he didn’t want me to know that it was him. There was the blindfold, plus he barely spoke when I was around; whenever he came near me, he did his best to avoid acting like he normally did, and he masked the natural way he smelled, too. He was not stupid and knew that my senses would be alerted by the fact I couldn’t see him.

He tried to avoid recognition at any cost.

I remembered how he said he would lock me up. It almost made me laugh. He did it after all.

Briefly, I wondered whether I should take off the blindfold and confirm my gut feeling, but I decided not to. I was sure it was him.

My hands itched to hug him, and at the same time, I had a strong urge to knee him in the nuts. I didn’t want to wake him, though, and so I just stayed still, hoping that time would stop. Listening to his breath, I was strangely content.

I knew I had to play his game, though. Maybe if I showed him that I didn’t want to be with anybody else, maybe then he’d let me return to his side.

I chuckled bitterly. I was like a teenager, blindly wanting the one guy who made his way into my life, but that was his fault. He made me dependent on himself, and although I knew that far too well, I was long beyond saving.

I really wished I could kiss him.

The door opened again and I heard Takasugi’s voice. “Get up.” Takasugi kicked the bed.

“Don’t wanna.” Definitely Gintoki, there was no mistaking it at this point.

“You’ve got your own bed to sleep in.”

“Ugh.” Reluctantly, he got off me and yawned, then I heard him leave.

Takasugi sat down next to me. “You can take the blindfold off now.”

I did so slowly, looking at him. “Hey,” I started, handing the cloth back to him. “I—” My voice got stuck in my throat. I found it difficult to talk about Gintoki, and Takasugi with his dead eye was not making it any easier. He stared me down, and I didn’t know where to begin.

“You know,” he leaned closer, “it’s kind of convenient to have you here.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“There’s no point in beating around the bush, I suppose. I know you noticed it’s Gintoki, blindfold or not. He’s dumb enough to think he’s fooling you, but I can see with one eye more than he sees with two. I also know you know that Katsura is after Gintoki, and that is kind of a pain, since I’ve wanted Katsura for years. The fact Gintoki is obsessed with you is making things easier. But,” his finger poked my cheek, “I need you to cooperate with me. You get something out of this, too, right?”

I hesitated. What Takasugi said was unexpected. I knew I couldn’t rely on him, but… “What do you want me to do?”

He cracked a smile, patting my shoulder. “Wait for the evening. I’m taking you where he is then.”


	23. Somehow you're still alive, congrats. What're you gonna do about it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm also still alive. I just didn't feel like posting this, because I feel like it's the shittiest chapter by far. I needed to get it out of the way, though, since I've already re-written it once an all that. The next one is gonna be better, I promise. Probably. I'll try, anyway.
> 
> I suck at action scenes. Dammit. That, right there, is why there's so little of them in this fic.

I was standing by the door, watching the room cautiously. Takasugi came for me after dark and brought me to a really expensive hotel to a party of some sort. I would never come to such a posh occasion by myself, and even now, under Takasugi's surveillance, I felt terribly out of place. From what he told me, it was some idol's birthday party, and I recognised a lot of famous faces in the crowd. I even spotted Matsudaira-san, Kondo-san's boss, and that was not a good thing.

That way, one more person was added to the list of people I had to avoid at any cost. Takasugi had given me instructions and warnings, but he also gave me an ear-piece and most importantly a gun, which was now hidden under the suit he lent me. My hands were sweating and I wished for nothing more than to up and leave. I couldn't, though, for several reasons.

I looked around, making sure there's nothing suspicious. While Takasugi proved himself to be a poisonous prick, there was a few points in his plan that I had to agree with.

First of all, he informed me that they were guarding the place, and considering how sensitive a matter it was, they were short-handed. He promised to get one more trustworthy person to watch one of the entrances (and of course Gintoki had no idea that person was me). That made sense, because even though it was a private party, there were tons of people. Well-known people who needed protecting.

Secondly, I learnt they were expecting a stalker to show up. That would certainly be troublesome, considering I knew who it was. We'd had a brief encounter before, and I was in charge of paperwork for his unbelievably infuriating case.

We got an anonymous tip that he had raped and killed his own child, and I clearly remembered his smug expression when they told him he's free to go due to lack of evidence; the child wasn't registered in any papers, it legally never existed, and the corpse was never found. Even so, I had a gut feeling that we were careless, that he really was such a person.

I didn't care which strings he pulled, I wanted to make sure something like that wouldn't happen again. Therefore, this was personal in more ways than one.

Another of the good points Takasugi had made was that if I proved myself useful, Gintoki could let me come back to his side. It was a weak straw of hope to hold onto, but it was something I could hope for nonetheless.

The one thing that cast a shadow over that was the fact Takasugi told me we're to 'dispose' of the stalker. I was in no way ready to kill anyone.

My last reason to listen to Takasugi's demand was surprisingly simple - I did not have a death wish. He didn't say anything concrete, but he did make it clear that either I do as told and maybe win Gintoki back, or I face the inevitable  consequences.

Considering I didn't know who or what these guys really were, I would be a fool not to comply.

“What are you doing here?”

A voice came from behind me, a voice I recognised. Crap. Swallowing hard, I slowly turned around.

“... Aya.”

She was surprised, and in her bemused expression I clearly read that such a surprise was far from pleasant.

I sighed. “... I'm on Takasugi's leash. Talk to him about this, I don't know how much I can say.”

She pursed her lips and folded her arms on her chest. “What is he planning?”

“I don't know,” I shook my head. “You'd better talk to him instead. I won't leave this place, don't worry. I don’t intend to cause any trouble.”

Aya clicked her tongue. “Alright, I'll talk to him. But... be careful, okay? Hiroki is around here as well, so don't let him see you. It would raise questions neither you nor I have the answers for.”

“Why would he be here?” I tilted my head in confusion.

“He adores this idol.” Aya gave a slight smile. “He paid for this party, you know? He's simply too big of a fan. I'm only here as his plus one.”

I briefly wondered if she was jealous of the idol, but she did not seem to be. Weird if anything, but from what I knew about their relationship, Hiroki was a lucky one to have married such a woman. “I'm going to do as told,” I shrugged my shoulders. “Since that's clearly the only thing I'd get credit for.”

“Alright. Stay alert.” She patted my shoulder and left.

It was at that moment I heard a hearty laughter. I turned to find the source, and was caught off guard by the sight. Gintoki was on the opposite side of the room, talking to a cute girl in flashy dress. I knew her from TV, it was Otsuu, a rising star in the heaven of idols, and he was talking to her with an expression I had never seen on him before.

As I watched on silently, I'd completely forgotten about my mission, the reason I was there, Takasugi and his death threats, and the stalker. There was only one thing I knew for sure and could focus on: I longed to be held by this man, I was itching to be touched, wanted to feel these hands on my skin. It was likely not to be, an unreachable dream, but at the mere thought my mouth began salivating.

There was not a less appropriate time not to focus on the task at hand.

He stood next to some other woman and he seemed like he was having fun. A stab of jealousy pierced my heart. Why was it he looked so good next to other people? Why couldn't it be I at his side?

I clenched my fists and looked away. Such a scene was something I didn't want to witness.

Thankfully, the fact I happened to look to my left saved me. Not too far from me, I spotted my target. He was looking at Otsuu-chan with a displeased expression; it kind of upset me that he fit in better than I did. Gritting my teeth, I pressed the alarm I was given by Takasugi, and I approached our target.

“I beg you pardon,” I said, hoping to avoid suspicion from his side. “Could I ask you to follow me?”

“What for?” he didn't look at me. I was in luck. If he were to recognise me, my plan might go down the drain with a snap of the fingers.

“We need to double-check the invitations. It seems somebody forged theirs to get in.” I just made that up, but at that point, anything worked for me, as long as I managed to distract him.

“Well then, take it and stop bothering me,” he reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, and turned to me.

His eyes widened.

Yup, he remembered my face for sure.

It might be because I was around when Sougo flew off the handle and threatened to make him eat his own balls. There was not a single person among us who wouldn’t love to see this guy _at least_ behind the bars. To let this scum roam freely was just not right.

He had enough common sense not to make a ruckus, and he was dumb enough to not call for help. If he did, I would have been fucked sideways in the ear with a cactus, since I wasn’t supposed to be at the party either – but he didn’t know that. He backed away, and out into the hallway with me following him – then he made a break for it, rushing towards the elevator. I ran right after.

Thank the heavens, he was so stupid. He had a small head-start, but I knew the elevator was not going to work in his favour. Had he taken the emergency stairs, it might have turned into an unpleasant chase, but he didn’t. I didn’t even have to use the gun, and that was for the best.

I caught up to him at the door, and tackled him down before the door opened; I pinned him to the floor, twisting his arm behind his back. He was a dangerous bastard, I wasn’t going to let him flee.

For a few heartbeats, as I was trying to catch my breath, I wondered if it wee better to just shoot this guy dead. Instead of that, though, I reached up to my ear. “Takasugi?” I said. “You hear me?”

 _“Yeah?”_ his voice crackled. Bad reception. Whatever.

“I got him. We’re at the elevator.”

 _“Copy._ ”

I pressed harder down on the stalker’s arm, enough for him to grunt in pain. I was not going to kill him, but they probably were, and I kind of hoped it was going to be longer than just getting shot. He was struggling under me, but I knew I didn’t have to hold him down for long.

Soon, Takasugi and a few other guys I’d never seen came marching my way.

I handed the bastard over to them, and felt ashamed for the satisfaction I felt when I saw them put a black bag over his head. Takasugi was about to take him away, but then he stopped and looked at me. “I think you should go now.”

“What?” I hesitated. “Where?”

“Back home.”

“But…” I objected. I wasn’t sure what I should say, though.

“Gintoki knows you’re here,” Takasugi leaned to me. “He won’t talk to you now, but it’s not a good idea to stay long. Seriously.”

“Hold on,” I grabbed his forearm. “You could maybe _explain_. At least a little bit.”

He sighed and waved his men off. “Ask, if you must. Also, give me the thingy back,” he tapped his ear lightly, then held out his hand.

I took my so-said thingy off and dropped it into his palm. “Did you tell Gintoki that I’m here?” If he did, I would fucking strangle him, and never mind the consequences. I mean, he was the one who told me to stay away from Gintoki in the first place. What would be the point, then?

“No. He _saw_ you. He’s not blind, you know? I’m going to have give him a few answers later and I’m not gonna like it.” Takasugi folded his arms on his chest, eyeing me. “Anything else?”

“What exactly was my role in your plan? Did this,” I generally gestured to our surroundings, “help my situation in _any_ way, or was I here only ‘cause you didn’t have enough people?”

He shook his head and stepped so close I was looking right into his eye. The healthy one. The other was, yet again, covered by his hair. “You’re forgetting,” he smirked. “I’m not doing this for _you_. I’m doing this for Gintoki, and for myself. Mostly myself. But…” he pressed the button of the elevator door, “make sure to tell Gintoki that you don’t need him to protect you. That might be a start.”

“What do you—”

“Listen,” he interrupted me. “I’m his friend. Kinda. I guess. Point is, I’ve known him for a hellishly long time. He’s a fuck up, sure,” he took the borrowed gun back and suddenly shoved me strongly. Not having expected that, I wobbled a few steps backwards and ended up standing in the elevator.

“He _is_ a fuck up. But, he’s trying to be a decent person. It’s kind of hard with what he does, yet he’s trying anyway. Try considering that the next time you two talk.”

“What does he do?” I didn’t want to let it slide.

“There’s more?” He shook his head. “Just… go.” He turned away, and ignored me when I called out to him.

And so, I decided to do what he told me to.

In the lobby, a guy with long ginger hair stopped me, and without a word, he handed me my briefcase, the one I had when I was on my way home from work that damn day.

I found all of its contents intact. Keys, wallet, my documents, everything was in there like none of it happened.

Slowly, disheartened and suddenly very tired, I made my way back home.

I was never so happy to see that block of flats in my entire life.


	24. Expositional chapter is expositional. Wait, what do you mean, this isn't a summary?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't believe in titles.  
> And summaries.  
> And fate.  
> He probably doesn't like me, and he doesn't even know I write gay stuff on the internet. Ain't that sad. Lolz. He's got the most adorable smile, tho.  
> I've been promising this for far too long.

I kicked off my shoes and stumbled my way straight to the bedroom. I just wanted to get some sleep. Everything else could wait – food, calling Kondo-san as to why I was not at work for a few days without saying a word, even showering or brushing my teeth. I was so tired I just couldn’t give a damn. The irregular sleep in these past few days, the situation with a certain dipshit, and the evening that was pretty much in vain wore me out really bad, mentally _and_ physically.

I undressed and having fallen flat onto the bed, wearing nothing at all, immediately I was embraced by the sweet oblivion of sleep.

When I woke up, it was still before sunrise.

And a dark figure whom I’d instantly recognised as Gintoki was looming over me. He had a formal-looking shirt, the one he had on the party, and a tie, and he was eyeing me with an expression all but innocent. The dim light coming in through the window only strengthened the impression.

“What the fuck—” I tried to shove him away on instinct, but he didn’t budge; I’d just woken up and the position I was in wasn’t really favourable either. Plus… I _didn’t_ really want to push him away after all, dammit.

“Aww, be nice,” his hand brushed through my hair gently. “It’s not like I came here to do anything bad to you.”

“Well that’s a change,” I scoffed and backed away to the wall, sitting up properly. “How the heck did you get in? You gave the key back.”

“I made myself two and returned only one,” he said matter-of-factly and stood up, loosening his tie as he glanced me over. I slightly reddened in the face; I was naked, after all, and it was not like I covered myself with a blanket when I went to sleep. Everything about Gintoki just screamed that he was up to no good; my hair on the back of my neck rose, and my heart was beating at an alarming rate. Despite all that mess from past days and months, I was both scared of him and excited to have him this close.

“Since when…” I looked at my light-up clock, “… are you here?”

“I’ve just arrived. You woke up when I leaned closer.” He dropped the tie onto the floor and began unbuttoning his shirt while staring holes through me.

“That’s another thing!” I raised my voice a little bit, glancing away, not wanting to make eye contact. “I don’t get you. What do you want from me? Can’t you just leave me alone once you’ve tossed me aside?”

“Hold up, you were the first one to say, and I quote, ‘Get the fuck out’ and leave you be.” I felt his breath on my cheek. He smelled of someone’s perfume, and I hated that.

“Then, why didn’t you?” I snapped. “Make up your mind, asshole! What the fuck is your deal?!”

“I’ve never changed my mind.” The bed sank and he sat next to me; I still refused to look his way. If I were to turn my head, I’d lose my cool. “I know you overheard back in Rengokukan when I spoke to Hiroki. I’ve been chasing after your ass for three and a half years by now, there’s no way I’d let you go just like that.”

“Then…” I barely managed to let my words out; my throat was painfully clenched and I knew my voice sounded strained. “… Why did you…?”

“Well, I wanted to respect your wishes.”

I turned my head so fast my neck almost snapped. “… You’re _kidding_.”

“Yeah, I am.” He grabbed my lower jaw and yanked my head so close our noses touched. “You’re mine, obviously. But I wanted you to come into terms with it.”

“… You’re such a dick,” I hissed through my clenched teeth.

“That’s your own fault. You’re a first-rate tsundere. I had to bully you into submission.” As he was saying this, I could hear that he was slightly amused. I pursed my lips; he was right. Again, he was right, and I didn’t have a retort. I wouldn’t give in if he came up to me normally, there was no way I would. Not only I would be afraid to get into a relationship of any kind. I wouldn’t be interested. Not in Gintoki, because he in general seemed like a lazy slob. And although things would be much less painful and much less complicated that way, Gintoki was not having any of that.

“About this night,” I started, but he interrupted me: “Yeah, about that. Are you dumb? Why did you do that?! You were not supposed to get involved in that at all!”

“So Takasugi was right after all.” I grabbed Gintoki’s wrist and pulled his hand away from my face. “That whole thing… was _you_ trying to protect me.”

“Well, last time I told you not to go somewhere, you stormed headfirst—hold on, what? Takasugi told you that the fact you got locked at Aya’s place was my doing?”

“No, you did, just now.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. I was starting to get the impression that coincidentally enough, Gintoki’s plan highly correlated wit Takasugi’s. That Takasugi saw the chance and jumped it, using both me and Gintoki to achieve his goal – but thanks to that, we were talking like two adults for once. “But it was him who brought me there,” I admitted, although that was something Gintoki probably already knew.

“Damn that Takasugi,” Gintoki murmured, ruffling his hair. “I _told_ him I didn’t want you to be anywhere close. I was unfocused the rest of the evening. You were interfering with my work.” He yawned and flopped onto the bed next to me. “It was exhausting.”

“What _were_ you doing, anyway? You said work, but all I could see was you chatting with that idol. Unless you’re a host, I don’t see how that was a part of your job.”

He chuckled. “Jealous, are ya? But no, I’m not a host.”

“I figured as much,” I replied sourly. “No host walks about covered in bandages as if it were normal. What _do_ you do, though?”

“I don’t wanna tell,” he looked up at me. “Who knows what kind of crazy stuff you’d do if you knew. Last time I told you something, bad things happened.”

“Are you implying I can’t be trusted?” a vein popped up on my forehead.

“Nnn… not exactly. More like neither of us can be trusted,” he said thoughtfully, and I couldn’t make heads or tails from that one. The heck did he mean? Was he trying to say he’d have to lie if I asked? Did he think I wouldn’t keep his secret? What the fuck?! I had so many questions, and he was not answering any of them!

Gritting my teeth, I moved closer and naked as I was, I sat over his thighs. “Tell me, or I’ll make you,” I growled, leaning closer.

“Whoa. Sexy,” his hands grabbed my hips. “Screw that, I’d like to have some fun,” he sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist. “And I’m sure you wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m not letting you fuck me until you tell me,” I insisted, ignoring his remark, because then I would have to admit that it was the truth.

“… Fine. But, in exchange,” Gintoki looked me in the eye firmly, “I want you to tell me you love me, and promise that you’ll be mine forever. That you won’t run. That no matter what I do to you, you’ll stay with me.”

Blood rose to my cheeks and I inhaled sharply. I was not ready to answer such a demand, no fucking way, I was too sober for such shit. Even if I were dead drunk, I would still be too sober for such shit. What was he even thinking? He _knew_ , he bloody knew, because that had been his plan in the first place. My lips parted, but I couldn’t make a sound. He kept staring at me, until I couldn’t bear it and looked away.

Gintoki hugged me tightly, resting his head on my chest. I was absolutely sure he could hear my rapid heartbeat, and I swallowed hard. Even though he held me gently, I still felt crushed in his embrace; it was that fear again, that fear of him, and of _belonging_ to him. He let out a chuckle. “Seems like I won’t be telling you anything, then.”

“…” I bit my lip, inhaling shakily. He was _so_ infuriating. I lowered my head, my lips touched his hear lightly. “I… I promise,” I breathed out, and I could barely hear myself.

“… Because?” he urged me to go on.

“Because I love you, you bastard,” my nerves gave in and I just blurted that out, my voice strained. I could feel my body shaking, and of course, he could too.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair and kissed me, rendering my brain irresponsive. I’d longed to kiss him again. I clutched his shoulders, diving into the kiss like a bee into a cup of coke, not caring if I were to drown. I’d missed the taste of his tongue, no doubt; I, a self-proclaimed slave to both the pain and the pleasure he gave, was allowed to kiss him again… and I just fell apart in his lap. As we were sitting there, skin to skin, I wanted to be held, to taste his sweat, to leave scratches up and down his back.

“You’re quick to get hard,” he murmured against my lips.

“Shuddup.” My face, just as red as before, felt hot, and there was a droplet of sweat running down my forehead. Although I was in naught but Adam’s garb, both my skin and my senses were ablaze. I shifted my hips a little. “Not like you’re any different.”

He breathed out a short laugh and buried his nose in my nape. “I want you.”

“I know,” I replied, still not letting go. I wanted him as well, of course, but there were still matters unresolved. “ _What_ do you do?” I said eventually. I wasn’t going to let him just make me forget about it.

“Relentless, huh,” he grumbled and slowly loosened his grip, leaning back to look up at me. “I… Hm.” There was a pause. “The guys and I are… the kind of odd jobs group that shouldn’t exist.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Well…” Gintoki hesitated. “I guess you could say we don’t just take out trash and do plumbing. Be it police or… for example, Hiroki… we don’t reject many people. Of course, I pick my jobs carefully, but I can’t say the same about the others.”

“Carefully?”

“I try to find out what’s the better side, usually. And I don’t kill people if I’m asked to. Things like that.”

“What… what about the others?” If anything, I wouldn’t be surprised if Takasugi were an assassin. That guy was something else.

“Katsura’s… a dumbass with a serious love for explosions. Sometimes I disagree with what he does, but it’s not like we’re an actual company. Just a few associates, each of us doing their own. Sakamoto… is Sakamoto. From what I know, he’s involved in all sorts of trade, but… we don’t get in each other’s way. And – let me make that clear – he doesn’t do human trafficking.”

“And Takasugi?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

Gintoki pursed his lips. “Takasugi… is not with us. Even in the not-group that we have, he’s not with us. Sometimes he asks us to do stuff, sometimes he tags along, but… he’s not with us.”

“Why?”

“From what I know, he doesn’t want to.” Gintoki shrugged his shoulders and looked at me. “So… are we having sex?”

Well… I didn’t have a reason to refuse.


	25. All's well that ends well

“Wooow. Your skin is glowing, Hijikata-san. Did you get a girlfriend?”

I looked up at Sougo, my face turning reddish. Not a girlfriend, but that was a detail I did not intend to share with him. “So what?” I growled instead. He was disturbing me from my work, and I didn’t appreciate that very much.

“Nothing, just surprised. I didn’t think there existed a woman who was willing to be with you.”

My eyebrow cocked and I got up. “Don’t you have anything to do, Sougo?”

“I’m done with what Kondo-san asked me to do, yeah.”

“Great.” I reached to my left and handed him a thick folder of documents. “So you can start working on this, then.”

“What a pain.” Although he complained, he took it from me and slowly made his way back to his chair. When I was sure I was out of his sight, I sat down – very slowly and carefully. My ass hurt. Not like Gintoki hadn’t been surprisingly careful, but we’ve done it just too many times, and now I felt weakened and generally terrible. Physically speaking, anyway. Mentally, not as much for once.

My work went like clockwork, like Swiss watch. When I returned, everything was… normal. Later that day I learned Gintoki spoke to Kondo-san about me being sick and they counted it as a sick leave. Damn bastard had his fingers in everything. Of course, Kondo-san was not supposed to take his words for granted, but clearly, he did anyway.

But, to be honest, it was unbelievable. Gintoki and I were now somewhat of a couple – we were in a relationship due to our mutual agreement, and there was no blackmail involved this time, either. I even told him that I felt for him, after which we fucked like rabbits until morning. I was absolutely spent and it was by sheer luck that I managed to get to work on time, but… I felt strangely happy.

Sighing, I ruffled my hair. When I glanced at the clock, I knew it was just a few moments before I had to go home. Normally, I would just throw in some overtime, but this time I had the feeling I’d die if I didn’t get some sleep.

After I finished what I was doing, I packed my stuff and left. It was even a little early, but every step was harder than the previous one and before I got to my door, I was barely standing.

The moment I grabbed the door knob, the door opened inwards. I did not expect that, lost balance and fell into Gintoki’s arms.

“Whoops.” He dragged me inside and closed the door.

“The heck are you doing here,” I grumbled, gathering my strength to stand up on my own. “I’m seriously tired, let me sleep.”

“Okay, sure,” he shrugged his shoulders, letting go of me. I narrowed my eyes with suspicion. For him to back down so easily, something was weird. Nevertheless, I decided to leave it for the moment. He disappeared in the kitchen, and I made my way to the bathroom; I took a quick shower, and before Gintoki left the kitchen, I was in my bed and dead out.

A couple of hours later, a weird sensation woke me up. A sensation I’d experienced briefly before – a certain idiot was pulling my ass cheeks apart, licking places a tongue should never touch. The lights were on, he could see me just as clearly as I could see him. He was only in his idiotic pink boxers, and a faint blush was gracing his pallid cheeks.

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” I growled, rubbing my forehead. “I told you I wanted to sleep.”

“Well, go ahead and sleep then,” he stopped licking me for a moment.

“There’s no way I can like this, idiot!”

“Why?” he tilted his head.

“What do you mean, why,” I freed myself from his grip and backed away. I could feel my lower regions tingling hot, which I hadn’t expected to happen so early after last time. I was hard. Hard and _very_ unhappy with the situation. His eyes stopped at my crotch and he just stared wordlessly. Soon, I started feeling uncomfortable. “What?!” I lost the last bits of my composure.

“You still owe me a show,” he said, moving closer.

“What do you…” I started, but then I realised what he meant. Back in Rengokukan, when I made the mistake of admitting to him that I had masturbated, he said he wanted to see. I’d hoped he’d forgotten about that, but luck wasn’t on my side for that one. “I’m sleepy, leave me alone.”

“You’re sleepy, but this little one sure ain’t,” he said, pointing his finger at my erection.

I rolled my eyes exasperatedly.

“Come on, just once, then I’ll let you sleep,” he leaned close and grabbing my chin, he dragged me into a kiss.

I recoiled from him. “You just had your tongue in my ass, and now you shove it in my mouth?!” I shook my head in disbelief.

“Aw, don’t say that, we’ve done nastier stuff,” Gintoki sat back a little, tilting his head. His eyes narrowed, and I felt a sudden chill. The habit of sleeping almost naked was something I should have gotten rid of ages ago; now, his gaze was piercing my bare skin. I shivered.

“If… If I do that, you’ll let me sleep?” I said, and I couldn’t believe I was asking such a thing.

“Sure. If you’ll feel like it after, anyway.” There was a smug smirk on his face, and I briefly considered hitting him for that. Instead, I nodded reluctantly.

“Okay, fine, whatever, let’s just get this over with.”

“Awesome.” He crawled behind me and pulled me into his lap. His arms wrapped around my waist tightly and when he rested his head on my shoulder, I shuddered again. I could feel the heat emanating from his body, all over my back, as we were touching flesh to flesh.

“Start whenever you feel you’re ready,” he said in a teasing tone, and once again, I resisted the urge to hit him – in this position, it would be _so_ easy to elbow him in the stomach.

“Shut your trap, I was born ready,” I retorted instead, wrapping my fingers around my hard-on to quickly do what he asked of me.

For a good while, there was silence in the room, only my breathing got heavier gradually as I went on. It wasn’t easy to do such a thing under supervision, and the fact he got quickly steel-hard behind me was _really_ not helping.

Also…

There was another problem, as it turned out.

And he was far too quick to notice.

“This ain’t how you did it before, right?” he grabbed one of my wrists and slowly, very, very slowly, he dragged my hand up towards his mouth. “You need to have something _in there_ ,” he said, then he licked my fingers and led them past my balls to the place I didn’t want to touch in front of him. “Show me more.”

“You bastard.” I clenched my teeth and cussed, but I obediently pushed my fingers in anyway. Having two of them inside right off the bat was slightly uncomfortable, but my dick in my other hand throbbed happily in response. He knew of things I had trouble admitting even to myself, let alone anyone else.

“Let me help.” He slowly forced one of his fingers inside dry, and my head jerked back. It was not a feeling which many people would call _pleasant_ , exactly. But I was taught to like his touch in every way, and if he got a little rougher with me, that was more than okay. “Gintoki…” I bit my lip, and with my eyes closed, I leaned into him more to get better access to my ass.

His teeth grazed my nape. I expected him to bite me, and was disappointed when he rested his forehead on my shoulder instead.

“I still can’t believe you’ve agreed to be mine.” It was a faint whisper, disheartened somewhat, and it pissed me off.

“Seriously?” I attempted to turn my head to look at him and failed magnificently. “You’re really going to… do this now?”

“Shuddup.” He embraced me tighter with his arm. If it weren’t for his other hand playing around in my nether regions, I would have stopped, concerned about him. This way, though, not only I couldn’t, I didn’t really want to. Bastard made me horny, and though I wouldn’t tell him this in those exact words, he had to go with this nonsense through. He was the one who thought of it in the first place, after all.

On purpose, I moaned just loud enough for him to hear, and it worked miraculously well. “You’re such a bad girl,” he chuckled, and instead of moping further, he pushed another of his fingers inside me. It was not easy to coordinate with him in the first few moments, but soon we made it work and I squirmed in his lap helplessly, both not wanting and not being able to stop anytime soon.

“You’re so cute, you know that?” he said; the retort I was about to give got cut off when he _finally_ bit down on me. My hips bucked and there it was, the strange sweet stab in my abdomen. I wanted more. I was moving my hand on my dick, I had fingers up my ass, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Gintoki was right there, I could feel his hardness pressing against my skin through the cloth of his underwear, and I wanted to feel him inside, to have him reach deeper, to have him lose myself in his arms, like he usually would. To bite me and hold me so tight I wouldn’t be able to breathe without his permission, like he usually would. It would be alright if he were to break me – like he said he would. I was already addicted to him, there was not much space left to go further past this point.

“Gintoki,” I panted, letting go of my dick, and I reached behind to grab a fistful of his curls. He got the hint and leaned forward over my shoulder to meet me in a clumsy kiss. “Tell me,” he murmured against my lips and pulled his fingers out.

He was constantly so full of himself. Bastard.

“I want you in me,” I licked his lips before planting another kiss there. His breath hitched and he froze for a few heartbeats, then he exhaled shakily. “When did you learn to be so good at provoking me,” he scratched down my chest. I shuddered at the burn; his fingernails left red traces that were probably going to stay for a while.

We changed our position. He pushed me onto my back and eyed me, his lips curving in a small smile. “Let me in?”

I let out a short laugh. “Do you need an invitation?”

“Yeah, make it on a high-grade paper with golden letters.” He held his breath as he pushed the tip of his dick in. He didn’t bother with a condom, and I’d already come to terms with the fact I was going to have a slightly upset stomach later.

“Hah… Don’t worry and enter, your majesty… Ah!” I wanted to finish that joke, but he filled me up in one smooth motion and I got cut off. Fingers couldn’t compare, after all. This was much better. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. Not once in the past few months had I thought I could feel so much comfort with this guy anywhere near me, but…

“What a goofy face,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna move, ‘kay?”

I nodded, opening my eyes in surprise. He’d never asked about that before. He was weirdly gentle all of a sudden, despite being a general ass like usual when it came to the smaller things. I was not used to this kind of Gintoki.

He did as he said, leaning down for a kiss, as he began rocking his hips. He supported himself on his elbow and his other hand moved down to my crotch. “Wait,” I gasped, and to my surprise, he actually did hesitate.

“What is it?”

“You’re being… weird.” I looked at him with growing suspicion.

“Weird? How so?”

“I don’t know what you’re up to, but… you’re normally really pushy, and right now…” my voice faded out gradually. He was watching me without a word, eyes slightly narrowed, and there was a faint smile on his lips. Without responding to me, he tightened his grip on my penis again and started moving both his hand and his hips.

Slowly.

Excruciatingly so.

I groaned in frustration and reached for his head to pull him down for a kiss. Different from the one he gave me, deeper and hungrier. “You started this,” I breathed out, “so finish it.”

His lips brushed my neck and I closed my eyes once more when I felt his breath briefly before he, once again, sank his teeth into my skin. Yes, I preferred him this way. Overbearing, possessive idiot, who never backed down from the things he wanted.

“I’ll make you cum so hard you don’t even know.” Bite after bite, he trailed them from my ear down to my shoulder.

“That was probably the least sexy line I’ve heard from you yet.”

“Oh yeah? Brace yourself then, ‘cause I’ve got loads of those.” He got up on his knees, and grabbing my hips strongly, he slammed himself in. And again, and again, the gentleness from moments ago as though had never existed. I clutched the sheets underneath me, my back arching upwards. I could feel my hard dick swing with his every move and I was glad for once that he wasn’t touching it. If he did, I would come way too fast.

For a good while, neither of us said a word, and the room echoed with our ragged breaths, the wet sounds of skin slapping against skin and the occasional grunt or moan.

I’d asked for more, and he delivered. Although I made fun of him for it, he was right about something – us being together like this was absolutely unreal. In the first place, I’d never thought I would be capable of being in a normal relationship, and yet, here I was, strangely content with how things turned out. His strength, his heat, his sweaty hands – all of it was mine, giving me a sense of comfort I hadn’t expected to experience.

He grunted and stopped briefly before pulling out and coming all over my chest and stomach. His urged my legs to hook over his shoulders next, and I moaned in pleasure when I saw him open his mouth to take me in. With his mouth on my dick and his fingers up my ass, I came a few heartbeats later; all I’d needed was a little push, after all.

I saw him swallow as he reached for the tissues that had been conveniently resting nearby for obvious reasons. Wordlessly, he proceeded to wipe my skin with care.

“See, I knew you weren’t gonna feel like sleeping anymore,” he said eventually with a victorious grin.

“I’m sleeping now,” I grumbled, rolling over and turning my back to him. He laughed and pulled the blanket over me, then he climbed under it as well and hugged me from behind. “G’night, then,” he whispered

I sighed, got up, turned out the light and went back to sleep, knowing that when I wake up in the morning, he wasn’t going to be there. He never was, but that was okay. He would later come to my place uninvited, and that was also okay.

Because despite everything, I was in love with him – although I wasn’t going to say that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so, I was postponing this because I didn't want it to end. Now that we've gotten to this point, I would like to ask the following:
> 
> Would you be interested in a TakaZura spin-off? If yes, would you prefer it from Takasugi's (the conqueror) or Zura's (the conquered) point of view?


	26. Rose by any other name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an extra written in Gintoki's PoV. Also, the TakaZura spinoff is finally a thing - it's called Monsters Want to Be Loved, and you can find it on my profile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extra written in Gintoki's PoV. Also, the TakaZura spinoff is finally a thing - it's called Monsters Want to Be Loved, and you can find it on my profile.

When I saw him for the first time, it was as though my breath got taken away. With a short dress which was tightly embracing an eye-catching figure and revealing his perfect long legs, he made me fall so hard that everything I was sure of in my life crumbled to the ground. The instant I laid my eyes on him, I wanted him to be mine. He was watching the arena with a glint in his eye and a small smile curving his painted lips, not glancing my way once.

I felt a new, strange desire overcome me. Up until that point, I’d never felt such a strong urge to step forward and hold someone close. Like possessed, I stood there until the match ended, my eyes not leaving Toshiko’s slightly arched back.

Never would I have expected to find that kind of stunning beauty at such a place. There were countless beautiful and desirable things and people at that den of sin, sure… but Toshiko was different. This beauty was unreachable, strong and unyielding… _genuine_ , even under all that make-up. I’d seen many people who would lose their shine when they washed off the layers of golden dust they’d coated themselves in; Toshiko, however, was like a true gem, priceless treasure nobody had gotten their hands onto.

I did some investigating and found that it was Hiroki who made sure nobody would ever get too close to Toshiko. He was protecting her, and doing a hell of a good job of it. And Hijikata, of course, had no idea about that.

Friend or not, I’d never felt so jealous in my life.

Now, though, when I opened my eyes, there was a puff of black hair next to me, and someone was snoring quietly. Not very ladylike – but further proof that he was able to feel at ease by my side. I had no idea why he’d dress up, but I’d rather bite my tongue off than ask him. There were areas I was better off not questioning, if I wanted to cherish him.

Leaning closer, I placed a soft kiss above his ear, like I usually would when I woke up next to him, and then I got up silently, intending to make breakfast before he’d wake up. I knew that he wouldn’t have much in his fridge, but I managed to make a couple of sandwiches for the two of us. I wasn’t sure which mayo to use for his – and his collection had grown since the last time I saw it. There was fourteen kinds now, and some of the older ones have been replenished. I’d noticed, though, that the one I used on him that one time was gone – probably forever, if I were to assume.

Just when I was setting down mugs full of coffee on the table, Hijikata stumbled sleepily in through the door, just in his boxers. He blinked several times, then an expression of utter disbelief spread across his face. In the morning light, I could see the numerous marks I’d left on him last night, and it made me feel warm inside, knowing that he wasn’t opposed to it.

“What’re you doing here?” he mumbled. “I’d thought you’d be gone.”

“I thought Toshiko-chan would be happy if I stayed?” I teased.

To my surprise, he looked away bashfully, muttering, “Anythin’ wrong with that?”

“Not at all,” I assured him, stepping towards him. He looked me in the eye, cautious. I grabbed his waist and tugged him closer, catching him in a lip-lock. Back then, when I'd told him that I didn’t want us to kiss, I had simply intended to wait until he was ready to initiate the kiss himself. And he did, too, sooner than I could have possibly expected.

I didn’t want our lips to part; he gave in to me immediately, clutching my shoulder. I’d realised halfway through our kiss that I was subconsciously leaning in, making him bend backwards, and that was when I hesitated. I didn’t need to be like this anymore. He was mine. He was _willingly_ mine.

Reluctantly, I let go of him and took a small step back. “Good morning,” I said and smiled, ignoring the impulse to ruffle his messy hair. That was some serious bedhead he had going on.

“M’rning,” he murmured, then he added: “I’m ‘nna wash up.” Having said that, he trotted towards the bathroom sleepily.

Minutes later, he was back; immediately, he lifted up the upper part of one of the sandwiches and seeing there was no mayo in it, he proceeded to get one from the fridge.

“I didn’t know which one you’d like, so…” I explained, and he nodded curtly, sitting down.

We started eating. It was peaceful, but I could see that something was churning in his brain. I left him to it, figuring that if he wanted to say something, he’d do it.

“… Are you feeling alright?” he asked me in the end.

“What? Why?” I tilted my head, even though I knew why he’d ask that. Now that we were past the ‘making him mine’ business,  I had to let him used to the fact that unless we felt like it during our shared bedtime, I had no intention of treating him badly.

“Are you concocting some evil plan again,” he said a little playfully, though I knew he was halfway serious. He narrowed his eyes and pouted a bit. He was cute like that, though it was a little odd to think so about such a man. Of course, I knew better than to tell him that out of the blue, so I just shook my head.

“Why would Gin-san ever do that,” I said in a similarly playful note, then, more seriously, I added: “I’ve told you before. I love you, remember?” I watched him choke on his coffee. Funny, how he had no idea how to respond to that. I knew it was going to take him a while to come into terms with my feelings being genuine, just as it was going to take him time to get used to naming these feelings. He wasn’t going to trust me right off the bat, and I knew that as well.

“… ‘Kay,” he looked down at his unfinished sandwich once he could breathe; his cheeks were reddish, and it wasn’t just because of his coughing fit moments prior.

So adorable.

Calmly, I continued eating.

If I were to say whether I was or was not regretting what had gone down between us, then I wasn’t. Sure, some things could have gone differently if either of us could be just a little less stubborn. If Hijikata were much less bull-headed, I wouldn’t have to get through to him the way I did. There wouldn’t be a need to pry his shell open forcefully, or to bully him. But his iciness was a part of what appealed to me, and I wouldn’t want this any other way. A Hijikata without his coldness wouldn’t be Hijikata anymore.

Not to mention, it was incredibly satisfying to have this iceberg of a man melt in my hands, to have him yield even though he was unattainable to others.

“You’re staring,” he gave me a glare.

“I’m not,” I shook my head. “But I just can’t stop looking.”

“That’s what staring is called,” he retorted, his cheeks reddening once more.

Chuckling, I got up to wash my used mug and plate in the sink. “I’m gonna leave in a bit,” I glanced over my shoulder.

“Are you going to come here in the evening?”

“Do you want me to?” I asked, but before he could get all defensive, I added: “I can’t keep making Otae take care of Kagura, so… I’m gonna have to stay home for the night. You can stop by, though, if you miss me. Stay the night, even.”

“Not happening,” he grumbled, and I left it at that. After all, not like we had to see one another every day – I was afraid he’d get fed up with me very quickly should that be the case.

On my way out, I caught him again, just to give his butt a quick squeeze. He grabbed my head and kissed me, clearly just as hungry as I was. It was hard to let go of him, but we both had to leave either way, so I begrudgingly let him shoo me out of the door.

As I was walking home, I began humming a melody. The world was suddenly a much happier place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extra written in Gintoki's PoV. Also, the TakaZura spinoff is finally a thing - it's called Monsters Want to Be Loved, and you can find it on my profile. And yes, this is the 3rd time I'm saying this. I wouldn't want anybody to miss out. ;-)

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you might know this work. Yes. I've changed my nest. Initially, I never intended to post this again, but hey... Transvestite Hijikata? How could I rob the world of this?


End file.
